P.T. Barnum once said that there's a sucker born every minute; an unholy union of something both Oedipal and Sisyphean, forced to relive the moment of his birth again and again for all eternity...And now, for only ten cents, you too can see the amazing

getting a viral post but the replies are turning against me: im going septic...

The Ugly Duckling Mukbang Challenge

Fucking the guy in the cave from plato's cave and hes like damn this is way better than shadows on the wall

message on a dating app for birds: nice plumage! colorful. you lrn 2 fly out here? or r u migratory? important question! Lol. Jk. Its fine either way. mom pushed me off of a big tree branch when i was a baby nearby. So i know some good spots 2 get seeds. Maybe we could go 2gether

death from cold exposure can occur in under an hour while on a particularly nice day it is possible to live for a hundred years

Alright gang, let's split up and look for clues. Daphne, you and I will search the west wing of the house. Velma, you and Shaggy can search the east wing, with the dining hall. Scooby, we'll leave you in the hot car with the windows rolled up and the ac off

@Art_hropod @poisonjr Imagine a smell that's bad. That's our competitor. Ewww, right? Now imagine a good smell...Better, huh? That's us.

Which Dog With a Blog character are you

Caveman going to the club but its like a gun range where you hit targets with a big club

Im tellin ya she had legs up to her earlobes. If she kicked a soccer ball it would leave a crater where the goalie used to be

robot voice: calculating belly button depth

shark mistaking a canoe for a seal and getting smacked hard in the nose with an oar when they try to go in for a bite. school of prey fish swimming by awkwardly trying to pretend they didnt see

Burger she wrote

Elmer Fudd teaching his kid how to hunt and saying "now look the most important thing is not to imagine the rabbit as a voluptuous enigmatic woman. youll never be able to kill them if you do that"

Captain Ahab who doesnt know his colors or know the word 'whale': ive been trying to hunt this creature for a long while now. Its sort of my Huge Pale Thing

i vow to love you until the day i meet someone funnier smarter & more awesome than you

Oh my god, i did it all wrong. I should have spent my life the complete opposite way. I would never have died from being feeble of old age then

Gregor samsa's gfs friend: so you stopped fucking him at that point right...right?

Comedy is all about punching. It doesnt really matter what direction from what i understand

witch who made her house out of rotting meat and asparagus: oh my fucking god i am so hungry. Ive got to switch something up in 2026