A rare pensive moment, contemplating my “Teabagging Boyfriend Squeezes Out Every Last Drop” painting. This one’s going up in Brighton Open Art Houses throughout May along with some exclusive prints and I’ll be there on some days to say hello. DM me if you’d like more info🌼

A chromatic test to discover what your body needs to thrive right now🌼

Brings a new meaning to “straphanger”

I’m tightly packed for December. Not sure how I’ll fit it all in🌼

In an age of empire, when Julius Caesar redrew the heavens just to track his battles and bedroom shenanigans, he invented a whole calendar. If only he’d waited for my 2026 edition. Old Jules got the Ides of March. You can do better. Limited copies on my website now🌼

Banish boring gift tags! I’ll be popping 12 of these self-adhesive 6”x4” Santa labels in with every webshop order up until Christmas, or you can buy them on their own for a little bit of money from my bio. Shock your granny!🌼

If it was still the eighties…

Sick of Halloween visitors? Bored of eating dinner in the dark? Keep those trick-or-treaters away with these Child Deterrent Posters. Ready to download, print and colour🌼

Destiny can be told from within. Like Tasseology, the reading of spent tealeaves, there is prophecy within our bowel. Embrace Asstrology. Although a first reading is “You dirty lazy fekker. Clean it off ffs”, there is more nuance to be found within the lumps and bumps🌼

In this painting, perfection is questioned one snip at a time. Perfect symmetry is a myth and merely society’s way of saying “conform.” One side always grows faster when you stop paying attention. You might manicure your chaos, but it still grows back wild🌼

I have to spell it out for my Etsy punters. My “Secret of Calm” affirmation prank is obviously too subtle for the general passer-by at art fairs and on websites. On the plus side, it means it’s the perfect gift or, dare I say, Secret Santa for the unsuspecting. Linkin Biro🌼

I thought it was about time I posted some “real-artisty” pictures. Here’s my palette / toastplate and the painting it spawned, a commission of “Thick Ropes of Seamen”🌼

Just three and a bit hours left to be next year’s Zena from Colchester! Search for Fanny Calendar on Kickstarter🌼

Are you sick of hearing about my 2026 Calendar? Then you’ll be pleased to know that today is the final call! Pledging ends at midnight. Dammit. Pledging rhymes with edging. I should have done a thing about that🌼

Unbelievably this “Pictionary with a strap-on” is listed as a family game! https://t.co/eGGc5w65S6

Gardeners: Can anybody identify this bug? It’s all over my peonies.

This Chomping Man #ASongOrMovieForHowToEat

August is looking like a busy one. If I’m in your area, do come and say hi. Might do Aldi for the big shop if I fancy the walk🌼

Online Safety Act: Government responds to calls to reverse new UK porn rules after more than 300,000 sign petition

I’m offering this free print to anyone fighting cancer, supporting someone who is, or who’s been through it themselves. Just message me with where you’d like it sent. There’s no charge but if you’re able to chip in a few pounds for postage, there’s a link in my bio. Fanny🌼

This Chamonix Man #FranceInASongOrMovie