My mum: Please don’t walk through that park by yourself. I worry something might happen. Me: But I’ve done it for years, and you were always fine with it. Mum: Yes, but you used to have the dog to protect you. The dog in question:

Let’s go again

Lmao

Hey it’s Glinda

This entertainer is about 1,000x better than what I did.

At a kid’s party and having flashback of when I was a kids entertainer for a bit of extra cash

I should call him

OMG, just got a text saying I left my PJs at the flat where I was dog-sitting - and it’s my “What a sad little life, Jane” T-shirt 😭😭😭.

At my parents’ for the night, and my dad’s moaning that someone’s eaten the part of his gala pie with the “best part of the egg”.

On First Dates I never get it when someone insists that the other person answers the question “do you want to see them again?” first and when it comes to their turn they say no. Go first and at least give the other person a chance to pretend they were going to also say no.

Happy Friday

It was this btw

I hate the new Instagram feature cos I accidentally reposted this and then couldn’t work out how to undo it for ages.

RT @invis4yo:

Mad some of the stuff I used to watch as an early teenager. My mum used to ask what I was off up to watch and I’d say something like “oh a show with Billie Piper” and she’d be thinking Doctor Who and it was Secret Diary of a Call Girl where she’s whipping a man dressed as a sheep.

Ibiza throwback

“I know you’re a little curious”

These sort of tactics works when you’re 32 too

Some scammer has tried to set up a fake account under my name. Feel like a Facebook mum.

Swear every office has that one battle-axe of a woman. I used to work with one who’d threaten to ‘lamp’ people for something like a manager politely asked her to do something that was literally in her job description 😂.