Dylan Sprouse
@dylansprouse
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I'M SCREAMING
a funny tweet.
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“Yo get that pic of him in the fedora to really sell the message”
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sucks that @colesprouse and I would be more handsome if we just decided we didn't hate each other in the womb
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Can we all agree as a society not to force the death sentence upon wild animals who attack those of us too stupid to avoid them? No, Karen you should not be trying to face tune the Jaguar.
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Happy two year anniversary. Here's to us looking more alike with each passing year until we're a single beast with four arms and four legs that runs at a top speed of 50mph and screams like a baboon at nearby travelers trespassing into our woods. To many more!
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If one more of you mentions the DaNiMaLs SwEePsTaKeS I’m going to OD on crushcups.
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"Happy Birthday to the LOML @colesprouse and his brother, Green Mario!" - Riverdale fans today.
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IN THEIR MINDS: @colesprouse is a very talented artist, not only can he act but he really captures human beauty in his imagery. IN MY MIND:
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And to make matters worse, that flyer didn't help our situation at all :(
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Give your friend the signal u wanna leave by saying "I really fuckin hate it here please let's go now." They'll get it.
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You know @colesprouse , if I saw you sing in that episode I would've roasted you daily until you ended up in a psyche ward. GoOoOoD move.
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I have a confession. I once uttered a genuine laugh at the minions trailer. Just needed to get that out there in the world.
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Every man MUST have a flaw. That is why I don't trust Michael Bublé.
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On the bright side, McDonald's becoming fully robotic will probably mean we can get some damn ice cream after 7pm.
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Bored during your zoom meetings? Now you can have your very own “Unshaven Dylan” check in on you! Just set these as your zoom background wallpaper and WOW your friends with his love and support. Comes in SMOLDERING, HAPPY, and due to popular request, WORRIED!
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Just to clarify since it’s not written on the damn bottle: no tear shampoo only prevents IRRITATION tears, not emotional tears.
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You don't have to watermark your spongebob meme that shit's not going down in history.
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I just want to meet a flat earther in person once is that really too much to ask.
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Was the emoji gun really so provocative that it needed to be changed to a toy version?.
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IT IS WEDNESDAY MY DUDES.
let the magic begin. consequences (orchestra) is out tonight at midnight ET and the video with my friend @dylansprouse comes out on Wednesday 🌙
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Always get a good laugh when hot people on Instagram use wishing their friend a happy birthday as an excuse to post a photo of themselves. “Happy Birthday to YOU, here’s a picture of ME!”.
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Maybe your Coachella outfit today should be your sunday best you pagan scum.
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Most redheaded people say they have "thick skin" but I can very clearly see most of their veins.
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Only one word describes this picture and it is the word: Radical
Can we just talk about this #TBT ? @dylansprouse @colesprouse Uncovered this gem in an old tour case with one roll of unprocessed film
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Every Y you add onto "hey" is a different layer of depression.
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Billions of cow titties are squeezed every minute for their nectar. I don't give a damn about your "religion".
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You can't convince me these don't make the Squidward walking noise.
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I don't usually do serious tweets, but thank you all for the kindness you've shown me the last few days.
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Memes are like your sex life. Don't ever talk about them in public and no one cares for your preferences.
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If you're going to take away our internet freedoms will you at least grow a twirly mustache so we can identify your corruption?.
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PUT ON YOUR CRINGE GEAR, THIS GETS SPICY
Watch @DylanSprouse laugh, cry, and read perverted fan faction about him and his twin brother @ColeSprouse:
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Welp, time to pack it up, guess I've finally reached the top of the mountain. It's all downhill after this tweet
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No matter the context, shit’s getting crazy if the word “vortex” is used.
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The more I age the more I sympathize with the Grinch.
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The hard realization that growing older also means planning your own birthday party.
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It’s a shame that [STILL] within this industry so many talented actresses have to go through years of physically objectifying roles until they are comfortably accepting roles that the academy deems “ugly.” After which they are heralded as “brave” or “gritty”. Wth?.
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Put Magnus at 2nd again and I will feed him nothing but ham until you change this to the honest victor.
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Trying to teach my dog to bring me a beer from the fridge but he keeps wobbling back with empty cans.
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Why do both male and female stray dogs always have saggy tiddies? What happens out there?.
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I messed up. but I'd be a fool not to own up to it. Got to move past it I suppose.
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I don't wanna fug, girl I came here to snug
A rapper whose schtick is to include one verse about how much he loves snuggling in each track.
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Look, I know it’s 1am. but don’t you dare talk about Miss Dolly Parton in that way or you’re on my shit list.
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Every time you think, "Why do Cole and Dylan do that with their hair?" Remember, we could have had a disney singing career. So you owe us.
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Man I love this new #SuperSmashBros so much but some of the OG characters really suffer from ancient movesets. Characters like Samus, Kirby, (maybe) Yoshi, etc would benefit from a completely different approach to their design. Redesign them as ultimate fighters, not N64 fighters.
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How much acid does one need to drop before designing a new mario game.
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I didn't think we needed a contract for this shit but if you are my friend it is your duty to tell me I have poppyseeds in my chompers.
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I dont wanna hear that shit about Sarah Jessica Parker looking horsey ever again, you shut your mouth she is a lovely woman and you are scum.
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Japan doesn't need a military or navy because if N. Korea attacked Japan, millions of weebs would row over on their body pillows to defend.
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Instead of thinking of the things that divide us, let’s believe in the things that unite us. like the fact that we all know marvel meme accounts are not funny.
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I have hope that 2018 is the year we finally put ventriloquism to rest.
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Yo @JaredLeto now that you’ve slid into the dm’s of every female model aged 18-25, what would you say your success rate is?.
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I will have full, hour long conversations with my dog but refuse to read even a page of a user manual.
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Showing a side by side of a tiny baby and their adult self is not a "glo up" that's just a "grow up".
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Just sat next to a guy at breakfast who, for 45 minutes, photoshopped his girlfriend's selfies to make them look better. #truelove.
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Half beast half machine creatures stalk children on plains infested with giant rodents. The sun, a being of pure light has gained conciousnesss, both gibbering and wailing its existential nightmare like a dictator to the cyborgs below. This is the grimdark setting of teletubbies.
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There's no more transparent an act of desperation than every beer company suddenly releasing a seltzer.
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How come all these soundcloud artists look like they’re having a “who can be the ugliest” competition.
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How come baby monkeys can hold on for so long while this stupid human baby keeps falling off my back?.
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Proud to announce my participation in the huge Chinese fantasy romance movie, Turandot as Prince Calaf! Between losing 30lbs from combat training and speaking exclusively mandarin, this is a huge leap for me, read more here:
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If you see a Looney Toon character spray painted anywhere in that neighborhood, you better fuckin' GET OUT.
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The scary possibility that more people have consumed flintstones gummies than have seen an episode of the flintstones.
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@colesprouse Funny coming from a guy that picks his characters based on week one tier lists.
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If you're going to photoshop me in new pics, at least give me chest hair. .
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Billions of humans consume bean water every morning to stir them from slumber 🤔.
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@colesprouse You're lucky that one is already all over the internet. NOW THIS ONE WILL BE TOO. I will be the martyr http://t.co/bF8LjzHHWY.
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