bobby wasabi
@bobbyteriyaki
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195,924
Following
1,119
Media
3,635
Statuses
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Madrid
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#SalvemOCavaloDeCanoas
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Knicks
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Shaq
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#AEWDynamite
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Cavani
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アイスクリームの日
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MAURO AL 9009
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ドカ食いダイスキ
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宇野昌磨
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現役引退
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Panthers
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Josh Hart
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Calleri
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Bruins
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#BBCAN12
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Toluca
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Pinned Tweet
“what if YOU were aborted?” bro does it look like I wanna be here rn
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does christmas not feel like christmas because:
a) depression
b) pandemic
c) you’re no longer a child
d) all of the above
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this pandemic has melted my brain every human interaction feels like talking to my crush in 8th grade
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cops be like “in order to stop this peaceful police brutality protest we will use police brutality”
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it’s crazy how because of corona we can see how almost everything we do is a totally made up social construct that can be instantly stopped if we wanted to lol
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I understand why prehistoric mfs thought they needed to sacrifice people to the sun
During a solar eclipse, the gaps between leaves on trees act as multiple pinhole cameras,
and each gap projects its own crescent-shaped image of the eclipsed sun onto the ground.
📹gottigreen
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they got a FREAK on that graphic design team
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women see a 140lb white boy with a jawline and a nicotine addiction and are like “he’s the one”
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does america know our “radical left” is everywhere else’s “reasonable middle”
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CDC, 2020: wash your groceries
CDC, 2022: you can cough in someone’s mouth if your boss says it’s okay
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jojo siwa is 17 being forced to act like an 11 yr old for the past 5 yrs when that contract is up she gonna start posting her and her boyfriend doing coke on her ig stories
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one time in college I was on a date and the girl got a phone call and started crying saying her roommate was attempting s****de right now so I drove her home fast and 27 minutes later I saw her on my friend’s snapchat story at a house party with her roommate
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imagine ur card gets declined at the tattoo shop and they come out with a vegetable peeler
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corona got the club empty asf me and the DJ just chillin listening to frank ocean with the strobe lights goin rn
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this man’s piss could stop corona
Shopping went well, all stocked up
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y’all are psychotic please stop having kids
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eminem: if she ever tries to fucking leave again imma tie to the bed and set this house on fire
white guys: this is my jam
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“girls are so soft” bro she just uses lotion, please buy some, I can see you disintegrating
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white guys be like “I have a dark sense of humor, I like offensive jokes” and then just start being racist
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american culture is telling a 17 year old to pick something they like to do and bet $100,000 and 4 years that they’ll like doing it for the rest of their entire life
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one time I invited this girl over and we got high and I sat down and explained the entire plot line of Skyrim to her for 45 minutes and she still had sex with me it was unbelievable
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girls who wear a lot of hand jewelry be cool asf like u know what Thanos I kinda like u
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does nobody think it’s weird to go on a first date and be like “hey btw I’m gonna tik tok this whole thing so get ready for a camera in your face during your cutest moments”
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no boomer shit but having unsupervised access to the internet since age 11 has done irreversible damage to my brain
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stop retweeting videos of police hugging protesters, it’s propaganda. they are kneeling with you and authorizing tear gas moments later, they do not care about the people, they care about good pictures for the media
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wake up still drunk✅
17 unread texts✅
girlfriend won’t talk to me✅
friends pissed at me✅
knocked over 3 drinks last night✅
left my card at the bar✅
half eaten pizza in my bed✅
phone on 3%✅
smell like tequila✅
work in 30 minutes✅
I’m off to a good start in the new year!
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adele gotta give 80% of her money to her husband she was with for 3 years? girl get carole baskin on the phone rn
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“DaVinky?” has had a significant and irreversible effect on my brain
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trump didn’t say white supremacy is bad because he didn’t wanna lose the white supremacist vote
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women will hate their ex because he was abusive and guys will hate their ex because she asked him to communicate
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i was dating this girl and she said “ew I’m not sharing a straw with u”
ma’am I have been inside you
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RICH RICH! 🤑🤑
Jeff Bezos has the ability to end world hunger for the foreseeable future and chooses not to every day
RICH RICH! 🤑🤑
Jeff Bezos becomes the world’s first person worth $200 billion:
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-full moon
-trump got covid
-new 21 savage album
-october 1st
maybe these astrology girls are onto something 🧐
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sorry I didn’t text back babe I was consuming 7 forms of media
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that wasn’t “dark humor” bro u just committed a hate crime
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I wish twitter never learned the phrase ‘emotionally unavailable’
my emotionally unavailable ass going out to flirt simply bc im bored
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Women on twitter: I would eat a live rattlesnake while being waterboarded before I talk to a man
women on imessage: did you eat today baby
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pete davidson’s next comedy special is gonna be so crazy lmao
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realistically what’s the point of going to bed before 6am now
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if you simply stopped eating and lived in a cardboard box, you would save $57 a day. that’s $215,000 a year. there’s no excuse for being broke. poor is a mindset.
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twitter: you don’t owe ANYONE an explanation. ghost him. it’s called SELF CARE
twitter the next day: ghosting is literally physical abuse. DO NOT under any circumstances ghost ANYONE because they will likely decide to take their own life and you will be held solely responsible.
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billionaires ripping their hair out as 22 year olds on reddit realize they can download a free app and disintegrate traditional market theory in like 3 days
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one time after I quit vegetarianism after like 10 years I really missed the taste of bacon so after work I picked up a 2lb pack of fully salted bacon and cooked and ate the entire thing within 15 minutes and had to go to the hospital
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if I find out my girl has a “work husband” she’s getting a “home divorce”
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how do I get one of those jobs where you get paid $100,000 to attend zoom meetings on a laptop for 3 working hours per week
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most mentally unstable person you’ve ever met: I’m going to do a powerful hallucinogenic drug this weekend
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girl that’s not a random headache u are dehydrated malnourished over caffeinated over stressed and sleep deprived
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your science teacher was handing back your tests face down but you wanna do your own research on the vaccine 🤨
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dude has 33 r*pe allegations and y’all are like “nah they’re just haters”
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all girls do is watch tiktok and have stomach aches
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people are so careful about liking posts, I will like 4,000 tweets per day idgaf
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landlords not accepting “global government mandated shutdown” as a reason why people can’t afford to pay rent is actually clinically psychotic
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shakira is a queen, in 2020 alone she has:
-committed tax fraud
-done whatever this is
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“let’s not get political” bitch I will ruin this family gathering rn
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deleting drunk
snapchat stories
from last night life
that already
have 300 views
🤝
means absolutely nothing
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girls don’t want a bad boy anymore girls want a socialist
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y’all went from “the AT&T lady is pretty” to sexual harassment in a matter of hours wow
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girls always be masturbating so elegantly, they lay on their back, hips rotating, some rose petals scattered across the bed, guys be hunched over, toes curling, grunting and breathing like we just finished a marathon with no water, it’s barbaric
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“astrology is so stupid I could never be with a girl who believes in that shit 🙄”
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whoever turned ADHD into a quirky personality trait will answer to god
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LA has stopped transporting heart attack and stroke victims to hospitals because there are no beds due to covid overload, and people were having parties last night lol
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white parents choosing a middle name for their daughter
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no white man has all 3:
-an understanding of wealth inequality
-doesn’t say the n-word
-a dad who isn’t a republican
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people have been voting for “the lesser of two evils” for the past two decades now, when do we get someone who isn’t evil?
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women are so strong, when I cheated on my girlfriend 11 times, we were able to work thru it and stay together, but when I found out she got lunch with her male coworker once, I wasn’t strong enough to stay in that relationship knowing she betrayed my trust like that
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girl next to me at the bar got a “I love you” text from an unsaved number LMAO
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I remember I went to the ER for my first panic attack and after they ran tests and figured it was just anxiety they sent me home with a $4,000 bill, I never paid it, never got a call about it, no impact on my credit, nothing. we gotta start calling these hospitals bluff
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this man really said “are u sure you have depression? have u tried fruit?”
Before you self-diagnose yourself with “mental health issues”, ask yourself are you:
- Sleeping 8 hours a night
- Working out 3-5x per week
- Eating a diet rich in fruit and veg
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people
- Socialising 2-3x per week
- Drinking lots of water
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