Bro last night was an Untitled Document

Drinkmaxxing tonight??

Hot guy at the gym sneezed so I’m using “bless you” as a pickup line

Sometimes you can't tweet because The Person will see

Guy from high school who said he loved me after 3 hangs just followed me on Instagram. It’s been 11 years. Love is patient, I guess

journalist gf 🤝 podcaster bf

Ending my dissertation with the closing argument “so there you go”

Love when I cross someone’s mind and they act on it

Imagine canceling on me when I look like this

Working on shit with a significant other is a full time job

source? wikihow bro

Tits or ass? Bro her past work experience

when little miss "i can do it myself" meets mr "sit down."

I love a man you don't have to use your brain with. You can just relax cause he plans, he leads, he figures it out, & he has everything handled so you can just be pretty and exist

oh you’re mentally unstable? name 4 colors you’ve dyed your hair

Why is it “o’clock”? Why are hours Irish?

Turning up the car seat warmer so high I can feel the grill marks forming on my ass

My soulmate probably a Jehovah Witness and I never opened the door

Talking to a man is a magical process that turns peace & happiness into anger & annoyance

It ended with him offering up his old post-shower pics if I went back through our chat. Bold of him to assume I didn't delete that thread immediately 😭

Then he hits me with this. Sir I’m not that narcissistic but thanks for the compliment?