forest fr1ends
@forest_fr1ends
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no affiliation with sylvanian families.
past dreamland, second left.
Joined May 2016
bad news is the hamster’s dead. good news is that it’s soft, clean and smells like a summer meadow…
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- anything yet mrs bainbridge?.- ah, yes now i see it. - great. well i hope that helps to explain what a ‘gloryhole’ is.
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- oh grandma, what big eyes you have. oh my, what big hands you have, what big teeth you have. - wow, well thanks for stopping by you body shaming piece of shit…
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RT @brainboxcandy: Day 12 of the summer holidays… and counting.☀️. 🛍️ #funnycards #Summerholidays #forest_fr1ends….
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- it was a prolonged and frenzied attack your honour, causing blunt force trauma to the skull and killing the victim instantly. - how do you plead mr mallett…?
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- dad, what were summer holidays like when you were a kid?.- i found half a porno mag once, fisted into the hedge round the back of budgens. lost the whole summer wanking myself half blind…
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RT @brainboxcandy: A cautionary tail 🐇. Not all 💨 are created equal. 🛒 #funnycards #staycool #toilethumour #acaut….
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please don’t be alarmed, and i assure you it was not intentional, but i think…. i have a toe inside you…
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- i’m back mummy. i’ve been to narnia and met a fawn and a white witch, and mr & mrs beaver and—.- jesus christ, wake up terry, she’s found our ketamine stash…
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this weather’s killing me. everything’s so sticky down there. it’s like i’ve been wanking with a pritt stick…
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i wish they’d turn that awful music down, it’s ruining my feng shui. torquin, how’s your goat cheese & beetroot gelato…?
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this sort of horseshit is the reason i’m divorcing you geoff, now let the f**king spaghetti go.
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i’ll be honest, this sexy ‘CSI role-play’ loses some of its romance when you turn on the UV light.
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what a relief to finally sort out our life insurance. let’s celebrate with some toast…
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i don’t know how to say this without denting your confidence, but for the last 10 minutes you’ve been licking my caesarean scar.
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- i wish i didn’t have to go to school tomorrow. - well, i wish i hadn’t done mushrooms this late on a monday evening sweetie, but i guess we all have our demons to face…
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oh the farm-life. the fresh air, the open spaces, the harvest of god’s glorious bounty, that dead duck being face f**ked by a diseased goat…
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- happy father’s day daddy!.- i don’t know sweetie, i’m a bit busy at the moment. ask mummy.
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need to buy cards? my new friends at brainbox candy got a shit tonne of them. use code: 5FOR10.
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