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Captain Breadbeard Profile
Captain Breadbeard

@captbreadbeard

Followers
174
Following
316
Media
326
Statuses
509

Kent based comedian and lover of bread.

Joined March 2018
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
22 days
We've got a super line-up for Tuesday's show. Check it out! 📅 Tues 4 Nov - 7:30pm 📍 Cosy Club, Canterbury 🎟 £10 - https://t.co/5bljqxhVrT #canterbury #kent #whatsoncanterbury #whatsonkent #standupcomedy #musicalcomedy #supportlivecomedy #livecomedy #standup #comedyclub
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 month
It has emerged that a group of Italian smugglers are responsible for the UK budgie deficit this year. Rachel Reeves is hopeful for a speedo recovery, but so far it’s just fallen shorts.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
4 months
I’ve recently opened my own french boulangerie. It’s called “Welcome to the house of pain”
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
4 months
May also contain gluten 😉 If you find yourself in Folkestone next week, come join for a free fun evening.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
4 months
The problem with Dutch planes is, they never land.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
4 months
Come join us for Captain Breadbeard's Alternative Comedy Night, Tuesday 5th August @The_CosyClub Canterbury! Tickets here: i https://www.jokepit.com/e/40322 @PromoteComedy #canterbury #whatsoncanterbury #whatsonkent #livecomedy #alternativecomedy #standupcomedy
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
4 months
My wife and I bought our dads a hot air balloon experience, then watched as they flew father and father away.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
Pronouns are hard to bear. Most of them can’t even speak.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
Once kitten, twice fly, three times a lady. Reincarnation roulette.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
I saw a pelican and a puffing crossing the road, and I thought, toucan play at that game.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
You get to choose who you vote for today. All I’m gonna say is, there definitely something fishy about that Sushi Sunak fella…. #Elections2024
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
Spaghetti hoops are just the Os from Alphabetti Spaghetti.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
I’ve been planting bulbs this week. Made light work of it. Smashing results.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
5k to couch. Everyday, just run a little bit less. If you complete it, then next is one called couch to potato.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
BBQ pork. Ribs for your pleasure.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
There’s something fishy about that Sushi Sunak guy. Salmon had to say it.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
My friends and I have a long running joke. Mo Farah, Paula Radcliffe and Eliud Kipchoge walk into a bar.
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@captbreadbeard
Captain Breadbeard
1 year
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