Why should you follow me? Because I'm not just going to like your posts, I'm going to read and like all the best comments from your reply guys; saving you time and emotional labor

The right can't meme

how your email finds me

Are you a high dimensional unit ball? Because you hide almost all your volume in a thin shell

Now that everyone knows you're an American, you're not just tweeting for yourself. You're tweeting for your country. Don't let us down

Why aren't they showing where @DHSgov is posting from?

Call this the Tua state solution

I can no longer afford to care if you like my tweets (so you should like them unless you're a sicko who gets off on making people do things they can't afford)

I saw someone on my timeline say, "imagine not living in Memphis," so I did that, and it was one of the easier things I've done with my imagination

Nobody can ever be held accountable Therefore nobody should ever make a management decision

A computer can never be given the death penalty. Therefore a computer must never be allowed to read my tweets without liking them

I'm Elon Musk. For maximum alpha, complete with battles for princesses, you want the Iliad. I run it at 1.25X speed while fake-playing video games because that's both hardcore and historically accurate, and also, I'm linking to the wrong book

I don't agree with the consensus view that this deal was bad for Democrats. The deal puts the standoff on pause, frees the people Trump was holding hostage, and protects those people, in case it's necessary to do this again in January

I was followed for a while by that dumb socially maladjusted conehead

The underpass at the 59th street station is so creepy

I've been thinking about the best time to post a tweet. Sometimes a tweet will come to me and I'll think "no. this is not the right time." I'm beginning to doubt there's ever a good time to post a tweet

Did you hear children in NYC are being forced to learn Arabic numerals in schools since Mamdani won?

The White House made a whole video about arresting Sandwich Guy like he was El Chapo, and he was just acquitted of the only misdemeanor charges that stuck.

Things already feel different in NYC but it's too early to say if that's because of the communism or the Sharia law

Things already feel different in NYC but it's too early to say if that's because of the communism or the Sharia law

The Republican Party has nothing to offer downwardly mobile voters with graduate degrees. Just completely (economically, culturally) out of touch with this demographic.