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Someone should make a mashup of every cheer team music that uses “so-and-so team, one of a kind! National champions, one more time!” It would be 37 minutes long. #nca #cheer #varsitycheer

My children have set up a game of in-person among us with slips of paper and assigned tasks. My husband just said “who wants to prove they aren’t the imposter?” and handed them the trash to take out. A+ parenting, would recommend.

My car seems to think @MBMBaM is somehow responsible for ATW(TV)10mv.

“Surgeon General says IRL is 🔥🔥🔥” - actual quote from the @waitwait live show I just left. I will not elaborate except to say that the Surgeon General was really there.

He traveling for the navy, because they scheduled a last minute trip, and is technically on leave as of this afternoon. But it doesn’t matter, everyone keeps saying they have 24 hours to get him here. So do I buy him a ticket on Delta and eat the cost?

Tomorrow Evan and I are supposed to take Linc to fulfill his dream of meeting a penguin, except @united cancelled Evan’s standby flight, cancelled his seat on his actual flight & won’t rebook him on any of the other airlines to get him home today. Military travel isn’t helping.

Dear @onepeloton, this is my formal request for a holiday ride that’s just All I Want For Christmas is You over and over. 30 minutes minimum. Thank youuuuu.

Hey

Me to my husband: You’re a Jen Sherman and I’m a Cody Rigsby. My husband: DIVORCE! #nichepelotoncontent

So is the moral of The White Lotus “being really rich is awesome”? Because it sort of feels like it.

Considering it’s 2021 and I can order a meal from my watch, there is a shocking amount of in-person paperwork involved. I guess a universal digital health record is right below teleportation on the list of things to invent.

I know moving is just a part of military life but the fact that I managed to avoid it for 16 YEARS doesn’t make this move any easier. Trying to register literally everything - kids for school, dogs for vet care, vehicles, my own medical stuff - is exhausting.

I carried my leftover risotto home in my bag last night and now my mask smells like risotto. Everything smells like risotto. I already ate the risotto for breakfast. I am distraught there is no more risotto.

My daughter is swimming with some friends and one child suggested playing mermaids. My kid said “how about we play sirens instead? Sirens are cooler, we can lure men to their death!”

Oh no the child who was the flower girl at my wedding is so mad I called her an antivaxxer she’s stalking me across social media. She doesn’t understand why I won’t engage with someone who thinks “I saw it on Instagram” is research.

I’m in a fighting mood. Watch out second cousins posting anti-vax nonsense and local FB groups complaining about traffic circles!

The Disney radio station my kid’s dentist has on is playing “Show Yourself” so if you’ve ever wanted to see a grown woman cry in public now is your chance!

The navy is moving us to NoVa, where I grew up, so I’ve been looking at houses. So far I’ve seen two on the street I grew up, the one next to an ex-boyfriend and one I went to a party at when I was 16.