Imagine being raised by this woman! (It was fabulous.)
PLEASE READ: My mom accidentally turned on my cousin's phone's front-facing camera and mistook herself for "a celebrity's drunk mugshot"
2
13
472
3
17
2K
Replies
Got the worst news I’ve ever gotten last week. My mom and I made each other cry laughing all the time. I hate to think about all the deals she’s going to miss out on. I hope she guides me to the best sales forever.
1K
1K
36K
The thing that has most cheered me up this week is revisiting my mom’s greatest hits on Twitter. I’m so glad I kept tweeting about her even after she told me to stop.
Omg Mom just said I have to wash my face in the dark bc she has a poinsettia in the bathroom and it requires "total darkness 14 hours a day"
7
17
1K
14
52
4K
This woman!
Mom says if the poinsettia does not turn pink she will "know whose fault it was" 😭😭😭😭😭
2
2
341
3
8
3K
I’m screaming. What a menace!
"Hey. I hope you didn't have that light on all night where the poinsettia is." - Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm in a quiet aside to me just now
4
0
206
4
4
2K
There are so many tweets like this
Mom has announced her plan to go to farmers market first thing tomorrow morning to confront "Amish thieves" who sold us a wingless turkey
6
17
491
5
11
2K
She also wanted me to sell gently used ties from Pennsylvania Goodwill stores on Wall Street! (I already had a full-time job!!!)
My mom wants me to make chocolate eggs and sell them on Wall Street.
3
5
171
2
4
1K
I’m not going to repost all the tweets but you get the idea
Mom says she was gonna give me the "Outstanding Daughter Award" but then she read our relatives' Xmas letters and found stronger candidates
2
10
327
14
9
2K
Mom pretending to go to church in Central PA to steal the church’s recipe for chocolate eggs so I could remake the chocolate eggs myself and sell them on Wall Street…is that Christlike behavior???
She's currently going undercover at a church we do not attend (where volunteers make the eggs) so she can learn how to make the eggs herself
4
2
203
9
10
1K
She was a podiatrist.
"It is legal to yell 'FUCK YOU!' at a cop!!!" - Mom, SCREAMING in a restaurant. (I said "Mom, why are you yelling? There are no cops here.")
1
6
166
6
19
1K
😂 I didn’t!
Mom responding to radio report of accident on the turnpike: "Geez, I hope no one was killed. You probably hope someone was. For the drama."
1
6
145
2
2
1K
Why did she…why did she do this? 😂
YOOOOOO MOM CAME THRU WITH THE HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE EASTER EGGS AND SAVED MONEY ON PACKAGING AS USUAL 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
6
1
247
8
4
1K
Incredible thought to have at 5:47 p.m. on Christmas Eve. Love her!!!!
15
26
2K
Oh this was a classic!
MY MOM WROTE IN ALL OUR CHRISTMAS CARDS THAT I "CAUSED A BIG FALLING OUT" BETWEEN KIM KARDASHIAN AND TAYLOR SWIFT 🎄😭🎄
6
29
661
7
8
1K
She did this so many times. One time I had to wait for her to finish VACUUMING!!! When SHE called ME!
[Incoming call from MOM CELL]
Me: (answering phone) “Hi Mom!”
Mom: (in the tone of someone who has just been interrupted) “Hold on—I’m eating peanuts.”
7
19
773
9
15
2K
I followed up with my mom about the subject of this tweet and she replied to me via email nearly two months later
As we finished our appetizer course, Mom announced to the table "Well, I now have two pet skunks." Finally, something for me to inherit.
1
4
155
12
7
948
I asked my friends to send me recollections of stories about my mom on Instagram. There were so many hilarious ones I had forgotten about but this one is my favorite. I do remember her doing this, but not where she was stealing the dirt from. Nor why! But I’m sure it made sense.
2
1
421
