pastor of muppets
@clownpond
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
“It felt like nothing” is officially out! Available on Amazon platforms in all countries (paperback & hardcover) - it is a collection of poems and ruined 35mm photos: US version here
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this is Jonathan. he’s 188 years old today. everyone say happy birthday Jonathan
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today I learned that woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brain & it made me uncomfortable
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does anyone remember when I was outside and a raindrop landed on my phone and I tried to screenshot it
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when asked if Jonathan still fucks, the answer was yes, he still fucks. and that’s cool as hell
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dear men, what is preventing you from looking like this?
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if you've never heard a deaths head moth squeak before, now is your chance
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kissing is all fun and games until a boy inhales your skeleton through your mouth & uses it to build a house for some other girl
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every time I step outside I thank the control panel for another beautiful simulation
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I only speak when the rat in my brain pushes the button
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my in-laws left notes on literally everything in their house for us and I can't stop laughing
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this is called "crown shyness", a naturally occurring phenomenon. no one is really sure why it happens.
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my son’s teacher is drunk HOW do u make a schedule that looks like this ????????
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hey if your dog won’t let u clip their nails then get them this thing. it will humiliate them and also , so easy to clip the nails
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consider donating to the victims of the tornado that just passed through our city. every little bit counts. many people have lost EVERYTHING
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Sex is an intimate and sacred act. Your body is a temple and you shouldn't share it with anyone who doesn't like to fuck temples.
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@HammerFist3
I keep thinking about being somewhere (grocery store or somethin) and taking my shoes off to unlock my iPhone
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please hug me please crush my bones please bury me alive
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once I get my gut flora thriving again it’s over for u bitches
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i believe this was the first mirror selfie i took after leaving my husband
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is there a specific color of an object that brings you happiness? for me it is the color of Baja blast.
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listen if we never stir the pot then nothing gets cooked properly
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seriously what the hell. bowerbirds are not of this world.
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