mothman
@grantisdumb
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to the random girl who tickled my armpit last night at the LCD Soundsystem concert when I put my hands in the air to cheer… what the hell is the matter with you 😭😭😭.
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used to have a habit where whenever I started a book, I would read the final sentence, just out of curiosity. this book was the last time I ever did that.
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me to everyone’s IG stories 30 minutes after taking my adderall
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adderall hit just as therapy started and I accidentally told her the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth
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Made gut healthy pesto from scratch and it was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted
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YOU BETTER NOT MAKE A PURCHASE FROM AMAZON TODAY but if you want to tomorrow thats ok :).
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coworker I have never hung out with asked to do a joint birthday party
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oomf did a face reveal and it’s the man my friends and I hit with my car last summer while driving to the beach that we swore we would never speak of again
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brat summer is only just beginning :).
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was asked to “take it down a notch” last night while playing charades
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me declining to round up for children in need at the self checkout
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@WYETTHASSP0KEN and then the ending with “brother I just shit and piss myself” this video is my new personality.
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this is genuinely one of the funniest things she’s ever posted
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“hay una fiesta en mi casa” and it’s a girls fart party clearly.
Dua Lipa shares new drink recipe combining Diet Coke, pickle juice and jalapeño sauce.
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omg you guys would gag over the story I just told myself in order to live.
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hey girlie!! just wanted to check in and let you know that we all think you’re faking your chronic illness.
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gay guys loooove taking scissors to an innocuous t-shirt before a night out
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the conversation
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the face of a boy who just SUCCESSFULLY just broke into his own apartment with a credit card in 90 degree weather
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how it feels using all of my willpower to not say “this is just like sex and the city” every 3 minutes while getting lunch with friends
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try guys??? how about you all try GIRLS now streaming on hbo max.
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the separate AMC A-List concessions line is my favorite alternate form of the caste system.
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@agaycowboy I am shocked how many people are relating to this I have been afraid to disclose this information for so many years.
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Walking my fat corgi in my hometown and wearing a nicotine patch
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FANNY BRICE HAS A LINE WHERE SHE SAYS “I HAVEN’T READ MANY BOOKS” AND EVERYONE LAUGHED VERY NERVOUSLY.
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forgot that inside that icon there’s still a young girl from Greenwich.
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when my mom asked me what band the lead actress of Licorice Pizza was in
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Ryan Reynolds rewriting It Ends With Us during the writers strike
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laughing at this response from the receptionist at my doctor’s office
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you almost have to laugh when it comes to how many multitudes I contain.
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those seats
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pinkpantheress’ set so short at Portola she never even took her bag off shjjdsk
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told oomf I’m seeing Caroline Polachek tonight and she asks “is that a comedian”
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Girl “Excuse me… are you the…??!?”. Me: awkward laugh “ughh maybe yeah”. Girl: “omg I love pretty little liars!”. Me: “oh. Ha ha. I’m actually not in that show”. Girl: “oh I’m so sorry!! I thought you were someone else!” …… Walks away.
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Sabrina is way too old to be calling herself Juno… bitch you’re TULLY 😂.
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being a personal assistant in LA is cool because sometimes your boss will send you on an errand to Erewhon and says you can have her monthly free smoothie but they won’t let you because you’re not the actual member but you’re already there so you pay full price for Hailey Bieber
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The New York Times is preparing to publish a hit piece on me. I found out this story is running because a reporter from NYT emailed me and my colleagues her “fact-checking” questions. This is standard practice before publishing a story. “I am working on a story about Bryan.
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babe wake up a new video of Drew Barrymore crying to the beauty of what we take for granted just dropped.
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me seeing a photo of myself that I don’t like: well thank god I don’t actually look like that.
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this thread being exactly the kind of smear campaign Blake Lively describes in her lawsuit…. your tricks Do Not Work Here, Eric B.
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Demi Moore was born in Roswell, New Mexico, a town famously associated with alien conspiracy theories.
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nobody knows I saw Lee Pace fully naked in Angels in America in 2018
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girl you’re not Batman you’re him
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florence pugh in midsommar as her boyfriend burns to death:.
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