Attention Los Angeles Comedians!: I’ll be in ya city April 10-15. If you have a weekly/monthly show that falls within those date, I’d love to come do a set!

If a man doesn’t like my dog, he will never have access to my “cat”.

I said this in my IG stories and it’s going crazy 🤣🤣🤣

Serena Williams really left her white man at home, to Crip walk to a diss track about her ex… I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!

The Illuminati: Eva, we’d like you to join us. You will have to sacrifice some family members. Me: I’m a child of God, so respectfully I’ll pass on joining. However, here’s a list of family members yall can still get rid of for me.

It is Hispanic Heritage month. I would like to personally send my love to the forgotten ppl of Hispanic heritage. The Afro Latinos. The Black ppl who no one believes them when they say they’re Latino/a. The Black ppl who get stares of disbelief, when they speak Spanish fluently.

In 2018, I gave a fellow female comedian some advice. Her & her followers called me a hater. 2 weeks ago, she reached out to apologize and let me know that my advice was in fact correct & helpful. I really appreciated that.

This is actual audio of my vagina, during ovulation. She has a mind of her own 😂😂😂

THANK YALL!!!! 🥹🥹🥹 God sent me here to spread laughter and I am walking in my purpose 🙏🏽 Please continue to share and be sure to watch the full set on YouTube. Can’t thank @donttellcomedy for this opportunity! #pride #gaypride #pridemonth #comedy #standup #viral

Thank you for your support!

Hey, thanks for the support!!! Follow me on the gram @evaevanscomedy

Today is my Easter Sunday 🙏🏽💨💨

I deadass be rolling spliffs during zoom meetings. Turn my camera off for the licking part 😂😂😂

I’ve done the research and collected the data. There is absolutely NOTHING sexier than Black men in their 40’s.

So apparently, I’m the only person in the entire borough of Brooklyn, that actually picks up their dog’s doodoo

I got my own crib, own car, college degree, good job, no kids… I’m exactly the type of man these bitches wish they could date 🤣🤣🤣

After 3 years of doing amazing work together, my therapist quit bcuz her modeling career took off. I was devastated. That’s what I get for pouring my heart into a beautiful woman. Now I know how heterosexual men & lesbians feel after a breakup 😂😂😂

Still getting accustomed to the office environment, but today I learned a valuable lesson. Apparently pressing “reply all” on certain emails, is considered to be a hate crime, punishable by death.

Smoking alone>Smoking with ppl

In my opinion, the following cities are home/birthplace of the sexiest men I’ve ever seen: NYC HOUSTON KINGSTON CHICAGO