Alright you hot hot eggs, I'm off on Bluesky posting to no-one and feeling absolutely fine about it. Although you could do your bit and make me feel like less of a no-mates loser https://t.co/5LrKkKqr03 Love you. And you. Not you. OK YOU

Oh lol I accidentally posted on Twitter

Watching Kelly's shoes again, I noticed Sex Robot from Whitest Kids U Know by the pool. But Shoes is 2006, and WKUK is 2007? He was a jobbing robot actor in the mid-aughts I guess

What a different show Cheers would've been if Sam and Diane's growing romance had been replaced with cutaways to a still image of a seahorse

🎶Barbara’s scabby cadaver Is gonna reach out and grab ya

Didn’t post this on Blusky cos I’m trying to be cool over there

Yeah I piss in a cubicle with my hands against the wall, always have, always will Unless I’m sitting down and having a sleep shit

Lads I just pissed for so long, directly into the water, that the guy in the next cubicle said “fuckin hell” Still got it

Just remembered that glorious period in history before LOL stopped meaning lots of love, and if you were lucky, truly blessed, you’d get a text from your gran saying “sorry you failed all your exams LOL”

When you get a letter from a long-forgotten agent titled “The Estate of Hilaire Belloc” you tend to assume you’ve slandered him on an edgy html page you uploaded to Pipex in the 90s

Thanks to a clerical error leading to a mispayment of royalties for the book "Return To The Baltic", I now owe 11p to the estate of Hilaire Belloc. Suck it Bellocs I already spent it on wigs

“it’s always projection with you people”

I accuse you all, when there are two categories remaining on Connections, of solving the easier one then selecting the other ones so it looks like you solved the hard one

"One for Jasper Carrott!" chuckles the car insurer, denying the claim for lack of narrative clarity

Did Jasper Carrott actually collect funny car insurance claims, or did he make them all up? It's finally started bothering me

Soon I will once again be taking wet Henry to the sycamore helicopters on the astroturf

https://t.co/OnTz49Toxw

The dignified Westie engulfed by Pomeranian chaos

There’s a new Greggs opening near us today. We’ve decided we’ll go tomorrow when the dust has settled and everyone’s calmed down

Whoa my bf has received an invitation to register for the private ballot to receive a code to join the queue for a chance to buy a ticket for the additional dates for the band that are “committed to the rock and roll dream” (BBC Radio, all stations) Yeah we’re kind of a big deal