Brian Heater
@bheater
Followers
13,818
Following
95
Media
9,124
Statuses
57,428
I'm a legitimate person.
Aysteria, NY
Joined August 2008
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It me.
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What if the President is right and Antifa is breeding 75-year-old super soldiers who fall over on command?
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A picture of Carl Reiner with daughter Annie and recent birthday boy, Mel Brooks all in Black Lives Matter shirts. Fourteen hours ago, he tweeted a multi-part appreciation of Noel Coward. Reiner turned 98 in March. That's a lot of time spent being a good human.
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Since Yoko Ono is trending, it's a good opportunity to remind you that she's a fascinating musician and lifelong badass, and your jokes are old and tired.
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The term "Gilded age" was coined by Mark Twain to describe an era of corrupt politics, monopolies and out of control industrialization. It's a reference to applying a thin layer of gold to a cheaper material. But yeah, sure, have a costume party with Jared Leto.
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"In Wakanda, everyone had guns." - Killer Mike, bumming me out right now.
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What Simpsons quote do you think about most often? Mine is probably "Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land. The amusement park of the future, where nothing can possi-blie go wrong. Possibly go wrong. Huh. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong."
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"I can't believe I lost," Besty DeVos, before an aide explained that 51 > 50.
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This is Donkey Kong's country, and we're all just living in it.
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I've long been of the opinion that comedy has a far shorter shelf life than other forms of entertainment. But The Jerk has been one of very few films that stands up as more than just a time capsule of the era in which it was made. It remains one of the funniest films to this day.
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@realDonaldTrump
It's early Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend. Act like a President for two seconds of your shitty life.
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My interview with
@CHAPOTRAPHOUSE
is in the new issue of
@Playboy
and if I'm being honest, I'm a little bummed I didn't get to hang for the photoshoot.
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FYI, the people pictured in the CNN "Are Jews People" segment aren't members of the alt-right. They're victims of unfortunate screencapping.
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Al Jaffee turns 102 today. 102. I'm honored to have interviewed him several times over the years. He's a true genius of the form, a deeply thoughtful person and a huge cornerstone of my youth. Happy birthday to one of the best to do it.
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Steph and LeBron have both slammed Trump. His only hope is that the Washington Generals go all the way this year.
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Legit surprised that "Money can be exchanged for goods and services" has not come up yet.
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Some days I feel I have my animalistic urges under control and then boom, This American Life goes and acknowledges the existence of sex.
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What To Expect From CES 2019
-A cold
-Lots of traffic
-Poor internet connectivity
-Long lines for terrible food
-A disheveled Gallagher roaming the halls
-I don't know, some tech, I guess
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I hope the media will refrain from painting a one-sided picture of Giuliani. Please remember that he's also super racist.
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My Soundcloud:
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I'm calling on Nathan Fielder to reunite Desus and Mero and get Joe Pera 17 more seasons on the network of his choosing.
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There was ton to unpack from from my conversation with Boston Dynamics yesterday, but here are the big takeaways as the company works to commercialize its robots for the first time in its 25 year history.
#tcrobotics
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@MaraWilson
Sure, sex is cool, but have you ever endlessly run a joke meme into the ground?
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We've lost Aline Kominsky-Crumb, Diane Noomin and Justin Green in the past six months. Many of the giants of the underground comix scene are now in their 70s/80s. Come now, let's celebrate some of the ones who are still with us.
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This is a pretty remarkable glimpse into what Trump looks like when (he believes) the cameras have stopped rolling, right down to the way he picks up the sound bite like a good reality star.
Just over 20 seconds into this clip Trump gruffly asks Mick Mulvaney to leave the room because he coughed. No, seriously. Watch it for yourself.
Well adjusted people with a shred of empathy simply don’t behave this way.
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Last year's top four corporate contributors to
@Wikimedia
:
Google (more than $1 million)
Humble Bundle ($456,000)
Craigslist Foundation ($250,000)
Cards Against Humanity ($35,000)
Corporations only make up around 4% of the company's donations.
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@MrEmilyHeller
@MaraWilson
Given how they reacted to a traffic jam, I'd question their coping skills.
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Every child is going to have want their own version of the new Star Wars droid, Hamster Wheel-Hair Dryer
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This blew up. I guess I should promote her SoundCloud.
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Me, stepping into a suspended animation tank in late March: Let's set it to, I don't know, December to be safe.
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Just a man in a wheelchair walking with the aid of a robot exoskeleton
@TechCrunch
Robotics.
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Have we discussed what happens if Biden accidentally concedes during his press conference tonight?
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Day two with the Galaxy Fold. This continues to be most frequent pain point.
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We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.
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@SimoneGiertz
Even more impressive they were able to leave your house and travel undetected.
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I'm sure all of the musicians Spotify has underpaid over the years will be excited to learn that their CEO just invested €100 million in a military AI company.
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To be clear, this is what that dude is upset about no longer being on a Disney ride.
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@daveshumka
It's a trumpet audition, but that dumb asshole accidentally brought his case of fire.
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Standing room only on the sidewalk outside the Met for David Berman.
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Thank you for taking a break from running Twitter to let my rabbit shed on you.
#notaeuphemism
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Sitting in Astoria, reading Blood Meridian, when a woman in a DSA shirt asks me to sign a petition for the UPS union. I sign it and then we talk about The Sopranos. Love doing leftist praxis.
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Several people has asked this question, and the answers are mostly bad. So, a thread about pitching.
My Qualification: I have been a TechCrunch editor for seven years.
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The speed with which NFTs went from "democratizing the arts" to "rich people scam" is a perfect crash course on the status of art and artists under capitalism.
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Trump is out here talking about Bin Laden like he was Chumbawamba.
In the run-up to the 20th anniversary of 9/11, Donald Trump is doing interviews with conservative media - in this case, Hugh Hewitt - suggesting Osama Bin Laden wasn't that big of a deal and wasn't a "monster."
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Popular lines:
-We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas!
-Bake ‘em away toys
-Everything's coming up Milhouse
-Stupid sexy Flanders
-The Goggles Do Nothing!
-Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-To Alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems.
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When someone steals one of my tweets,
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In which I wonder aloud how Marie Kondo would dispose of bodies.
Original Content podcast: Fyre Festival docs shine light on a social media-fueled disaster by
@anthonyha
and
@jordanrcrook
and
@bheater
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Don't make fun of Trump for drinking water during a press conference. Make fun of the fact that he needed two hands to drink out of one of those small Fiji bottles.
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@realDonaldTrump
@Morning_Joe
You're very good at recapping TV shows. If I could get you a gig at Vulture, would you give this whole presidenting thing a rest?
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You can't keep a good robot down. A day after retiring the hydraulic Atlas, Boston Dynamics' humanoid is back in electric form.
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“When I was a teenager, I would have died for something like Night Vale.” -
@CecilBaldwinIII
on RiYL this week.
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The Eagles and Steely Dan had a fun lyric feud going, but at the end of the day, both bands were vocal supporters of Steely Dan.
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I'm not saying everyone who listens to podcasts at 2x speed is a serial killer, just that all serial killers listen to podcasts at 2x speed.
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Getting my finances in order, trying to determine how long into my 100s I'm going to have to keep working.
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This week, musician and actor
@JoshRadnor
joins the show for a wide-ranging and personal conversation about the creative process.
#riylcast
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@realDonaldTrump
The Chinese didn't create the concept of global warming. But credit where credit's due -- they do make a lot, like Trump suits and ties.
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Everyone wants a new Outkast album, but none of us have the heart to deprive them of their owl collecting, flute playing lives of leisure.
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To mark the release of his new book,
@tfadell
gave us a peek at what's been taking up space in his garage all these years -- including this wild iPod/iPhone hybrid concept device.
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It both pains and relieves me to say that
@TechCrunch
has decided to opt-out of the in-person element of CES this year. There are simply too many unknowns around omicron at the moment, but our team will continue covering the show remotely.
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I spoke to
@BostonDynamics
' CEO and VP of Biz Dev about their first major acquisition. It's a big step toward commercializing their groundbreaking robots.
@Techmeme
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A lot of people have asked my about my podcast setup over the years, so I put together a couple thousand word answer for
@TechCrunch
. This is my hardware and software workflow.
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