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tanvee☆ | shedtwt Profile
tanvee☆ | shedtwt

@deftonesgirlie_

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938
Following
812
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1,384

she/her, shtwt & edtwt, 15, block don't report thanks

Joined June 2023
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
50 Reasons Why You Should Consider Self-Harm Recovery 🧵
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
Things I dealt with while self-harming to show you why it's not something to be romanticised🧵
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
2 months
Self-Harm Alternatives! A thread for SHTWT 🧵
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
artery. it didn't stop bleeding for so long. ive never been more panicked. take this is a sign to get help and to not almost kill yourself ever.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
1. To be able to wear the cute clothes that you want. 2. To be able to say "I'm clean" and actually mean it. 3. To not feel that fear of getting caught. 4. To be able to use a knife and a lighter normally. 5. To not have to spend so much money on aftercare.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
6. To not have your legs and arms constantly itch and be uncomfortable. 7. To be able to look at your body and think, "Wow, I look great!" 8. To not have to lie to everyone around you. 9. To not have to hide your body. 10. To not have to deal with those shitty thoughts.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
11. To not be scared of trips to the doctor. 12. To not have your family be on guard around you. 13. To not feel the urge to go deeper. 14. To not put yourself at risk of death. 15. To never hit anymore nerves or arterioles or anything like that.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
16. To not have your siblings feel like they're gonna lose you. 17. To not have to hide your blades and lighters and other things. 18. To not feel that guilt after you have a relapse. 19. To not have your clothes get stained with blood. 20. To be able to sleep without any pain.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
21. To be able to enjoy a warm shower without your wounds burning. 22. To feel proud of yourself when you hit a new clean streak. 23. To not be so irritable all the time. 24. To not have self-harm be the only thing on your mind. 25. To repair your relationship with your family.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
-and so much more. I'm so proud of you for coming all this way. You got this!! Please consider recovery before it's too late. You deserve it. YOU DESERVE RECOVERY AND YOU REALLY DO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Take care of yourself and stay safe lovelies! 💗
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
50. And lastly, to actually be happy. Believe it or not, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS and nobody deserves to get hurt in the same way that you hurt yourself. You'll never be "sick enough" for recovery. That doesn't exist. Your scars are beautiful and so are you!! You're worthy of love-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
26. To not have to deal with infection. 27. To never have to go to the ER because you cut too deep. 28. To not feel insecure about your scars. 29. To not feel ashamed when someone finds out you relapsed. 30. To never feel that panick when you hit something important.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
31. To connect with your friends and family more. 32. To not have your self-worth be determined by how deep your cuts are. 33. To be able to walk without limping and bend your arms properly. 34. To not feel scared of what you do to yourself. 35. To be comfortable in your body.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
36. To not have to clean up bloody tissues all over your room. 37. To not feel like you deserve punishment. 38. To realise that you don't need to hurt yourself because you made a mistake. 39. To be more honest with your family. 40. To not lash out and ruin more relationships.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
41. To be proud of your scars. 42. To not have to deal with leakage. 43. To not have your bandages be stuck to your cuts because that hurts so bad. 44. To not feel like you failed your younger self. 45. To not want to hurt yourself with everything that you see.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
46. To be able to look at yourself as a human and not someone who deserves to get hurt. 47. To not deal with something like this because it is terrifying. 48. To be proud of yourself and how far you've come. 49. To not feel like you aren't "sick enough" for recovery.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Self-harm takes over you. You're not a human anymore. You're just your cuts. Your self-worth is determined by how deep your cuts are. If it's not deep then you cannot see yourself as anything else but a failure. Each time, you set a goal for yourself. "I'll cut deeper today."-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
Note: I've been self harming for 4 years now and I've hit beans several times and fascia once. I've had to go to the ER two times. However, ALL SELF-HARM IS VALID.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
• You can never go back to doing small cuts now. Each time you relapse, all you wanna do is hit beans. Go deeper. Maybe even hit fascia.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
7 months
My culture is NOT your aesthetic
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Despite all the bad things, hitting beans is the only thing on your mind now. You wanna continue doing it. It's so addicting. You plan out when you're gonna relapse, how you're gonna do it, the exact place in which you'll do it and the depth which you want. It's all that you-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
2 months
i hate my body
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•The first aid is exhausting and so draining. But, you know you have to take care of it or else it will get infected. If it becomes very severely infected, you might have to get that part amputated.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Once the cut starts to heal, the pain gets worse. You get scared to take a shower because of how badly it'll sting. The area around the cut becomes excruciatingly painful. It even hurts to do first aid, at this point.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-just because you were unable to go deeper. You fall into a spiral of self-hate, thinking things like, "I'm a failure", "I can't even cut properly", "I'm so weak." All you can see when you look in the mirror now is a complete failure, a waste.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Your pain tolerance varies a lot. At times, it's extremely high and you are able to cut deeper, but other times it's not. You can't go deeper than you did last time. You get cranky that you failed and lash out at other people, your friends and family. You start hating yourself-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•People notice. You limping because you cut your leg open or why you can't bend your arm. They ask you about it, they're concerned. You begin lying to everyone around you. "I'm clean", "I'm doing good." You make up so many lies that once everyone finds out about it, they can-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
14) I can't begin to explain the dysmorphia. The cuts NEVER seem big enough, no matter how fatal they were. They always seem like little babies and I can't help but want to ruin myself more. It feels like my peace of mind has been stolen from me.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-never, ever look at you the same way again or ever trust you again. They become scared of you and they watch every word they say carefully because they don't wanna make you relapse or set you off. You make everyone around you paranoid.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
15) The scars. You may like them now but you won't when a few years down the road a kid asks you about them. Or when people look at you differently because of them. Say it with me, SCARS SHOULD NOT BE GLAMORISED THIS MUCH.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-can think about now. Hitting beans. Going deeper each time.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Hitting nerves and arteries, arterioles etc can make you die from blood loss and the chances of hitting something important become higher each time you cut deeper. You know one day this will kill you and you wonder each time you relapse whether this will the the time when you-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
• You ruin your relationships. Your close friends, family, siblings. You lash out at everyone a lot because of how bad you feel just because you couldn't go deeper. You say things to people that you never meant to and you burn all bridges. You become completely alone.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-but deep enough never exists. Even when you hit your goal, all you can think about is going even deeper than that. It's all you are now. Just a strong will to cut deeper.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
• Please, don't ever aim for beans. It's not something that should be glamourized this much. It will kill you. I cannot explain to you the mental and physical agony you go through with this addiction. I can't focus in school now and I'm failing all my classes because this-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
2 months
scars fading away should be a crime
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Please don't ever aim for beans or anything deeper than that. Consider recovery before it's too late. I repeat myself again, this will ruin you and it will kill you. It's not something that's "fun" or "cool."
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
END OF THREAD 🧵
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-I've fallen down so many times because my legs are too weak to hold me up. I'm a freak in everyone's eyes and I can never wear shorts again or look at a blade the same way again. I want to cut myself with every single thing that I see. My life has been ruined.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
11) I've kept blades in my phone case at all times and I feel too paranoid going anywhere without a blade.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
Self-harm absolutely should not be glamourised. Wanting to hit beans or going deeper than you normally do is not worth it AT ALL. Please don't ever aim for cutting deeper. It has ruined my life and I can't ever go back. Get help before it's too late.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-hit something that you won't be able to fix yourself and you die.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•I do hope you are able to get through this, though. All self-harm is valid and this addiction, overall, is a piece of shit. I'm proud of you for getting this far. Take care of yourself and get better 💗
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
2 months
this smells so bad
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
-addiction is all I can focus on now. I don't have any friends because they couldn't deal with me being this mentally ill. My parents are threatening to send me to the psych ward. My legs are weak and I can't even climb a set of stairs because it's so exhausting. I'm anemic and-
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
5) My addiction got so bad at a point i literally started using rusted blades and ROCKS I found on the ground.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
5 months
•Your mind is always filled with nothing but the need to go deeper. It never stops and it won't stop until you've completely ruined yourself and are just a big pile of shit now. You can NEVER go back after hitting beans. It will 100% ruin you until there's nothing left of you.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
10) I've cut myself in the school bathroom and got blood all over my pants and pretended like I got my period.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
12) Cut myself at my friend's house, at tuitions, at parties. I lived to cut myself.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
16) The amount of fights I have gotten into with my parents. My mom has threatened to send me to the psych ward and told me that I've completely ruined myself. My dad broke down in tears and told me that I'm ruining this family. It broke my heart. All my relationships are broken.
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
3 months
eating disorder? nah im eating dis order
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
4 months
i wish i could actually do this instead of drawing like a fucking pussy
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@deftonesgirlie_
tanvee☆ | shedtwt
1 month
18) I imagine cutting myself with every single thing that I see.
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