Cricket Arrison
@cricketarrison
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Following
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performerdirectorwriter🍌 @Whamcitycomedy 🍌CHOMP premiere @fantasticfest 🍌Some Day All This Will Be Yours at FF & Sydney SXSW 🍌🦷🦷🦷🍌she/they🍊harhar
Los Angeles, CA
Joined January 2011
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Pinned Tweet
This meeting could have been an email? Well guess what… This email could have been a kiss
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I want a crystal that makes the vibes really bad and upsets everyone
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imagine if straight people also had to go to an annual parade with all of their ex's
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Do you think David Lynch is a hero or a villain in the ceiling fan community?
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sucks that in order to be an artist I have to make stuff
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AMAZING - These friends took a picture ever time they went to see venom… watch what happens when you put them together!
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😂 I’m famously bad at impressions but there is ONE I nail every time ... the lil man who says “wait” at crosswalks 😂
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KIssinG is just
4 healthy lips
2 hungrY tongues
64 patient teeth
All having a nice time for no reason
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Does anyone know the best way to get cum stains out of an aura?
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Hey if we're sacrificing 1% of the country I have an idea for which one!
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Just noticed Fan Fiction Showdown, The Cry of Mann, and The Call of Warr are off Adult Swim's site. Making experimental stupid website shows has been a big portion of my life and I regret none of it! V grateful to fans who archived a lot of it on youtube over the years :)
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I am living proof that it is possible to achieve really stupid dreams!!!!
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A good prank you can play on your friends is slowly growing apart as you age
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wrong
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Ask corporations to help you through breakups
@VitaCoco
Thank you VitaCoco. So far your support through this breakup and transition time in my life has been unflagging ... the only room for improvement would be if... a whole case... of your support... were to show up. I think my neighbor would respect me then.
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me watching the phrase "believe women" morph from a way to lift up extraordinarily brave and vulnerable people reporting sexual assault into a phrase establishment feminists use to shut down people questioning the claims of powerful politicians
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Understand this —
If *you* have Qtips at your house
*I* have Qtips at your house
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Once I had a crush on a girl at Girl Scout camp and I said to her “I wish there was a machine that would show your soul on the outside of your body” and she said
“There is! A t-shirt with a slogan!” and I still think about her every day.
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Nobody:
The Dick Vampire: I Vant To Suck Your... DICK
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I was 14 when this picture was taken and I have not seen Ben O'Brien since
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By the age of 30 you should have 500 open browser tabs
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Finally reading Dracula and love it but it's making me real jumpy!
Like oh a noise downstairs, must be Dracula.
Oh a man hovering outside my window, must be Dracula.
Oh I'm tired and have 2 small wounds on my throat, must be Dracula.
lol I'm such a scaredy cat!
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Recently learned there’s a popular video game where beloved childrens characters fight or - in youth slang - “smash” each other. Brother against brother. I try to stay positive but sometimes this world really does get me down tbh.
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Punish your friends by convincing them to make art with you.
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Hahaha I'm glad someone did this because I think about this line literally every day...
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We chase the wrong dreams.
I thought I wanted a career, fame... Instead my cat got a piece of paper stuck to her asshole and I realize nothing will ever, ever make me happier
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I cultivate *positivity* in every situation.
P oo jokes
O nly poo jokes
S hit jokes
I ntestines poo poo
T ime to poop
I nternal shit
V ital organs make poop
I nside you is poop always
T ee hee - caca
Y es I only talk poo
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this is exactly why he's the best batman. even on his morning coffee run you can tell that this man is hearing the echoey thuds of each of his mother's pearls hitting the pavement in that dark alley...
just when I needed him the most... new pics of Ben Affleck struggling with the unbearable weight of being alive while on a Dunkin run just dropped
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if you then you don’t
don’t love deserve
me at my me at my
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What if
instead of an addictive app for small doses of attention??
there was an app that gave us
unconditional love?.
And it has arms!!
REAL arms and some legs.
Its stomach is warm and soft.
It smells like maple sugar.
Mama. Mama! Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Now available on googl
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A year ago today
@VeraDrew22
asked if she could kiss me and the rest, as they say, is history… thanks for showing this old curmudgeon what a heart is for ❤️
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THREAD
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It takes 26 muscles to smile, but it takes 167 muscles to lovingly dissect your friend's body.
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retconning cry of mann to make courtney a bernie fan
#hotgirlsforbernie
#battlemachinesforbernie
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I suck* dick**
*want you to know this tweet is actually about appreciating the small things in life.
** Like a sunset or like when there’s a really big rock in the middle of the woods and you’re like how did that really big rock get all the way here.
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I was really annoyed at the shitty website my doctor’s office uses for medical records so I made this my patient photo
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Chicken soup is chicken soup for the soul but for the body.
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I hate it when strangers on the street call me a stupid bitch without even bothering to get to know me and learn exactly why they're right!
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get yourself a man who looks at you the way joaquin phoenix looks at a made in usa ball-peen hammer
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Explain to me how you can walk into any mall in America and build a BEAR but we can’t get universal health care
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Batman Begins (to understand intersectional feminism)
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Joker (2019) teaches that even ppl who wear a lot of makeup have rich inner lives and therefore is a feminist film
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My best friend and I were having hard times so we went to the JC Penny portrait studio on our vacation
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One month til TROOL Day! My favorite time of year 🍋👖
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VERY upset this morning. Just found out I will NOT grow up to be a little boy like I thought. Instead I just become an older woman!!! Bad.
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honestly i ALWAYS recommend being a really nice person, then you have an extra element of surprise when you do truly need to destroy someone's life
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OMG crying 😭
If u had told me, a humble 18th century American street urchin, that today I would not only meet my idol, Julie Andrews, but also would sing a duet with her I would have called you crazy but...
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every week in quarantine my hair goes back a decade of ellen
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me before therapy - shut the fuck up
me after therapy - I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety right now, so shut the fuck up
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Things I don't like whistling at me
-men on street
-chipper songs in Instagram ads
Things I do like whistling at me
-tea kettles
-the "s" sounds of toothless old timers telling me where I can find gold if I'm fool enough to try
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I became an artist to turn all my friend hangouts into meetings
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TWILIGHT TOOK THE VAMPIRE, AN INHERENTLY QUEER-CODED MONSTER, AND APPLIED ITS TROPES TO THE STRAIGHTEST POSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP, THUS ALLOWING HETEROSEXUAL READERS THE FANTASY OF QUEER DANGER WITHOUT THE ACTUAL THREAT OF HARM THAT QUEER BODIES FACE WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN LOCA
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@MartinOMalley
Better question - How did Baltimore fall for the scam of electing you mayor thinking you cared about the city, only to have you terrorize Black residents with police brutality as a springboard to the Governor's mansion?
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Acting lesson -
Hi :)
Hi :(
Hi...
Hi!
Hi?
The hollywood elite will probably kill me for teaching you these insider tricks but u should know that acting is never hard and if someone says it is they're lying.
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Ya know if I wrote the lyrics "Splish splash, I was taking a bath" I don't think I'd have the courage to put them out there. I guess I should believe in myself more.
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My short film Some Day All This Will Be Yours will be playing at the Champs-Élysées film festival in Paris!!! Shot in my childhood home, this film is deeply personal and deeply weird, and I’m so thrilled it has a home at this fest.
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I love everyone equally unless your freezer pulls out like a drawer and then I think you're bourgeoisie scum who should be dragged through the streets
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Here's one 💋naughty💋 trick that's 💓guaranteed💓 to drive your man wild this 🦃holiday🦃 season -
Hold him accountable for his actions
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YES girl, I’m into prog.
Prog rock
Rock of prog
Of progressive rock
Go prog rock!!
I’d like to explain this joke. 'Yes' is a famous prog rock band and prog is known for iterating on the same idea for a while. I'm using a meme format where you spell something out to make a joke.
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Godzilla sacrificed his only son Jesuszilla so you and I could rampage.
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It turns out what I had been looking for was inside of me the whole time - around 1.3 gallons of human blood.
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Never
Never ever
I mean NEVER
Never ever ever ever
Never ever ever
Never
Interrupt someone
During the cut scene of a video game
Keep learning keep smiling
Love y’all
Happy 2020
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We’re taught that Brain is the genius (“one is a genius”), and that Pinky is insane (“the other’s insane”).
I hold that the opposite is more likely.
Shakespeare’s Lear teaches that often it is not a king, but a humble fool, who speaks truth, and what’s truth but a form of geniu
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I love getting my period because it makes me feel in tune with the rhythms of the earth!
The earth, blind to justice, that buries villages in boiling lava.
The earth, where sleeping fauns are grasped by cruel talons and devoured.
Yes. Yes. It courses through me.
Earth.
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I can tell your gender just by looking...
...into your eyes while we have a long and respectful conversation about your gender identity!!!
👀🗣🍷💋
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There's a skeleton inside you that copies all your movements exactly.
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it's so fucking crazy there's only one letter difference between hamburger and hamburgler. i keep rechecking. but it's true
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this is the hottest and most romantic image i've ever seen
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I cried a bit when I posted this, but then I felt so happy- because how lucky to have been able to work with people I admire and love more than anyone in the world, and how even more lucky to be able change when we need to. Also I still see these goobers like every day so it’s ok
Hello friends! Wham City Comedy is going on indefinite hiatus.
We created this group 12 years ago and we are so grateful to everyone who came to any show, talked to us, or watched our videos. We still like each other a lot and are definitely NOT dead if anyone asks. ❤
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No vampire has all three -
1. Queer energy
2. Courtly manners
3. Intuitive understanding that it’s not that manufacturing jobs are inherently good, it’s that they were unionized and any other economic sector can offer the same benefits
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Thank you
@alanresnicks
Once I had a crush on a girl at Girl Scout camp and I said to her “I wish there was a machine that would show your soul on the outside of your body” and she said
“There is! A t-shirt with a slogan!” and I still think about her every day.
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🌈 so
@Outfest
just laid off many staff with no warning. insurance terminated with two days notice. Days after they announced they were unionizing. Once we finish beating the AMPTP can we go after the corporate non profits who hide greed behind rainbow flags???
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I had a truly incredible year. Most stuff was great, some stuff was shit, but I was here and myself for all of it and I feel proud of that!
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TRAILER FOR DIRT NIGHT EPISODE 1
Dirt night is my new episodic soap opera. I make it alone with sticks in my backyard. It’s inspired by being an only child who played alone with sticks a lot in my backyard.
New episodes monthly on
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All my friends are worried about having 5 more years to have kids and I’m worried about having 5 more years to play Peter Pan. Twitter do your thing.
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My new checks came in the mail and I cried because I was so happy.
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i'm tired of being ashamed of my own sexuality, hiding it away for fear of ridicule or fear of reinforcing a culture obsessed with sex in all the wrong ways - so I'm just gonna say it loud and proud - I want to fuck Maureen O'Hara's mom character from the original Parent Trap
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If real gay people announced their own gayness as often as gay characters on tv it’d be much easier to know who to hit on
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1999 teen movie - will this mousy girl find love?
2019 teen movie - one of these teens has a debilitating illness SO SAD it’s illegal to talk about so they can’t look at their BF or leave their room or they will literally die and their mom will go to jail. Will they find love?
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Proud to have my face on this important list
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Why did the British person take a picture of his wallet?
He heard the camera adds ten pounds.
Hi I'd like to apologize in advance for my next tweet
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