innocent drinks
@innocent
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We make healthy drinks. Please buy them so we don't get fired.
The Fridge
Joined March 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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We’ve made a new drink. It’s blue. It’s tasty. It’s blue. It’s good for you. It’s blue. It’s made from apple, lime, guava, and coconut water. It's blue. It’s boosted with vitamins. It’s blue. It's the perfect subject for a Venn diagram.
Did we mention it's blue?
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DO NOT EAT CONKERS
Hello everyone. Yesterday we made a mistake. Now we're trying to put things right.
Long story short: PLEASE DO NOT EAT OR MILK CONKERS
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Instagram is down. The influencers panic. Their power is waning. Smashed avocado on sourdough doesn't seem so appetising in this cruel, filterless world. They cling to their hair vitamins, screaming 'hashtag blessed'. Even detox tea can't save them now.
#instagramdown
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Australia are competing in
#Eurovision
tonight. In case you're confused, here’s how the European map looks now.
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We've paid Duncan from Blue to promote our new blue drink. Fifty quid well spent.
#definitelyblue
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We've made a Christmas ad with Duncan from Blue. (Keira Knightley wasn't available.)
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If you haven't met Matias' nephew, he enjoys bananas, climbing the Empire State Building, and throwing barrels at Italian plumbers.
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Facebook, Instagram & WhatsApp are down. For those of you using Twitter for the first time, it’s basically the same but with less avocados on toast and less group chats with 29 people trying to organise a night out while one friend sends dog GIFs.
Oh, and you can only use 240 ch
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Compromise: blue
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Today we found out that someone very senior who works here has a smartwatch that buzzes whenever we tweet so we've scheduled this for late at night just to annoy them.
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Don't forget to put your clocks back before bed tonight. Here's how:
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Good luck to everyone getting results today.
Remember, these things are important:
Friends
Family
Being a nice human
Thanking the bus driver
These aren't:
MacBeth
Trigonometry
Remembering the dates of battles
Perfect speling
#ALevelResults2018
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If the UK getting zero in Eurovision isn't a sign of the world slowly returning to normal, we don't know what is.
#Eurovision
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No, it's blue.
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Don't forget to put your clocks forward before bed tonight. Here's how:
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It is blue.
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If it ain't broke don't fix it.
(It ain't broke.)
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It's blue, which in fact has got more blue than green.
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Don't forget to put your clocks back before bed tonight. Here's how:
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IMPORTANT BEAN-BASED DISCLAIMER
We have NOT made a bean smoothie. We have no idea where these stories have come from but it's clear that social media has once again bean fuelling the spread of misinformation.
Sincerely,
the innocent department of not adding beans to things
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58 jokes to delight and disappoint your friends and family this Christmas.
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It's more like blue, which you can argue is a type of blue. (blue)
Blue.
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It's 48 days until Christmas. If you start an advent calendar today you'll finish it bang on time to start another one on December 1st.
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Andy, it's blue. The drink is more blue than the label and the label still blue.
@innocent
Guys, it’s green. The label is more blue than the drink and the label still green. Let’s not cause division at a time like this, come join everyone on the green side.
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Some
#RoyalBaby
names that work well with George:
Michael
Lucas
Harrison
Of The Jungle
By Asda
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It's 48 days until Christmas so if you start an advent calendar today you'll finish it bang on time to start another one on December 1st.
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ATTENTION EVERYONE
We know it feels like a Tuesday. We know it looks like a Tuesday. We know it smells like a Tuesday.
However, we are pleased to report that it is in fact Friday.
Please celebrate this in an orderly manner.
Yours,
The Royal Department of Calendar Accuracy
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We've made
#AnotherBlueDrink
so obviously we've made another advert with Duncan from Blue. Another fifty quid well spent.
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It's a classic form of blue... It's called Blue.
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Today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year apparently. Luckily for you, it's not real and it was made by someone in marketing to sell stuff.
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Twice as much as you'd need to dress a whale in single denim.
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We’ve heard people are worried that Santa might not be able to visit this year, so we’ve come up with a cunning, hygienic, and - most importantly - stylish solution...
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No we can't.
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WORKING FROM HOME
2020:
Smiling on video calls
3 cups of tea a day
“Sorry Steve, you’re on mute. We all do it”
2021:
Straight-faced on video calls
12 cups of tea
“You’re on mute, Steve”
2022:
Camera permanently off
25 coffees straight into your veins
“IT'S ONE BUTTON, STEVE”
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This helps identify some colours that are not blue. Unlike our blue drink, which is blue.
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DOG ON THE TRAIN.
DOG ON THE TRAIN.
DOG. ON. THE. TRAIN.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL. IT IS A DOG.
AND. IT. IS. ON. THE.
TRAIN.
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Based on our Year 9 French lessons, we can tell you that she isn’t singing about pets, the cinema, or when her birthday is.
#Eurovision
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Things the UK is hotter than today:
1. Spain
2. Lava
3. Tabasco
4. The sun
5. A sauna
6. A sauna on the sun
7. The Earth's core
8. The inside of a tent any time after 7am
9. A shower when somebody nearby runs a tap
10. A laptop after 20 minutes of use
11. Mordor
#HeatwaveUK
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Hello everyone,
We owe you all an apology.
We've made a big mistake and it's time we told you the truth. We've let you down, we've let our boss down, and most of all we've let ourselves down.
We're truly, deeply, sorry and we hope you'll find it in your hearts to forgive us.
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He's a donkey.
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NICE THINGS ABOUT TUESDAY
1. Bake Off
2. Monday is six whole days away
3. Craig David is statistically more likely to take you for a drink
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BEFORE GOING OUTSIDE YOU WILL NEED
Gloves
Thick socks
Some ear muffs
8 jumpers
11 scarves
14 hot water bottles taped to your body
A duvet
A radiator
A pack of huskies
A jacket potato in each hand
A thermos full of lava
(If you're from The North you might want to take a coat)
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Every conversation on a Monday since the dawn of time:
"How was your weekend?"
"Fine thanks, you?"
"Yeah fine thanks."
"Get up to much?"
"Not really, you?"
"Nah, not a lot."
"That's nice sometimes though isn't it?"
"Yeah, exactly."
Now repeat with fifteen different people.
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nah fam it's deffo blue
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RULES OF DECEMBER
1. Chocolate must be kept behind tiny doors
2. All bells must jingle
3. Days are to be renamed 'sleeps'
4. Shopping is now an extreme sport
5. GOLD RINGS
6. Mariah Carey will follow you everywhere
7. The following emojis are now acceptable🎄❄️☃️🎁
#December1st
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Before you go to bed don't forget to leave out a glass of milk, some mince pies, a carrot, some anti-bac, a thermometer gun, a QR code so Santa can check in to the Track and Trace app, and a copy of your privacy policy outlining what you'll do with Santa's personal data.
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Don't forget to put your clocks back before bed tonight. Here's how.
http://t.co/hWjD38ht33
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"How are you?"
"Good thanks, and you?"
"Yeah, good thanks. Can't complain."
http://t.co/wdaXnt6uT9
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PLAN FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS
1. Do one press up
2. Scream into the void
3. Read a "book" (pizza menu)
4. Scream into the void
5. Start a new hobby (sit down showers)
6. Scream into the void
7. Resist urge to cut own hair
8. Scream into the void
9. Toast
10. Scream into the void
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Don't forget to put your clocks back before bed tonight. Here's how.
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First person to post a picture of their banana bread gets blocked.
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It's healthy Dory blue.
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Second.
Second place.
Second place in Eurovision.
Still hasn't sunk in. Well done, Sam. You did amazing.
AND WELL DONE TO UKRAINE. Well-deserved.
#Eurovision2022
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Good luck with results you lot
Don't let a few letters on a sheet of paper define you
Don't worry if you never got Pythagoras or tectonic plates or i before e or sceince
And don't let anyone tell you that tweeting about smoothies isn't a valid career choice
#alevelresults2019
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IT'S 2°C NOW. IT'S 18°C LATER. TODAY YOU NEED:
Big coat
Shorts
Scarf
Sunglasses
Skis
Flip flops
Umbrella
SPF 30
Central heating
Air con
Sledge
Beach towel
Snow shovel
Bucket and spade
Roaring fire
BBQ
Snow plough
Ice cream van
And at least nineteen pockets to carry it all
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When we come to power we will lock the people who make oven trays in a room with the people who make lasagne sheets and they won't be allowed out until they have agreed on a universal size that perfectly fits each other.
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Today is
#PenguinAwarenessDay
. Some animals are penguins. Some animals are not penguins. This video will help you spot the subtle differences.
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ATTENTION EVERYONE
It is one month until Christmas. It is now acceptable to eat mince pies, mull wine, and travel via one-horse open sleighs.
It is still too early for Christmas songs.
Sincerely,
The Royal Department of Seasonally Appropriate Behaviour
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If you’re wondering why Flo Rida is performing with San Marino, this should clear things up.
#Eurovision
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Hello to all of you who are currently wide awake in bed because Christmas has broken your body clock.
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ATTENTION EVERYONE
Here is our official public statement, in regards to some furious and festive backlash our outrageous Christmas ad has received.
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Tfhe pubsh aer oepn nvow btu ifff yuo d;ntwnat t gept tttttoo durnk onna Mndoy thne yuo cloud jsut hv a smioothe.
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No one knows what day it is. It might be a Tuesday. Some people have work, some people don't. A confused nation wanders round in suit jackets and pyjamas.
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We've received a troubling report.
Apparently some scoundrels are claiming that it is now July. Obviously this is utter nonsense, we haven't even had April yet. It's another sad example of how easily fake news spreads on social media.
Please everyone, stay safe and stay alert.
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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" - everyone
#ENGCRO
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With Valentine's out of the way it's worth remembering that the true meaning of February is Pancake Day.
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RULES OF DECEMBER
1. Chocolate must be kept behind tiny numbered doors
2. All bells are legally required to jingle
3. Days are now referred to as 'sleeps'
4. Trees live inside and are covered in tiny, edible walking sticks
5. GOLD RINGS
6. Mariah Carey follows you wherever you go
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