http://t.co/1jUbx4wE4w A moral compass is just a clock that isn't drunk enough.

http://t.co/WkoU4ogfTC Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/1xOJCrGisg

http://t.co/p8ZVLt3fxZ How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence?

http://t.co/aykczrSu Excited to pick up "Anxiety Birds" tomorrow. It's like "Angry Birds," but Jewish.

Raspberry Ketone Works! http://t.co/1aSyMWJ9

The New Breed Supplement called Raspberry Ketone Weight Loss http://t.co/EaOjrNNh

What is the Best Raspberry Ketone Supplement for Weight Loss? http://t.co/cofaObKz

Just watched 7 hours of the Inside of my Eyelids Channel. Lotta black shows. http://t.co/mLfkrIdn

http://t.co/AVH1NKVh It’s weird to sit and not eat, right?

Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough. http://t.co/TrSM9Yy5

http://t.co/jquHqoEE I'm not saying you're fat, but you should consider having CPR instructions tattooed on your chest.

http://t.co/j4ygwEer My business card is just a moist slice of cantaloupe.

http://t.co/R3CaDsWj I'm glad I didn't go to primary school with Freud. I bet his "your mom" jokes made a few kids cry.

I always hit "ignore call" with my middle finger. http://t.co/R3CaDsWj