Putting this on all my platforms. #quackity #APIDAmonth

Anyways, please don’t pry into details, I won’t share anything else abt the situation. I am still processing. Be respectful. And if you have questions on the Supreme Court rulings, I have some sources in my highlights on my insta which is also @ godslittlebee END OF 🧵

That was a small plug for the Pigs in the Supreme Court who abolished affirmative action and loan forgiveness this week. Blatantly racist and classist. Anyways…that’s all the lyrics. He wasn’t very….poetic but I guess it still hit hard for me so I guess I’ll take it.

The whole situation really did come out of nowhere especially since they are my age and so soooo young to have lost their life to such a cruel world. Pigs are flying (both in the area of belief based on the flying pig idiom and in the area of Pigs in politics be flying high rn)

We have to hide our identities and (Dream pun and neurospicy pun incoming) MASK. But these identities are so strong in our bones, our marrow, our DNA, that it’s a fight every day.

And yeah, the till I end up dead makes me think of all the anti-Asian hate here and all the hate for my other identities back in China. I am always on high vigilance because I’m afraid of ending up dead because of getting hate crimed.

But I know I can’t stay inside my head, I can’t get stuck on the grief. I have to honor their last wishes by planting their fav plants to honor them. And I wanna stay alive to do that in case no one else will.

With any kind of grief with a passed loved one, especially with no closure, we tend to replay what we could have said to help. What more could I have done to save their life? Yup, a lot of existential dread that comes along with grief and just being AAPI in the US these days.

I do fear that I will disappear, for being the identities I am here in the US, or for having to take the fast exit plan if I’m ever forced to go back. So I do check in the mirror to make sure I’m still okay. I think of them to encourage myself to keep on living and advocating.

“Crying first time I wore a suit” I think I did cuz I’m trans masc and also suits are expensive and I am a poor immigrant. “I saw me when I looked at you” when I met them, we were two tiny Asians with F-1 visas trying to figure out things our home country would never allow us to.

My first thought hearing both news was definitely something along the lines of “hard to believe, man, tell me you’re lyin’”. I think that’s pretty self explanatory.

Now, the lyric meanings analysis (sorry you can tel I was in honors ahahaha): I did get blindsided by the heatstroke news, but the fast exit plan was way more shocking The path they waked was the same as mine in that they explored unconventional identities similar to mine

But I also know the country and family was not accepting of certain identities they had that was more accepted in the US, and they took the same fast exit plan I would HAVE to take if I was ever forced to go back to my country permanently and had no option.

To hear this news, and to know that ASU had been lied to, was devastating. Yes, I did have a breakdown in the middle of the Walmart, but clearly it was warranted. I do not blame the family for lying, as there is a huge culture around “saving face”. I was raised Asian too.

We talked of how sudden our fellow student’s passing was and I off handedly said “yeah, what a freak heatstroke” or something along that line. The friend stopped and paused and informed me that the department heard that the late ASU exec had taken the fast exit plan.

So you can see why when I received the news of my friend and follow board member, I was in terrible grief. A few weeks after that, I was feeling better and felt like I had processed the sudden passing, when I saw a friend from the Asian Studies department at Walmart.

It was terrible news, and horrible on top of my dad and grandpa both passing during 🦠 and I couldn’t go back for either of them since all the borders were closed and we can’t leave while in the greencard process anyways. So I had to watch my father pass on video chat.

Two weeks after graduation, after one of the ASU exec board members arrived in their home country, I received horrific news that they had suddenly passed of a freak heat stroke.

Background context of why the lyrics hit hard (even though the musical part of it was….mid): I just graduated with my BA in Film Production this spring semester, all of the Asian Student Union board graduated. Recruiting was hard during 🦠 especially at a PWI

(18 parts after this tweet, read at your own discretion, I’ve given you warnings.)

I’m not a Dream fan anymore (he might actually be blocked??? Lol) But, this is a 🧵🪡 on listening to UIEUD on a bootlegged YouTube (don’t wanna support) and the words hitting too hard for a recent event. TW topics: AAPI, homophobia, racism, su*c*de (AKA I say “fast exit plan”)