Ian Malpass Profile
Ian Malpass

@indec

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Following
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Software engineer. Dad in Minnesota. A rigidly defined area of doubt and uncertainty. Professionally @twilio.

Joined December 2008
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@indec
Ian Malpass
2 years
I also have the meta-feeling that I might have said that on Twitter in the past too.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
2 years
Every so often I find myself thinking of a joke and thinking “oh, that’d be good for Twitter” and then I get the feeling that I might have heard the joke before and it turns out it’s me from seven years ago.
@indec
Ian Malpass
9 years
Disappointed that my garage heater is screwed to the ceiling, rather than being supported by nine inch nails.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
2 years
“I don’t like the homemade bread. I like store-bought bread!” - my 10yo, who I have raised to be some sort of culinary Philistine apparently.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Also a plumbing project because I figure now is a good time to replace the shutoff valve for the toilet before it fails, and again it’s easier to do with the toilet gone. I have a feeling I’m going to regret this particular decision….
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
After removing the toilet, I realised now would be a good time to fix the caulk along the bathtub with the toilet out of the way. Removing the caulk, I found a bunch of loose tiles and cracked grout. So now my toilet replacement is also a tiling project.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Parents! A fun and easy thing to do with your kids is to show them where the water shutoff valve is for toilets, faucets, and the whole house. My 16yo averted potentially large flood today by acting quickly when a toilet cistern cracked when no-one else was home.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
I find myself oscillating wildly between “hypocrisy is bad, especially when expressed in legislation” and “outing people and violating their privacy is bad”. (I mean, I’m landing on the latter, because all vulnerable users need to be able to trust platforms but….)
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Super cute: about 20 large fuzzy goslings along with a few pairs of watchful parent geese pottering around in my back yard. Less cute: having to go out and collect pounds of giardia-infested goose poop to prevent the dogs from making really bad life choices.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
There’s something immensely satisfying about setting up automated drip irrigation systems for my plants. The plants do well, I don’t waste water, and we don’t have to remember to water them or spend time doing it. Or asking neighbours to water when we’re gone.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Fifteen hour smoke and an hour rest for this pulled pork, but the end result is pretty damn good.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Rage Against The Machine: Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me! My 10yo: Mom! They’re using a swear word! My wife: It’s OK, it’s art. RATM: MOTHERFUCKAAAAAAH!
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Despite the complexity and flexibility of the English language, despite its centuries of evolution, despite the combined works of all its poets and playwrights and authors, there are still no words that really, truly capture the depth of my loathing for Boris Johnson.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
For the record: I messed it up, but not so badly that I feel like I can’t fix the mess-up tomorrow.
@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Me: I can’t fix this problem with the irrigation system, I shall call an expert. Expert: We’re booked two weeks out. Me: Suddenly I believe I can actually fix this problem if I YouTube hard enough.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Nothing motivates quite like my wife having a book club meeting at the end of the week and a desire to have finished this landscaping project before then.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Me: I can’t fix this problem with the irrigation system, I shall call an expert. Expert: We’re booked two weeks out. Me: Suddenly I believe I can actually fix this problem if I YouTube hard enough.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Looked everywhere in my garage for a tool I needed - through the piles of crap on my workbench, in the piles of stuff on the “things to organise and put away” table, even the storage boxes that it shouldn’t be in. Finally found it on the peg board where it was supposed to be.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
At their end-of-year concert, the choir at my daughter’s high school did a rendition of “The Times They Are A Changin’” and while I’ve never been a huge Dylan fan, it’s an amazing song for a bunch of teenagers to sing at a room full of adults.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
Fishing in northern Minnesota this Memorial weekend and we were joined by a pair of loons who were, I suspect, having a lot more luck than we were.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
John Wick 5 is looking good so far.
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@indec
Ian Malpass
3 years
My son, in the ER: “This was not where I was planning to be today.” My daughter, wise beyond her years: “If your plans involve being in the ER, you should make better plans.”
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