A little weekend work keeps the deadlines at bay.

Me at the start of a project vs. 2 days into it.

FYI developers: I see you deleting your @Jira tasks on the last day of the sprint.

This tweet was tested in prod:

This account was a project I couldn’t manage.

📍developers. |. |. | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. |.📍testing in beta. |. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | . |. |. |.📍testing in prod.

Is this the hard brexit conservatives want?.

Our burndown chart looks like the plains of Nebraska: flat.

There’s a special place in hell for companies that make you enter your email address just to unsubscribe from their incessant marketing emails.

I look forward to convincing my relatives to use my team’s product during the Thanksgiving Holiday to give our usage metrics a ‘little extra boost’.

Don’t be the person that eats chips at their desk.

*start of a conference call*:. My brain:.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it.don’t say it. Me: Hi everyone, thanks for jumping on the line.

Today I had my monthly “Well I guess were not meeting our commitments this month” moment.

“Creative solution” is project manager speak for “operations nightmare”.

Peak Project Management is having your foot on the gas pedal as much as possible without causing the devs to revolt.

I committed to our VP we’d have this feature released by the end of the week without consulting the devs. Hope they aren’t too surprised!.

Still asleep and this date slipped too.

If it’s not marked as ‘Resolved’ in JIRA, I want hourly status updates and ETAs from the devs.

This is my motto.

I feel attacked.