Carrie Wittmer 👻
@carriesnotscary
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wife of Grimace 💀 senior features editor @lofficielusa
Brooklyn, NY
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
“you guys are gonna love this” -me convincing my family to watch The Bear season 2 episode 6 on Christmas Eve
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LOW RISE JEANS ARE NOT COMING BACK IF WE DO NOT LET THEM. PLEASE JOIN THE HIGH WAIST ALLIANCE WITH ME EVEN IF YOU ARE A MAN AND DONT KNOW WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN. Thank u
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happy one year anniversary to "actually, no, that's not the truth, Ellen" Nov. 27, 2019 a national holiday in my humble opinion
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annual reminder that no one will ever will look better than Lucy Liu at the 2000 Oscars
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i love that Joker, a film in which a man with dark hair dyes his hair green without lightening it but it works anyway, is nominated for a best hair and makeup Oscar instead of Little Women i mean i just love it
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happy birthday to the protectors of our universe
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i think we are only months away from the return of sky tops
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when Stevie Nicks said “you’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you” she meant that Lindsey Buckingham would hear her voice every time he went to CVS .......... witch
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i will never forget going to the cinema to see Remember Me thinking it was going to be a normal ass romantic movie starring Robert Pattinson
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grammys are like if green book won best picture every year
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the second anniversary of "actually, no, that's not the truth, Ellen" (Nov. 27, 2019) happened over the weekend and i forgot to commemorate it. sincerest apologies to anyone i've let down
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i cannot fucking believe that Kevin Bacon is providing content like this for free
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is that Stepmom, Pride & Prejudice, The Hunger Games, and Nocturnal Animals star Jena Malone participating in a citizen’s arrest
Dude got his ass whooped for abusing a dog that allegedly disrespected him.
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congratulations to the best actor in The Social Network !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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jason sudekis when "sign of the times" starts playing at cvs
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hope he stages a coup one day
Prince Louis, 5, can’t stop yawning at King Charles III’s coronation
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bill hader i am RESPECTFULLY looking forward to your response
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Kathryn Hahn using Kristen Bell’s face to demonstrate how to pleasure an uncut dick
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bill nighy reading joan didion alone at lunch the only man i respect
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Tom Wambsgans is a strong argument for making a straight man a Real Housewife
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"somehow palpatine has returned" -two years ago today
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happy birthday Oscar Isaac March 9, 1979 42 great years all my life i was like "how do i eat cheetos without getting the dust all over my fingers" and he taught me how
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white women processing their trauma in unhealthy ways is my favorite genre
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Laura Dern taking off her jacket in Marriage Story:
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genuinely wish i had the brain chemistry of a person who logs onto the internet to ask club chalamet if she has ever read The Iliad
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no one:
me, having just watched Little Women 1994 with audio commentary: DID U KNOW THAT GABRIEL BYRNE WAS THE ONLY MAN WHO AUDITIONED FOR THE FILM WHO HAD READ THE BOOK
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Ryan Gosling going OFF about the Haunted Mansion for 42 seconds
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u really want to know what i’m thinking? will smith picked the wrong year, wrong host, wrong awards show …….
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holy shit we can all go print out our resumes at Timothee Chalamet’s place
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people who don’t watch Bravo need to understand how embarrassing it is that Trishelle is sitting so far from Andy Cohen lol
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i want what the reformation copywriter has (i want their job)
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can’t believe captain sandy made her put out the slide
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absolutely disgusting, rude, unforgivable that Robert Redford convinced me that all male journalists were gonna be really hot
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Ezra Miller allowed to terrorize the globe but i’m not allowed to bring a bag to a Lady Gaga concert
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i hope this tweet humiliates anyone who made fun of women with side parts
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really interesting that this discourse about Phoebe Bridgers is happening the same weekend that a documentary about how shitty America was to a female musician came out lmao i fucking hate it here
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Love Craig, miss Craig, love this reminder that 25 year olds are babies
Never forget when Craig Ferguson refused to make fun of Britney Spears.
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me collecting all of the packages i get every day that i don’t remember ordering
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the bene gesserit talking shit about lady jessica
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i gave Drogon glasses so he can see the boats tonight
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speaking from experience explaining it to a 34 year old straight man is the same
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not a body language expert but JC Chasez is calling the shots now
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it feels so good to have confirmation that Kylie Jenner has perceived Paul Giamatti
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i miss screaming “Kenneth Branagh directed the first Thor film” at parties and people replying “who is that”
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i simply
LOVE
that this motion picture is not being recognized for its hair
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the malign influence of nathan fielder
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sam elliott thought the power of the dog was the channing tatum movie
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Ben Affleck is the only person in America who gets more packages than me
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in the late 90s, the sexiest thing u could be was the owner of a bookstore
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Dakota Johnson helped expose Ellen for the fraud that she is and that is why on this anniversary of one of the most important moments in pop culture history, I am going to purchase the green Dakota Johnson vibrator
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bill hader egot bill hader pulitzer bill hader nobel peace prize
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The O.C. is responsible for the most significant movements in the culture: superhero movies becoming cool, the real housewives, my taste in music
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holy shit Martha Stewart posted another thirst trap
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parks and recreation, an optimistic take on government lmao that was so crazy in retrospect
what, for you, is the piece of media that is most emblematic of 'the before times'? for me it is master of none
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this movie is so insane they were like …. so Belle and the Beast killed A cunty pipe organ at Christmas and it helped them fall in love, sorry we left this particular event out of the original film
"You better not be a cunty pipe organ from a direct to video Disney sequel about Christmas when I get there"
Me:
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my next career move? try to become a nun, get bullied, become an au pair, marry the dad
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congrats i respect them but also why are they dressed like they’re at javits center on nov 8, 2016
Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach got married yesterday and celebrated afterwards at Billy Joel concert
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to me Better Call Saul is a show about how Bob Odenkirk gets hotter every year
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“Yellowjackets is not scary or violent” -me lying to get people to watch it
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pov you’re Leonardo DiCaprio and you’re meeting your new gf’s mom for the first time
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(•_•)
<) )╯why’d
/ \
\(•_•)
( (> ye
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> spill
/ \
\(•_•)
( (> yer
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> beans
/ \
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