nothing about a tuna melt is right

I destroyed my family computer with viruses from pirating music and burning cds

Debbie Harry on "The Muppet Show" 1981

I’m trying to kill Dave Portnoy with my mind

Having your social security number memorized is SO American

You are not smart enough to homeschool your children

I’m cursed with expensive taste I’m looking for a butter dish and my favourite one is $240 …

"why do you want to work here" in a job interview

I hate when they’re mean to Bill in king of the hill

they tortured us with wicked for 3 years straight just to not win a single oscar im crying

A male doordasher is going to piss me off every time why tf would you substitute my delicious strawberry monster with a disgusting orange creamsicle alani

Ok I just spent $100 on lipstick

Drinking my passion fruit collagen water and pomegranate green tea before bed

Reading hundreds of classics as a teen and then realising I have to reread most of them as an adult because they totally flew over my head

I don’t trust you if you never had a klepto phase

Me on laundry day

Everyone is lying about cottage cheese being good

I was a Sephora rouge member in the 10th grade and now I won’t buy makeup until I’m completely out of the 1 product I have for each step

Just bought 5000 year old sourdough starter from Egypt

before u beef with me just know i’m deeply malicious to my core once upset