otto 🔞 bg3 posting
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good girls go to waterdeep, bad girls go to baldur’s gate
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god please take all of my period cramps away and give them to astarion
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I feel like ppl forget that lae’zel is the nicest githyanki and minthara is the nicest drow
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bg3 sex mod is hilarious because i know for a fact astarion doesn’t have the knee strength to be doing all that
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everyone loves to give astarion a gun as if he wouldn’t cry over the kickback hurting his wrist
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the existence of gods in dnd being so tangibly real and there are still atheists. that’s a level of hateration we haven’t seen in millennia
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astarion means “little star” and is a common selunite name amongst elf worshippers. you can find a note about this from astarion’s first wife Octavia in the lower city graveyard
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homosexual tieflings who are prettyboy twinks are so ugly it would make me so mad if I saw them‼️ ohh it would grind my gears
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the new astarion breakup dialogue is so crazy he really caught you sneaking into the living room at 3 am and turned on the lamp to greet you like “welcome home cheater”
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hot take spawn astarion is the kinky one and ascended astarion only does missionary every wednesday at 8:30 with the lights off
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the funniest thing about the ascended astarion ending is imagining how SICK tav is once he brings that second spawn home. not so special now are we
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if astarion is canonically afraid of clowns it’s a good thing he can’t see his reflection
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what was astarion doing in camp pre vampire confession. just stirring and empty bowl with a spoon like MMM GOOD SOUP!
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praying I get to bite Shadowheart in this run because it’s so funny how if Astarion fails his deception check on her to tell her It Was Only A Dream she’s like “WE’RE ELVES WE DONT DREAM YOU FUCKING FLOP”
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one loser trait i like abt astarion is that when he’s being genuine he starts coughing
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im sooo picky with astarion like one time i dropped a whole fic because astarion said the word “gonna”
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astarion: what if I ran at you at very fast and evil speeds
wyll: I would catch you in my big strong arms and hold you so tenderly
astarion, punching drywall: shut the fuck up
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controversial but true fact. astarion would be good at driving. driving requires dexterity and coordination and he has that in spades. he just refuses to drive bc he’s gay and lazy
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I’m bored drop your tav/durge and I’ll tell I if Monday would smash or pass (dudes only he’s gay)
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so funny that calling astarion “the pale elf” is the same as saying “the white boy”
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astarion. 2 me
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where’s that one note about bhaal giving u spasms in your bowels every time you kills someone. cause honestly I was confused why anyone would join the temple of bhaal but now? that’s a whole nother thing…
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thank you now i can take her wherever i go
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do you ever think about astarion being like IM FUCKING SICK OF IT and going over wyll to hem his tank top and redo the laces
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I need an alt version of the ascended sex scene where it stops mid way through, Astarion is like “I swear this has never happened before, I must be getting used to this body again, just give it a minute” and tav is like “it’s okay… I heard this happens a lot to men your age”
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How do we feel about astarion PDA. I feel like he would see other people do it and think they’re cringe but he’s walking around with his hand in tav’s back pocket
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astarion doesn’t know what he looks like nor does he know his age, and he says he’s forever young……. does he truly not know that he’s middled aged
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“separate the va from the character” girl what character
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ANYWAYS please krill your idols i am begging u. stop worshipping “”famous”” strangers and stand by your beliefs I am begging u
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astarion’s like “what so I can’t have friends? Why are you being such a bitch” GASLIGHT KING
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@itsmadselyn
also no shade to OP at all I’m just crying over the picture he looks like anime George Washington
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replaying Act 1 and something I stand by is that Lae’zel is a genuinely nice person compared to how she was raised, like she meets u, a stranger, and is immediately like “hey come with me I can cure us I’m taking you to a crèche even tho you aren’t githyanki”
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“During my 200 yrs of torture, my master only allowed me to eat rats and bugs. So you can imagine how bad that was for my health! It’s hard to eat right due to things like your budget, schedule, or vampiric enslavement. That’s where todays sponsor steps in: Hello Fresh!”
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Question only for tiefling tav/durges but does ur tiefling communicate with their tail in any way other than wrapping around a person they like
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@tomenthalpy
the fact that astarion and wyll cannot stop fawning over each other needs to be studied. getting my degree in wyllstarion
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@Meanestlesbian
ppl can do what they want it’s just so funny to think about tav being absolutely gagged seeing the mask come off and then they have Best Friend Shadowheart being like “girl i told you…… didn’t I tell you he wasn’t shit and he still ain’t shit”
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he’s in a silk robe in a lounge chair drinking bourbon and listening to crazy by patsy cline. he put on mascara just so he could cry it off. pls see my vision
the new astarion breakup dialogue is so crazy he really caught you sneaking into the living room at 3 am and turned on the lamp to greet you like “welcome home cheater”
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@tomenthalpy
fuck the blood of thinking creatures he needs some collagen and fish oil for joint strength
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@barcuswoot
tav’s like “I don’t care how many spawn he has, I know who he comes home to 😤” meanwhile he’s got another bitch in the favored spawn room and you’re in the kennels
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i think wyll and astarion should make out stupid style. does anyone else feel this way
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there needs to be a limit on how many times you can say darling in an astarion fic
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It’s so crazy I found it on my first run and then never again, I think you need like a 25 survival roll to find where it’s buried so I think I only had it bc I had halsin in my party 😭
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no longer accepting astarion slander on my tl. i just took a lovkpicking class and that shit is hard as FUCK. i respect him more than i respect the troops
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I think we lost our way once we all collectively decided that in order to dislike something you need concrete airtight justification. sometimes ur just a hater cause u don’t like something. and that’s okay
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@drizztism
nah he rewards his most faithful w deep anal orgasms which is more than the other gods are doing
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when astarion was alive he was the most pro-choice magistrate in baldur’s gate! but not for reasons you think
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friend made a very good point that a lot of bg3 posts are like. either drama or “i never noticed she was holding corn in this scene” level of nothing-posts is bc people are not making transformative works. draw your fave being silly it’s good for you
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bg3twt needs a hard reset like restore this shit to factory settings. anyways who’s astarion
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im an astarion wrinkle truther in the sense that i think he should have more than he already does
bg3 fandom I love you and you guys make such good art but pleeeease please let astarion keep his wrinkles. please don’t draw him as a beautiful lotr elf, he’s perfect AND he’s got forehead lines, wrinkles around his nose, eye bags… i love all those features let him have them
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people wondering how astarion managed to pull that much over 200 years forget that club lights can soften even the most busted of faces
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@baldyourgate
Astarion is a funny one because the way he speaks compared to the others is considered antiquated and stuffy bc he is Old but also he says shit like “flop” because he is Gay
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to me there are 3 types of astarion fans to me. astarionwives, spawnstarion fans, and hag enjoyers
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@barcuswoot
Shadowheart doing this while she watches through binoculars so the player knows she disapproves
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We get hints of it but I really wish they leaned into Halsin’s beliefs and made him struggle with them more. He talks abt how he hates the city and what mankind does to nature, so maybe he could have realized that his need to protect the ppl in the city put him at odds w Silvanus
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@ghoulbrainz
please I want my timeline to be more insufferable. shadowheart’s last name hallowleaf translates to ‘sad leaf’ and is a subtle reference to the woods she was kidnapped in </3
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ascended astarion makes his other spawn jump on the bed so he can soak
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hasbro needing to shop around for a bg4 dev makes me kinda ill bc I can foresee the future where Astarion is milked for all he's worth even more so than he is now.
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@apachelicopter
yes but astarion just sucks at being a spawn. the other spawn are constantly teasing him. like lmaooo bro can’t even turn into blood mist 😂😂😂 he thinks he part of the team
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being vulnerable and admitting that halsin’s one line “may their corpses nourish the ground” goes very hard. is that okay ..
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unfriendly guard hotties
i have a marching band au but no one understands my vision
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astarion: why u got a warrior cats name
shadowheart: get OUT‼️
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I wish we could go on a date with astarion. I wanna go visit the markets in the wide and shoplift with him
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I love seeing all the gays downloading the same clothing mods at the same time it’s like there was a sale at faerun ASOS
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@baldyourgate
someone basically made wicked whims for bg3 i haven’t played it but the screenshots are so fun. you’re gonna look at me and tell me astarion’s frail ass is whipping and flipping it????? be so for real rn
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playing astarion origin is very odd cause like. Does anyone else feel weird doing the “good” options
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this is hilarious t me because I can see him inserting himself into conversations with like. Shadowheart talking shit over halsin or Jaheira being old, and shart is like “????????? bitch you’re in the nursing home with them”
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all the alt outfits of astarion wearing leather harnesses and combat boots are so funny bc if you gave astarion freedom to pick his own outfit he’s come out looking like chappell roan
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@hachiohgersbf
it’s funny bc I think vanilla gith are fun but when I see mods to give them noses and huge lips and airbrushed skin i can feel the hateration bubbling within me
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you could make the most outrageous tweet being like “astarion stole my bank info and bought a subway franchise but defaulted on the payments and now my credit is ruined” and still get ppl in your replies like “ummm but subway doesn’t exist in faerun??”
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crazy take but. if someone hates a hc and talks about it on their own twitter not under anyone else’s tweets. then who cares
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yeah I’m kinda fed the fuck up with the ass kissing in bg3twt like. That man issues the most Nothing statement saying “sorry I got caught” and you weak bitches are like oooohhhh thank u for the apology sir I forgive u personally. can I eat your ass now or should I eat it later
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@ghoulbrainz
It makes me so upset they changed it, for me it makes him more believable in his personal guilt for the shadow curse instead of him being driven by duty like it is now
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on a serious note my favorite little character detail about astarion is that he takes nice care of his things. he dresses nicely even tho the stitching of his doublet is fraying, he patches the tears in his shirt, and he hand paints the design on his one party outfit
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bg3twt is great because a conversation about racism in the fandom resulted in so many people telling a black person to shut up that it potentially ran them off the site. And yet we’re supposed to pride ourselves on how inclusive we are.
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it makes a lot more sense why Orin and the assassins talk and act like that
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minsc is hotter than halsin he shouldve been the romanceable one. cutscenes would've been crazy.
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wait would astarion be able to learn what he looks like in the self same trial. and then he would have to kill his double. that’s so great
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id like to apologize to the masses for not considering every single npc in the entirety of Baldurs Gate Three. I will not do better in the future
I feel like ppl forget that lae’zel is the nicest githyanki and minthara is the nicest drow
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