Dave Callan
@davecallantwit
Followers
19K
Following
4K
Media
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Statuses
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Penthouse Pet of the month 1986. Has popped up on Rove Live, Spicks and Specks, MICF Gala, Good Game, Whovians and JJJ
Melbourne
Joined October 2009
If I got caught on camera at a Coldplay concert I’d skedaddle too and I’m not even having an affair.
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Absolutely nobody:. Person standing in the rain about to invent the shower: what if we could do this like, whenever.
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The events of the last 24 hours seem to have completely inverted the groups that belive in conspiracy theories and those who don’t.
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Sometimes I wish @liamgallagher and @NoelGallagher existed in some sort of shared cinematic universe where they could occasionally team up.
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I saw Pearl Jam for three shillings and tuppence back in nineteen hundred and ninety three.
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A Hobart woman went out on the lash after the Olympics one night BAM Queen of the friggen Danes the place should be lit 24:7.
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Why is Sydney nightlife so dead when it’s a perfectly reasonable avenue to becoming Danish royalty.
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It does not need Christmas to function it could literally be about any holiday . Last Halloween .Last Anzac Day .Last Pancake Tuesday.Last International Men’s Day .Last feast day of Dueteronomy of Gath.
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From the guy who brought you “Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie it’s an action thriller set at Christmas” comes this absolute firestarter of an opinion: . “Last Christmas” isn’t a Christmas song. It’s a breakup song SET DURING TWO CHRISTMASES (this one and last).
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I wonder if the person who came up with the mistletoe concept also tried other tricks . “Well well looks someone’s under some elderberries we all know what that means” *points at dick*.
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Whoever wrote that Christmas ditty about the five gold rings and the partridge in the pear tree was tripping ABSOLUTE BALLS.
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Amy Taylor from Amyl and the sniffers has the head of a suburban housewife on the Gold Coast in 1971 CHANGE MY MIND . Like she should be just fully chain smoking Winnie golds in a brown corduroy sunken lounge with Eagle Rock blasting mean this as a compliment she looks cool af.
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Annual reminder that Santa can see you when you’re sleeping by default . To fix go to settings>pole>north>santa>times he can see me>sleeping>off.
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Creepy Crawly pool cleaners are mermaids to Rhoombas CHANGE MY MIND.
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I would have enjoyed Napoleon (2023) a lot more if chart topping Swedes Abba hadn’t spoiled it 49 years ago in the very first line of their Eurovision topping entry “Waterloo” (1974).
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To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize. Judging from the reaction of a woman at a party I just went to I am ruled by Taylor Swift.
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Excuse me for not tweeting sorry posting on here much anymore it’s just that thinking about the Roman Empire is a full time job for us men.
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Imagine if someone broke into your home sold everything in there to the neighbours gave your kids away then loudly debated whether or not to listen to what you have to say at future house meetings . That would feel weird.
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