Razor
@hale_razor
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Conservative politics humor. Satire. Snark. Sarcasm. Succinctness. Brevity is the soul - nay, the very essence and entire being - of wit, irony, and jocularity.
Wherever Liberty is Threatened
Joined February 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
Just think of it as DACA for Americans needing relief from unemployment and payroll taxes.
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2000-Gore refuses to concede & spends over a month in court challenges: HERO!
2018-Abrams refuses to concede for almost two weeks & challenges legitimacy of vote: HERO!
2020-Trump refuses to concede until allegations of voter fraud are resolved: UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY
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“Don’t blame all illegal immigrants for the heinous crimes of one,” said the folks who blame everyone in the NRA for acts committed by people not in it.
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Pence: we disagree, we fight, but we come together as the great nation we are
Harris: let me tell you about Joe
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Two months into mandatory government lockdowns, and so weird we haven't seen any Antifa protests against fascism.
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Biden sends 70 airplanes of immigrants to Florida: crickets
Florida sends 50 immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard: OMG HUMAN TRAFFICKING HUMANITARIAN CRISIS!!!
Martha’s Vineyard sends those 50 to a military base: brave hugs and tears
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CNN admits to putting out disinformation to impact an election, and the guy who revealed that is the one Twitter suspends.
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You know a Republican is in the White House when Apple announces a commitment to the economy of $350B and 20,000 new jobs, North and South Korea are talking, the Dow closes above 26,000 for the first time... and the news media is focused like a laser on the President’s weight.
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A guy escaped North Korea on crutches, but the real hero is the sister of a murderous tyrant that gave Pence some serious side-eye.
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Maybe in the future, and I’m just spitballing here, the whole nation shows ID at a polling place and votes at once in person, we can call it Election Day.
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Starbucks: "Ever since we became political, sales have been way down."
Red Hen: "Hold my latte."
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LAST MONTH: Trump must use his power to shut down the economy
THIS MONTH: Only states & govs have power to reopen the economy, Trump thinks he's a dictator
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Manafort gets prison time for not paying taxes. Al Sharpton got 80 visits to the White House and a TV show.
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Please stop attacking the Green New Deal by using its exact words.
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When someone grab a cop's weapon, aims it at him, and loses the struggle, maybe the police officer defending their own life isn't the villain.
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Trump 'beheaded' - meh
Bush head on a pike - meh
Trump 'executed' by rapper - meh
Obama mask on rodeo clown: JOB LOSS & DOJ INVESTIGATION
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GOP are Nazis: meh
Catholics are racist: crickets
Conservatives are Neanderthal misogynists: true
Taunted student in red hat has punchable face: lol
Learn to code: VIOLATION OF TWITTER RULES OF CONDUCT, YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SUSPENDED FOR INTOLERANT HATE
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Last week: Trump wants a military parade like a dictator!
This week: The admirable precision of North Korea's cheerleaders will warm your heart!
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Wanted to avoid U.S. COVID restrictions so flew to Mexico then walked back in.
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Ruthless Evil Tyrannical Dictator Voted Out of Office Leaves Quietly as Caring Successor Sworn in With Massive Military Presence Prepares to Stifle Speech and Crush Rights of Political Foes
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Trump added 1.4M jobs in August before election: crickets
Trump added 11M jobs in 4 months before election: crickets
Biden added 916k jobs: SURGING SIGN OF STRENGTHENING ECONOMY!
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The Ivanka Trump email situation is EXACTLY like Hillary Clinton’s, except for the unsecured server, classified information, destruction of 30,000 subpoenaed records, bleaching the hard drives, then smashing them all with hammers.
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Al Gore wishes you a happy
#EarthDay
from his $9 million mansion with no solar panels and 6 fireplaces bought with money from Qatari oil.
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Obama gives Cuba trade: HERO!
.. gives Taliban 5 killers: HERO!
.. gives Iran cash & nukes: HERO!
Trump states Israel’s capital: GLOBAL THREAT!
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"A 'vaccine passport' will only be used by the state and large corporations for good, they won't use it to gradually take more power and crush your rights, and won't ever morph into something evil."
-same people who said lockdowns are just 2 weeks to flatten the curve
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Biden campaign says the Hunter story is debunked by Twitter, which relied on the Biden campaign, which is the logic behind how you get a FISA warrant.
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2020: DEFUND THE POLICE!
* crime rate 111% higher than nat'l ave*
2023: FUND THE POLICE!
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Odd that CNN isn't wall-to-wall with today's school shooting survivors grateful for the armed security guard that saved their lives.
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When they lose the White House, we must change the electoral college.
When they lose the Supreme Court, we must change the number of justices.
When they win one congressional seat (from themselves), the people have spoken and we must change our entire economy to socialism.
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If you think we’ve seen rock bottom with “Kavanaugh is a blackout drunk serial rapist,” just wait til Trump replaces Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
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2009:
2010:
2011:
2012:
2013:
2014:
2015:
2016:
2017: WHY WON’T THE PRESIDENT TALK ABOUT THE MILITARY CASUALTIES OCCURRING ON HIS WATCH
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We sent a hundred Marines to beef up security at the US embassy in Baghdad, and our ambassador didn't even have to send 29 cables begging for them first.
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Public gatherings to burn Bibles: OK
Public gatherings to read Bibles: BANNED
Left-wing activists bring a stack of Bibles to burn in front of the federal courthouse in Portland.
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CURRENTLY ACTIVE NATIONAL EMERGENCIES
(BY DECLARING POTUS)
Carter
Clinton
Clinton
Clinton
Clinton
Clinton
Clinton
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Obama
Trump
Trump
Trump: UNPRECEDENTED
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44: frees American hostage, releases 5 terrorists
45: frees American hostages, captures 5 terrorists
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COVID US deaths: 120,000
Days as president: 45
Nations bombed: 1
Press conferences: 0
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"Conservatives are fascists, Taliban, and Nazis," said the people who remove statues, 'other' their enemies, ban flags, use violence to intimidate, destroy livelihood of people who don't obey, and forbid opinions they don't like.
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7-2 for Christian baker: NARROW VICTORY!
5-4 for Obamacare: LAW OF THE LAND
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So weird how Jim Acosta isn’t quoting poems from the Statue of Liberty for the refugees from Haiti and Cuba.
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Biden printed $8 trillion dollars, broke the supply line, instituted oil-killing policies, leading to the worst inflation in 40 years for the second month in a row, which is all the fault of Putin.
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Last week in WI: “if a black man had killed multiple white victims, forget court he’d be dead already.”
This week in WI: “such a tragic parade crash caused by an SUV”
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Hawaii governor: DEMOCRAT
Hawaii senate: 25-0 DEMOCRAT
Hawaii representatives: 46-5 DEMOCRAT
So, clearly, the cause of the incompetent government alerting a whole state it was about to die is a Republican in DC.
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FBI is investigating why the computer repair guy didn’t accidentally delete the Biden emails then mistakenly smash the hard drive with a hammer.
The FBI is leading an investigation into whether unverified emails about Hunter Biden are tied to an ongoing effort targeting his father's campaign
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My favorite episode of Schoolhouse Rock is the one about how the CDC makes laws and can take private property without just compensation.
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Sarah Sanders can now drive in Saudi Arabia, but not dine freely in Virginia.
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@OttawaPolice
these words are more like something from the Soviet Union or Communist China than anything resembling a free Western nation.
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You know a Republican's in the White House if POTUS pays a surprise Christmastime Iraq visit to our troops, the stock market breaks a single-day record, but the big news is gossip about a 1968 foot exam.
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Liberals upset that Indian Nikki Haley checked "white" on voter registration, but cool w/ white Elizabeth Warren calling herself an Indian.
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Yesterday: don't smear all immigrants because of a few misguided divine humans
Today: all NRA members are murderers with blood on their cloven hooves
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Corrupt FBI conspiring to set up a high-level presidential advisor as a domino to take down a president would be a great story for MSM to investigate if they weren't so busy actively colluding with govt and cheering for it to happen.
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Democrats Lose Presidency: ANGRY VIOLENT MOBS
Democrats Win House of Reps: ANGRY VIOLENT MOBS
But don't worry: once they get all the levers of power, they'll be civilized, happy, and in no way put the boot of government on your neck and throw you in a gulag.
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@ericswalwell
WORDS IN CONSTITUTION
❌ woman
❌ man
❌ fair / fair share
❌ abortion
❌ health / healthcare
✅ arms
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@NewYorker
New York City is a melting pot of diversity and culture that welcomes illegal aliens, but keep out for those invading Christian-owned businesses.
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2004 Dems: Bush is Hitler
2012 Dems: Romney killed a woman w/ cancer
2017 Dems: Why can't Trump be like Bush or Mitt
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He rigged the election!
Ok not really but he’s Hitler!
Ok not really but he colluded with Russia!
Ok not really but he’s crushing our free press!
Ok not really but he’s mentally incompetent based on a gorilla hoax, book of lies, and an internet doctor.
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These recent Cat 5 hurricanes have never happened before and are a result of climate change, except for the five Cat 5 hurricanes from 1932-1935 caused by harmful broadcast radio.
#science
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@holmes_reports
@GlennYoungkin
@NBC29
Hello
@twitter
I found some misinformation being used to influence an election and i know how you hate that
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Last week: Republicans are Nazi scum and deserve to be targeted, harassed, and shunned like nonhuman trash.
This week: Words can lead to violence and we should treat people with whom we disagree with utmost civility and never demonize people because it could lead to their harm.
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Folks clutching their pearls that Trump might be leading us to war were awfully quiet when Droney McPeaceprize dropped 26,000 bombs in 2016, and had military actions in 7 nations.
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Hollywood so upset about harassment of women it invited a serial enabler of it to read a book at the Grammys.
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@girlscouts
it was actually apolitical, listing justices supported by both ends of the spectrum with an accurate statement of fact that all are women, but by bowing to the leftist ragemob, you made it political
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“If you keep demonizing a group of people, someone may get hurt.” -reporters who regularly call half of America dumb, toothless Nazi bigots
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1940s: this is fine
1950s: this is fine
1960s: this is fine
1970s: this is fine
1980s: this is fine
1990s: this is fine
2000s: this is fine
2010s: this is fine
2018: WE URGENTLY NEED SUPREME COURT TERM LIMITS TO PREVENT UNDEMOCRATIC ROBED DICTATORS FROM RULING INTO SENILITY
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You can decide to alter your gender at age 6, get an abortion without parental consent at 13, but to exercise a constitutional right you must be over 21.
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@ABananaRambling
The average New Englander has visited 7 states, but only 4% of Hawaiians have been to another, which proves that baseballs are made of pizza.
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Christian bakers would get less negative news coverage if they trained children at a compound how to commit school shootings.
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2001 “We’ll only spy on foreign enemies”
2013 NSA spied on Americans, but meh
2014 CIA spied on US Senate, but it’s sorry
2017 FBI spied on POTUS, but he’s Hitler lol
2021 NSA spied on US journalist but it’s just Tucker
2025 There were no warning signs about our new spy overlords
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March - stay home idiot because SCIENCE
April - no Easter selfish moron it’s SCIENCE
May - 41M lost jobs, no family visits for SCIENCE
June - protesting is ok because FEELINGS
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On the way to vote, expected to see rows of oppressed Handmaids and war, but instead saw three Supreme Court justices, 33% GDP growth, and peace in the Middle East.
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Member of Congress applauds fraudulently using Chinese spyware company meddling in a U.S. election
Actually you just got ROCKED by teens on TikTok who flooded the Trump campaign w/ fake ticket reservations & tricked you into believing a million people wanted your white supremacist open mic enough to pack an arena during COVID
Shout out to Zoomers. Y’all make me so proud. ☺️
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“Avoid gender-specific nouns,” said the account with a gender-specific noun in its name.
Want to fight gender bias? Avoid gender-specific nouns!
e.g.: Instead of saying "mankind", you can say "humankind"🙌
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A woman beat a well-financed man in a big U.S. election. They can finally put away those pink hats now... the patriarchy is defeated!
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"If nothing to hide, you'd appoint a special counsel"
*appoints Mueller*
"if transparent, you'd let Mueller finish the investigation"
*finishes 2 yrs later*
"an open admin would release the report"
*released*
"submit to more scrutiny"
*declassifies documents*
"COVER UP!"
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HOGG: children have absolute authority in politics
GRETA: how dare you criticize a political child, you monster
COVINGTON: children should be smeared with lies, ridicule, and cyberbullying if they wear a smirk and a hat
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Hundreds of teachers gather with other higher-risk adults in protest to avoid being in a room with dozens of low-risk students.
Teachers bring coffins, guillotine while protesting NYC schools reopening plan
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LAST WEEK: Jim Acosta lectures “But your campaign had an ad showing migrants climbing over walls and so on. They’re not going to be doing that.”
THIS WEEK:
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Manafort should’ve just met with witnesses in secret on a tarmac.
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Finally! Evidence of not one, but up to 18 deaths of migrants in US custody, seven due to subpar care.
Oh, wait. It was from the Obama admin from 2012-2015.
Nevermind.
ht
@RightGlockMom
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Maxine Waters, who did nothing wrong by steering $12M to a bank in which her husband owned a sizable stake, poised to control the House financial services committee and continue not breaking any rules.
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It works for voting, so just mail the vaccine to everyone, and we'll self-verify that we did it the right way and send the card back. No lines, 100% compliance.
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We don't know where Obama was during Benghazi, but Trump enjoyed two scoops of Breyers while killing a terrorist AND CNN IS ON IT
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“My simple test, what if Obama engaged in the same behavior? What if he told a Russian leader he’d be more flexible after an election, let migrants die in US custody, caged children, used tear gas on immigrants, & spied on & tried to jail reporters? I think you know the answer.”
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MONTHS AGO: a red hat & smirk are triggering
WEEKS AGO: deplatform cons for their words that hurt
TODAY: it's just a brain bleed, walk it off snowflake
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"At a certain point, you've made enough money." -guy who got a $65M book deal then bought a 7-bdrm 7,000 sq-foot Martha's Vineyard mansion on 29 acres worth $15 million.
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2016: ELECTION WAS HACKED
2020: Actually, elections are sacred and to question their results implying any kind of fraud is tantamount to treason
2021: ELECTION WILL BE HACKED
BREAKING: Security experts call for rigorous audit of California recall election, citing increased risk from software breach.
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So it is possible to free 3 American hostages from N Korea without having to release 5 high-ranking terrorists.
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@NPR
NPR, ultra-liberal taxpayer-funded propaganda outlet, attacks the fresh corpse of murdered Asian elected leader
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Trump 'beheaded' by Griffin: meh
Trump 'executed' by rapper: meh
Trump 'assassinated' as Caesar: meh
Suggestion Hillary take up knitting: OUTRAGE!
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In 1948, the U.N. created two nations called Israel and Palestine.
The very next day, a bunch of Arab nations used Palestine to attack Israel and started a war.
Now there is only Israel.
The end.
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Remember when over 100 newspapers agreed to run editorials on the same day defending a free press against Obama after he spied on AP, hacked Attkisson, got phone records of one reporter, while trying to jail another?
Me neither.
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2017 peace: HE’LL
2018 peace: GET
2019 peace: US
2020 peace: NUKED!
2022 war: “The adults are back in control and nuclear power Russia fears and respects Biden”
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AOC lost $27B in state revenue & 40,000 jobs: meh
Hillary lost $6B of taxpayer cash & 30,000 emails: meh
Trump lost $1B of his own money decades ago: IMPEACH!
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Thinly-sourced dossier says Trump is a compromised Russian spy: WALL-TO-WALL COVERAGE
One person claims Kavanaugh is a drunk serial rapist: WALL-TO-WALL COVERAGE
Laptop full of evidence & witness says Biden sways US policy for cash to him & his family: SILENCED DISINFORMATION
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MLK: judge people by content of their character
Democrats today: judge people by their race, gender, and pronouns
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2015: MILLIONAIRES ARE EVIL
2016: MILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRES ARE EVIL
2017: MILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRES ARE EVIL
*becomes millionaire*
2019: BILLIONAIRES ARE EVIL
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