Emily: i have a plan. Tara: i have the hospital and JJ on speed dial.

Spencer: you wanna know how punk i am? Spencer: *punches a wall* Hotch: Spencer: Spencer: take me to the hospital.

JJ: when Emily drives, i’m not a passenger princess. JJ: i’m a survivor.

Spencer: i think i'm having a mid-life crisis. Hotch: you're only 23 years old. Spencer: i might die at 46, you never know.

Emily: what would you do if i was kidnapped? Hotch: i'd let them keep you. Spencer: and me? Hotch: nothing. i'd wait 30 minutes until they let you go voluntarily.

Penelope: hey sugar, i’m sad. hug me. Derek: don’t be sad, because “sad” backwards is “das”. Derek: and das not good.

Emily: i just electrocuted myself. Derek: how shocking. Spencer: how do you feel currently? Emily: i feel amped, it hertz a lot. Seaver: are they okay? Hotch: this is normal. Seaver: but she was just– Hotch: she’s fine. i’d honestly be more concerned if she wasn’t making puns.

Derek: is that a hickey? Emily: no, i fell. Derek: on JJ’s lips?

Penelope: hey, Jayje, are you free on friday? like around eight? JJ: yeah. Penelope: and you, Em? Emily: umm... yes? Penelope: great! because i'm not. you two go out without me. enjoy your date! Emily: did she just–

Spencer: what if grass licked your feet when you stepped on it? Emily: i would do a split. Rossi: every day we stray further from God’s grace…

Emily: i’m fighting the next person who insults Reid. Spencer: i hate myself. Emily: alright, square up.

Emily: JJ, i feel like trash. JJ: as someone who’s environmental conscious, it’s my duty to pick you up. does 7 work for you? Emily: you smooth motherfucker! Emily: and yes, it does.

Doctor: so how are you today? Spencer: good, thanks. Doctor, somewhat bewildered: you booked an emergency appointment due to *checks notes* chronic low mood and suicidal ideation. Spencer: oh, that.

Therapist: and what did we talk about last time? Emily: my illness is chronic but my tits are iconic. Therapist: no.

Tara: *pitches an idea* Emily, impressed: huh, there might actually be something here! JJ, under her breath: yeah, a lawsuit.

Emily: JJ and i were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Tara: what did you do? Emily: she chased him to the next red light, reached into his window, and– JJ, walking in: who wants a steering wheel?

Derek: sometimes Emily can be a straight up dumbass. Penelope: *chokes on her water* Derek: …what? you good? Penelope: sorry, i just never thought i'd hear "Emily" and "straight" in the same sentence.

*the team are playing Among Us* Derek: i’ve called an emergency meeting because someone in here vented. Spencer, does not understand the game: i told you those things in confidence.

Spencer: you know what i’ve realized? Hotch: some thoughts are better left unsaid? Spencer: nice try, anyways–

Luke: can you hold this? Spencer: that’s your hand. Luke: yes.