"This is your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man saying wear your mask if you have to go out and stay 6 ft apart!"

Me when I see Ashley

I be tryna voice my thoughts but it always ends up being like 5 tweets long so I just delete it all and switch to memes. That being said:

I be forgetting I have free will and I can just make hotdogs whenever I want.

I started watching Black Sails tonight at work and if you haven’t seen it, somebody gets fucked missionary style in EVERY episode (at least for the first 6 eps) The plot: Just a buncha unwashed folks in unwashed clothes doing nasty stuff to each other and one of em is a pirate.

I just ate an entire pineapple 😤 and my body acting like it’s brand new 😂😂😂

Randomly decided to read into the Kama Sutra… Some, uh.. good information in there. 😏

Announcing dlc for a game that isn’t even out yet is some crazy stuff.

Shawty recording a video in the car and her phone keeps falling. She talking about “idk how to remedy that” so I commented “How about buy a tripod and go in the damn house.” And she blocked me. Sorry for giving you a solution to the VERY stupid problem you gave yourself, mam.

Yall, a wasp just pulled a crazy power move on me and just landed on my glasses, where I could see that mf in 4K Ultra HD and just sat there for a few seconds knowing I wasn’t gon move I hate it here, bring me winter!

Also, because so many people have asked my opinion; the “enemies to lovers” trope in stories SUCKS and I hate it. That is all.

😍

I’m finna work on my night moves too

I miscalculated and had to watch the funeral too 🥺

Tony Stark’s sacrifice saved TRILLIONS of lives. RIP to the goat of the MCU

Started Avenger’s Endgame at 4:30, because I’ll be clocking out almost exactly when Tony’s funeral starts. Who said time management was hard?!

I’ve always felt like those folks who see an article of clothing and happen to know who created it are just liars. “Random Italian man made that dress I know it’s expensive!” Me: “They sell that dress on Amazon for $35”

Ima light the grill at like 8am tomorrow lmao I can’t wait.

idk who traumatized you but you don’t need to pay me back for your $7 drink

As an avid anime guy, I want to say I still bully mfs who watch anime because why are grown ass men complaining that the women always have big titties?! Nigga, WHO DONT LIKE BIG TITTIES?!? Be fucking for real

If I could go 20 minutes without dropping something that would be great