Drew Anderson
@imdrewanderson
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“Oh cool” -me hearing what people do for their job no matter what it is
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when you see these girls at a cafe you know the food is gunna be avg to bad
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my grandma: I knew you were gay because you were always staring out the window
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straight men posting pics of buildings to Close Friends
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still can’t believe Carrie invited Big to Aidan’s house upstate…
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nothing will ever compare to the feeling of MoviePass
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2 year anniversary of me sending this after a first date & wanted to share:
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Worth mentioning today that my parents were going through a terrible divorce during my Bar Mitzvah & I learned a choreographed dance to help ease the pain loll
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that strange time between 9/11, Chris Evan’s dick pic and Thanksgiving.
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I worked at Abercrombie kids (sad) in 2003 and on the first day of “training” they told us we’d be lifelines for each other forever...
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visited my grandma and she was holding my headshots from 2007 when I arrived (lol)
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One of my first jobs was as a camp counselor and on the second day of camp this 10 year old girl walked up to me and said, “you’re trying too hard.” I think about this all the time.
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My wife and I escaped NYC right before quar to our country home and we’re here to tell you that NYC is dead. We’re both architects and grew up in TriBeCa, although right now we’re mostly brewing “kombucha” (sp?) Please find link to our in-depth piece in the NYTimes below:
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one ticket to Challengers at AMC 19th street please :)
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GRACE AND FRANKIE!
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Yea - will dick u down
Yup - will take you hiking
Yes - will be a father/disciplinarian
Yeah - hates u
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a lot of people are fleeing to childhood mansions. . .
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When I watch someone's instagram story 16 seconds after they post it, I am 14 years old, a fan, should be jailed. When I watch a story 23 full hours after the post it, I am a pilot who has been flying overseas and doesn't even know what "instagram" (sp?) is...
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When I use lower case letters in a text I feel young, alive, exuberant, gen z, leaving my trailer of Euphoria etc. When I use upper case letters, I am the oppressor, aggressive, needy, leaving my trailer of Chernobyl etc.
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today’s plan:
-weed butter on a scone
-move to living room
-continue watching “dance” movies
-cry?
-call grandma
-find a porn that makes me feel alive
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hi! - I like u
Hiiiii - I love u
hey - I hate u
hello. - I’ve murdered someone
Hello - emailing my cousin
hi mama - you’re my mom
hey sis - you’re my sister or gay
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approaching the 3 year anniversary of me sending this after a first date and wanted to share:
2 year anniversary of me sending this after a first date & wanted to share:
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doing standup comedy tomorrow for the first time in 13 months....
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I’ve never passed by a Cheesecake Factory without saying out loud “oh there’s a Cheesecake Factory”
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When I make a salad dressing from scratch, I am Mother Earth, in Tuscany, bathing in the rain, my Italian lover whisks me away for the weekend, I wear linen, I am truly free etc.
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too bad gays can still get fired for being a HUGE BITCH
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pronounced Maddie :)
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when people take forever at ATMs it’s like….what’s….going on??
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Give this extra fake eating in this ep of SATC an Emmy
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Normalize NOT asking people how they know each other!
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@ Maggie Gyllenhaal, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? I’m in park slope & alone. Not very confident we’d hit it off at all but could be fun? I’m steps from the food coop. I’m a Leo. DM me luv xx
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ugh why are all my gay friend’s straight brothers all private on insta???
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Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for the Next Elle Woods (2008) is on YouTube.
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Once I drop my YA novel about a Jewish girl who falls in love with a vampire on her Birthright Israel trip, it’s over for you hoes.
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me when I check my crush’s IG story 50 seconds after they post it
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Taking my lover to Cheesecake Factory indoor dining at 30% capacity on V Day is my right as an American!!
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too dangerous for an election and yet...schools...are...reopening....!2(/7/!1!—$)-$—&??
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these gays you’re calling “king” don’t have a bed frame !
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My girl Michelle Branch blasting at the COVID-19 testing site. We’re all cheering.
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your ex is going Live with your 5th grade teacher tonight at 9PM
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Sometimes you like baseball and bat and sometimes you like a lip tint. Bada bing bada boom, honey.
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being quarantined with a lesbian couple has shown me the true power of stage management in everyday life.
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If someone were to have told me when I was younger that in 2020 I’d be a gay, single comedian quarantined in my apartment during a health crisis listening to Jessica Simpson’s audiobook, I would have said: “fuck really????”
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My fave sexual position is just laying down while being caressed, which I think is the ACTUAL doggy position.
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so are we all just agreeing to do Instagram stories until death?
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stoned out of my mind about to watch Arrival for the first time with boyfriends parents
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I love New York! The pulse runs through every borough! Astoria, Brooklyn, other places etc. I throw my hair in a messy bun, take a drop in class at my local studio and just say FUCK IT. This is My City My Rules.
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On this cold December day, I can’t help but think about the time I saw Dianne Wiest in a Pret a Manger (!) and asked her for a pic (!) and she said no because “it get’s too complicated”...(!)
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seeing a lot of these couples at my eclipse viewing at the cemetery in south slope…
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My parents chose to frame and hang this (very vulnerable) photo of my gay ass during my brother’s Bat Mitzvah.
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worth mentioning today that my Bar Mitzvah theme was (lazily)...Colors
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stoned hot boys who had to leave a party early due to social anxiety for Bernie
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Quarantine forced me to do a lip sync of Jessica Simpson’s audiobook:
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Every British wife in a period drama asking if her husband is gay:
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I did eat an edible and go on a hike with my mom yesterday and she did ask me if I was a top or bottom.
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me in the green room with 23 year olds once comedy starts again :)
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anti vaxxers walked so anti maskers could run to fucking brunch!!
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any porn recs for quarantine? Things I’m into:
-couple swaps
-the musical Chicago
-the musical Ragtime
-taco bars
-Greta Gerwig
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me topping after a long time:
It just feels good to be sharing this side of me again. In its purest form. A real side of me I have been itching to put back into the universe.
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crushed up some Tostitos & threw them into my salad for a little crunch how r u shaking up lunch
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Bloomberg paid millions to be humiliated on a public stage. I can relate doing improv from 2008-2012.
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accidentally joining people’s Live video is excruciating
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fuck nudes..send me a dated invoice from your lobotomy :))
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just accidentally sent a nude to my shared family album...not a single response
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