Jude D
@heyitsJudeD
Followers
67,639
Following
2,988
Media
8,651
Statuses
315,877
Am I real? Do I exist? I was lost but now am found... DM me if you dare! This is a boob Stan account!
England, United Kingdom
Joined December 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Finally warm enough in England to go and sit in the garden with my husband and ignore him in a different place!
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Most of adulthood is saying 'what the fuck?' under your breath about everything and then you die
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Is it possible to be really sexy at 58? (Next week!)
Asking for my daughter's dress I am wearing!😂
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3yo: what's a swear word?
Me: it's a bad word that you musn't say
3yo: like damn?
Me: *relieved* yes!
3yo: I fucking knew it!
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Unplugged the WiFi for 10 seconds and a teenager I didn't know existed appeared from one of the bedrooms to complain
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What rhymes with 'divorce'?
I want to get this Valentine's day card just right.......
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My vagina is still open but my baby maker is closed
Flirting in your 50's is easy!
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My daughter gave me these jeans earlier! Am I too old for them? Or can a woman in her fifties wear whatever tf she wants?
Only one right answer here! 😂
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Not saying my marriage is bad but I swiped left when I saw my husband on Tinder
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Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat....
Not as easy as it looks is it?
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Found my husband's secret porn stash so I added one of me to freak him out
Now we wait....
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Netflix has never asked me if I'm still watching; I feel deprived!
But merry Christmas everyone!
My Christmas day dress
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My boobs and me are full of booze and bad decisions! Hit us up!
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I don't send 'boob pics' I send 'bosom portraits' cause I'm classy af!
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Is blow job one word or two?
I want to get this job application letter just right.
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One of my boobs is slightly bigger than the other, do you want to see?
Me, flirting
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Just gonna post pics of my boobs! Cause no one gives a shit about the jokes!
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Walking around the house in my undies again...
Not sure whose house it is, but I'm sure they won't mind
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I'm so old I can't have kids anymore!
Flirting in your 50's is easy!
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Bank robber: everyone get down now!
me *starts dancing frantically*
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During sex:
Her: oh, deeper.....
Him: what's the meaning of life?
Her: no, harder...
Him: solve Fermat's last theorem....
Her: ffs! Just come.....
Him: on Eileen?
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Just got asked for ID in the supermarket buying wine. I'm 55; nothing can kill my mojo today!
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My boobs and I will be here all day!
Don't thank me all at once!
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I don't dress for you, I dress for me
When I take my dress off, that's for you!
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My husband asked me what I wanted for Valentine's day
Is 'a divorce' an acceptable answer?
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My husband said he wanted to have a word with me earlier.
If that word isn't 'divorce' I don't want to hear it!
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My husband told me that the magic has gone from our relationship so I stuck a wand up his ass
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My father in law fell and hit his head last night.
He died.
Go and see the ones you love while you can.
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Might fuck around and sext myself; my boobs and I deserve a bit of fun!
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I'm so old I can't have babies anymore!
Flirting in your 50's is easy!
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I have moved from mom Twitter to porn Twitter and I couldn't be happier
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Behind every strong sexy woman there's a man poking her in the butt with a boner
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Maybe me and my boobs should slide in some DMs, maybe we should go to bed?
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I'm so old I can't get pregnant!
Flirting in your 50's is easy!
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Just squirted coconut conditioner all over my boobs while washing my hair
It's the nearest I've come to having sex for ages!
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My husband asked me what I'd like for my birthday
Is 'a divorce' an appropriate answer? Asking for me.
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Last year I was raped anally and vaginally by a young 'friend' of the family. I was 53. Just a long line of sexual abuse that women have to put up with since someone tried to rape me in a subway at 15! Sorry if this tweet makes you uncomfortable; it's the reality for many women
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My husband said did I want to have sex and I got all excited before I realized he meant with him
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My sex tape's just me trying to remove yoga pants when drunk...
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Just squeezed my own boob and sighed hard in case your wondering how my sex life is going
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I'm mainly on Twitter for the unwanted advice from complete strangers....
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I can't wait for this quarentine to be over so I can not go anywhere voluntarily
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My belly and boobs wobble when I have sex, deal with it!
Therapist: I meant problems in your relationship!
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My boyfriend's really happy we can meet up again now lockdown's over
My husband not so much so
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I'm not introverted, I'm not extroverted...
I'm just perverted
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I'm going to let my boobs run amok tonight and you can't stop me!
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Save time on laundry by spending all your time naked
You're welcome!
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A load of falling lizards is called a blizzard, right??
Imguana see myself out
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me: *quarantines self*
*runs out of wine*
me: *unquarantines self*
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My husband asked what I wanted for Valentine's day
Apparently 'a night out with my boyfriend' is not an acceptable answer
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Me and my boobs are giving out free hugs to tonight! We all need one, right? Right?
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My husband said he wanted complete honesty in our relationship
So I said I wanted a divorce
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Just sucked the popsicle right off the stick in case you were wondering how I am at the sex thing!
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So a 'cheat day' doesn't mean you can fuck someone who isn't your husband?
Whoops, my mistake!
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Just got a lovely new boyfriend!
Why can't my husband just be happy for me?
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On behalf of all women, we hate men who tweet shit like this!
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My sex tape's just me inadvertently doing the splits in a very short dress and high heels when drunk...
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When your doctor asks you 'How are you feeling today?' 'horny' is not an appropriate answer
I know this now
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My undies are always matching which must mean I want sex all the time right. Right?
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