My dad...cancer survivor and Breaking Bad super fan. Channeling his inner Heisenberg @BryanCranston @aaronpaul_8

everybody in gag city right now:

Laughing how my ex boyfriend used to call me “Lucy” (aka Lucifer) when I drank alcohol 😂 good times good times

Me explaining 2pac Biggie beef to my dad: Then he had a song saying that’s why I fucked yo bitch! My dad: oh wowwwwww

My dad: who are image dragons? Me: you mean imagine dragons, the band? 🤣

Boy math is your ex being on vacation with a girl in another country, but texting you “hope you are doing good” 🙄

Trying to buy a house in Columbus and my realtor keeps *stressing* me to check sex offender and crime rates when I send her my listings. Girl idgaf about all of that 😂 as long as I’m not in Hilltop I’m fine.

Feng shui…aka just moving my tv to the other side of the room 🧘🏻‍♀️

Why didn’t I know about frozen sprite

Justin Bieber really did his thing with Journals. No skips, masterpiece 🤌🏻

Fun social media is dead or we are just old. Your 4 yr old isn’t the next Cristiano Ronaldo calm down lol

Hangover hack: chipotle burrito and pickle juice

I made a new 🚩 list 1. Listens to Morgan Wallen 🚩 2. Agrees with Jordan Peterson 🚩 3. Wears Hey Dudes 🚩 4. Shares Andrew Tate videos 🚩

I don’t think enough people talk about ketchup being the worst condiment

Nothing like a Nerk townie asking me to roll my window down at a light and ask me out on a date 🤦🏻‍♀️ SIR!

When a guy likes: Jordan Peterson 🚩 Morgan Wallen 🚩

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

I cancelled my date to watch Netflix and eat Chipotle ✌️

“Are you feeling rested after the long weekend??” Me:

Senators bankrolled by the NRA: Mitt Romney: $13,648,000 Richard Burr: $6,987,000 Roy Blunt: $4,556,000 Thom Tillis: $4,421,000 Marco Rubio: $3,303,000 Joni Ernst: $3,125,000 Josh Hawley: $1,392,000 Mitch McConnell: $1,267,000 Ted Cruz: $176,000 An absolute disgrace.