Dan Ozzi
@danozzi
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America's Only Music Writer™ |
Los Angeles
Joined November 2009
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Supreme Court
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NAMJOON
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RM IS COMING
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SCOTUS
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renjun
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MAESTRO OFFICIAL TEASER 2
• 91165 Tweets
Kohli
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Alito
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Ferrari
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Harvey Weinstein
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Draft Day
• 50252 Tweets
カタール
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Brighton
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Emory
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金融所得
• 35939 Tweets
RPWP IS COMING
• 35853 Tweets
#RCBvsSRH
• 34987 Tweets
Newey
• 32038 Tweets
Dreeben
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#TimnasDay
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保険料増
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Kavanaugh
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Tiago
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オリンピック
• 10038 Tweets
i got to interview coolio one time and you bet i asked him if he was over his beef with weird al.
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i DESPISE instagram accounts that post screenshots of funny tweets. you wanna see a funny tweet? come here and sift through 92,000 absolutely dogshit posts per day like the rest of us
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all trump supporters should be publicly humiliated by the creators of the art they enjoy until they’ve got no culture left but jon voight movies and diamond & silk memes
YG invites fan on stage to yell out "F**k Donald Trump," kicks him off after he refuses
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when bloomberg dropped out of the race all his billions of dollars should have fallen out of him like sonic the hedgehog
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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ In this
┃╱╱╲╲ house
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we rent
▔▏┗┛▕▔ an apartment
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
because boomers fucked
up the economy so bad
that owning property
is an unattainable fantasy
for our generation
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
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very surprised to learn that “emo girl,” the song written by a 31-year-old rapper doing pop punk cosplay and a millionaire’s kid, isn’t very good.
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hello zoomers discovering metallica because of stranger things! here are a few things you need to know about the band. first and foremost their best album is st. anger,
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it's ok to listen to the band you're going to see on the way to the show but not on the way home. can't explain it but it's science
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Liam Gallagher's response to the Beatles masturbation story is perfect.
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dr. j robert oppenheimer, you are a member of...
OPPENHEIMER: a member of...
the american communist party. isnt that right?
OPPENHEIMER: well nardwuar i nev—
dr. oppenheimer i have a gift for you today.
OPPENHEIMER: oh wow my wife's communist party card whered you find this
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IT'S
ALMOST
AS
IF
THOUGHTS
AND
PRAYERS
ARE
NOT
ENOUGH
TO
END
GUN
VIOLENCE.
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you're a punk dude over 30 choose your path:
⚪️ crossfit
⚪️ barbershop culture
⚪️ craft beer
⚪️ mma
⚪️ facebook rants
⚪️ enamel pins
⚪️ tinder creeping
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i ordered gummy vitamins and the package sat in the sun so they all melted into one big vitamin that i take a bite of every day like an apple
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please don't delete it rolling stone. this is an all time great typo.
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i personally love the direction movies are headed. i was getting so sick of filmmakers trying to deepen my understanding of the human condition. i just want actors i recognize to wear bald caps and tell me the story of the first blackberry or who invented nikes. i love products!
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REPLACE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL WITH TEENS OWNING ELECTED OFFICIALS SO HARD THAT THEY CRY
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would like to humbly jump on this to add: here's henry rollins making bill maher look like a bitch (for defending statutory rape no less)
here’s roddy piper making bill maher look like a bitch
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the only interesting thing that has ever or will ever happen to the sex pistols
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Ever wonder what the rest of the Beatles' White Album looks like? Using the power of AI, I filled out the background. There is no limit to this amazing technology.
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Hell yeah I hope the militarized police force beats the shit out of me while enjoying a cool, refreshing Pepsi™
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oh jeez there are a lot of people in the replies not getting that this is A JOKE! (the joke being that the band's standout work is actually their 2011 collaboration with lou reed)
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Hello here’s my impression of every John Oliver bit....
...that would be like if we trusted a raccoon to fly to Mars. YA CAN’T FLY TO MARS, GARY. YOU’RE A FUCKING PANDA!! A PANDA!!! But if the conflict in Syria isn’t resolved soon...
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this dude is running for president and has fewer twitter followers than me, proving that regularly tweeting "japandroids whip ass" is a more popular political stance than whatever he's shoveling.
My platform is about real solutions, not impossible promises. That's what's going to beat Trump in 2020.
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pop punk bands on instagram: exactly 2.3 years ago we released this lil album and it changed our lives forever. happy anniversary to All The Places You’ve Been And The Things That Scare You That You’ve Yet To Find Until You Need Them Most
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@GovMikeHuckabee
stick to celebrating your people's culture of wearing khakis from Sears and taking rights away from minorities.
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take a moment of your day to watch the first minute of No Justice's last show from 2000
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generally i don't have a problem with van morrison and morrissey ruining their legacies by devolving into stubborn old bigots but i do think they should be forced to merge into one guy for our convenience. it'd be a lot easier if they both just went by van morrissey.
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tony hawk is the one guy i don’t mind seeing sell out. i’ll see him on tv doing commercials for daily fiber supplements or whatever and i’m just like hell yeah man get yours
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wish i could tell my 13-year-old self that the dead kennedys would one day be stealing my own jokes about them
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it’s not worth engaging w them bc it just amplifies em but i hate these transphobic fucks with everything in me. i hate the little deadeyed bearded fuck. i hate the loser who wrote the wizard books. i hate every gop doughboy making the same boring I Identify As joke. get fucked.
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the scene in garden state where he listens to the shins but i replaced the music with diarrhea noises
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i can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than kanye west. a jesus freak in a maga hat. yeah congrats dude you’re every grandma who watches young sheldon and mails checks to joel osteen now
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@WashTimes
@RebeccaHagelin
Didn’t she plagiarize an entire speech from the last First Lady?
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what band do you think has The Most Mid-Aughts Name?
i gotta think it’s Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, no?
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@JordanUhl
"for the average working person who makes... [trying very hard to imagine a normal salary] 300 beans a day"
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Pop punk/emo folks in the Northeast, meet me a few lines down for some real talk.
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This winter shit ain’t no joke y’all gotta invest in a real coat and put the denim jacket away for a few months. The hoodie underneath doesn’t count. You can’t put enamel pins on pneumonia.
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bloomberg spent half a billion dollars to be humiliated on stage when he could have simply started a folk punk band for free
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the most important music documentary of the decade is conor oberst being shown hobo johnson for the first time
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it sucks to not be able to give a woman the presidency but a cool consolation prize would be to give 150 million women free healthcare
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I wrote about Taylor Swift, and how this country has no room for her petty personal drama anymore.
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the so called "greatest generation" survived ONE world war. big deal. i have endured ELEVEN t----r s---t album cycles.
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zooey deschanel and her property brothers boyfriend have strong Met At McCarren Park Kickball 7 Years Ago And Now Live In Jersey City vibes
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[propagandhi band practice 1995]
chris hannah: ok so i wrote another 10 songs about class warfare and tyrannical governments.
john k samson: i have written a poem about my favourite armchair in manitoba and a mouse that lives in my sweater!
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the intro to "x gon give it to ya" is more effective than any pre-workout supplement you can buy at gnc.
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the DNC speeches made me feel a lot better about the future. we may not know how we will stop evictions or provide healthcare or save our economy or hold the powerful accountable, but we know that that we will restore the soul of the nation, whatever the absolute fuck that means.
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@KimKardashian
i don’t understand why more people aren’t pretending things are normal on their private islands!
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very much looking forward to another 7 months of being shamed into compromising my values to vote for an awful candidate who doesn't even win and then getting blamed for it for 4 years
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i will only watch the queen's funeral if they broadcast it on corncob tv
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Don't throw drinks at Tomi Lahren. She is a person just like everyone else. Sure, she makes money by spreading racism, xenophobia, jingoism, transphobia and actually yeah throw the drink what am I saying
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just saw a woman i went to high school with post that she's "doing her own research" on the vaccine. one time in our senior history class she raised her hand and asked the teacher if paris was in italy or europe.
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being photographed with candace owens is like watching the videotape in The Ring. your music career will be dead within one week. anyway so long MIA thank u for everything
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My friends are doctors, lawyers, and respected professionals.
I took Justin Timberlake's Man of the Woods photos and swapped him out for his NSYNC doll.
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rock music fans spent the early 2000s creating an intricate ecosystem of niche subcultures with subtly different personalities (nu metal, emo, goth, indie rock etc) and now live nation lumps it all together as nostalgia gruel that it distributes across a few $600/ticket festivals
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Idea: Punk Goes "Africa"
14 bands.
All covering Toto's "Africa."
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i wish i could go back to 2016 and tell all the "at least trump will produce great art" people that the only concert is a drive-in chainsmokers show in the hamptons and that there's a netflix comedy special by a woman whose entire bit is lip syncing his speeches.
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very cool that bands will never be able to safely tour again because these people had to play their music from an ipad
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sincerely, ZERO tolerance for anyone who has made transphobia part of their personality. it’s killing people.
fuck bill maher.
fuck ch-ppelle.
fuck the harry potter moron.
transphobes fuck off.
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Adam Sandler’s career is inspiring because he’s gonna win an Oscar for Uncut Gems and next year he’ll star in a movie called Slappy Farcedick like it never even happened
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porn, 1978: i'm here to deliver a pizza and fuck you
porn, 2018: you are my sister but specifically my step-sister which makes the sex i'm about to have with you ok but we must hide our sex from your father who just to be clear is my step-father and not biologically related
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Top 6 tattoos you have if you're a TOOL fan:
6. soundwave of a random stretch of music
5. flesh torn away to reveal robot insides
4. half lasered off wrench logo
3. hyper detailed eyeball on shoulder
2. HR Giger full back piece
1. barcode on the back of the neck
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bloomberg was mayor of NY when cbgb turned into a john varvatos store. all you need to know.
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aging punk dudes before discovering cryptocurrency vs aging punk dudes after making $30.16 in dogecoin
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ummm live music is back and bands are STILL making us wait around while they tune their instruments??? y'all had over a year to tune them! smdh
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some bad news -- i put all of trump's inauguration performers into a coachella poster and it sucks even worse now
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If Beto wants to be more like Fugazi he should go away for 16 years.
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"i actually want to go to haunted house more than i want to go to aqua." i have been walking around saying this for 2 months. it is literally never relevant to the situation. it is the least applicable quote possible yet i still work it into conversation at least 2x a day.
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