snow white eat ur heart out 🦜

We dining like kings tonight

Apparently in Japanese ”moshi moshi” means hello and “mushi mushi” means ignoring insects . Long story short I thought the phrase was mushi mushi.

Thinking about how my Happy Meal in Italy came with a brick of Parmesan.

okay so I didn’t actually sacrifice the crab that pinched me, he’s perfectly fine- this was actually a much smaller crab I found being consumed by an anemone much later in the day.

Crab attacked me so I took him out

RT @canelaasweetie: When they don't get your SpongeBob references 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.

My husband 3D printed me a glow-in-the-dark Rocktapus

Weekend at Bernie’s me to my own funeral.

I wish I had drugs so the drug dog would like me.

My parrot laid a tiny egg 🥚 (it’s infertile)

Barney is a furry.

Watching previews in the theater and my brother asks me why all the avatars look like they got fetal alcohol syndrome 💀

Petition to replace the Supreme Court with Steve Harvey.

yes im the best

It feels so good being so fucking happy all the time I really deserve this shit.

“What are you watching”.“The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window”.“Is that a Panic at the Disco song”.

what’s with older millennials and baby yoda.

You mean to tell me there’s 3 Pinocchio movies coming out this year? This is fucked up.

On a serious note can we agree that all singing competition shows are awful.

RT @tied_awake: On the most “I’m turning 30 in under 24 hrs” shit ever I just dropped nearly $2k on a washer/dryer.