ILANA COHN
@ilanainla
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Writer, Director, Actor. You may find me doing stand up... somewhere.
The Shower... I wish
Joined June 2009
Maybe Tenacious D can get the band back together and make a song to support the @WGAWest. It’s “The Greatest and Best Final Offer… Tribute.”
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Took my first solo trip to NYC in over a decade! I’m so excited, but also my cat is at home, dying, and I’m not with her or my kids. So if you see me and I spontaneously become a puddle, this is why. Good idea to do some stand up this weekend? I love a risk!
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Just watched episode 3 of The Last of Us, was not expecting to be leveled by the greatest love story of the year. #BillandFrank forever!
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It looks like she forgot to do her school project and her dad hit up the dollar store then pulled an all nighter high on coke. #MissUniverse
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If you’ve never popped out of the shower mid shampoo to look up a Yiddish word, are you really even Jewish? #jewishhumor #realquestion
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So grateful to have been part of Brad’s acting community. He was my first real acting teacher in LA and I spent years in those classes becoming an artist. He was a gentle giant and a force and built something really special. Rest in peace Brad Henke. Sending love to your family❤️
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I like to picture @kanyewest at home listening to @taylorswift13’s Midnights wondering if Vigilante Shit is about him as he weeps into his Yeezys.
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Doing stand up with some lovely people this Saturday. There will be dinner and drinks. We are at home in Los Feliz so DM me for the address!!! Have to limit access to any axe murderers.
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Watching @elonmusk negotiate with @StephenKing on a price for the verified check mark makes me feel like the time is closing in on when we all jump ship to the new timeline of this life simulation in which we all seem to be trapped.
@StephenKing We need to pay the bills somehow! Twitter cannot rely entirely on advertisers. How about $8?
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They better beef up security at #keds!
After Adidas dropped him, Kanye West showed up uninvited to Skechers headquarters to try and find a new home for his Yeezy shoes, but was immediately escorted out. Skechers is owned and operated by a Jewish family.
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Check out McCurdy Point, a film feature I'm supporting on @seedandspark! I love a lot of the weirdos involved in this film and can't wait to see it!
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Doing some stand up at the Fanatic Salon this Saturday night, 8pm! Come out for some Full frontal comedy!
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Sometimes I feel like my phone is my only friend. Is this how AI takes over everything? It seems too simple.
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I’m seeing TikToks for pumpkin flavored things, and while I’m very into it, I just wanted to make sure… it’s still fucking August, right?!
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Writing is like doing a puzzle. You stare at that empty space long enough, eventually you’ll get something beautiful. No, YOU’RE high!
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If Lea had covid 10 days ago, but saw Kim on day 8 and Kim is traveling to Paris with BF Will who saw Marc who had no symptoms but tested positive. But then Kim cheated on Will with Marc how many flight delays will it take for Kim to get to Paris? . #covidMath problems
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a TV in every fucking room, multiple TV's above the indoor drowning tub (in case electrocution is more your jam). Walking distance to Utica schools, in case any of your sex slaves accidentally get knocked up. This is a MUST SEE!
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and see the cubed 1980's block windows. You'll think to yourself, "Is every room in that house a bathroom?" Inside you will find a death trap staircase, easy to clean up flooring, a starship enterprise kitchen,
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I rewrote the listing: Have you always dreamed of living in a fully functioning sex dungeon in the suburbs? Here's your chance! Youwill be saying HUH from the moment you drive up to the 7 car driveway (ample space for all your victims)…
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