it's increasingly difficult to ignore that I'm schizotypal. thanks mom

why would the captain be the person who doesn’t know the pediatrician’s name?

idk if ill keep this up or not

I don't follow the "respect is earned" philosophy. I respect everyone automatically and then each person has the opportunity to lose my respect based on their behavior.

people are getting way too comfortable with dismissing their friends, like there is no way you canceled plans with your friends to take a nap, that's not putting yourself first that's just not caring

Slavery was legal. People who freed slaves were criminals. Segregation was legal. People who stood up for equality were criminals. I heard this story once about a teacher who took a fish out of its bowl and left a classroom of children as it flopped around.. telling them that

I need a drink, anyone want one?

i think anyone who started hrt after 13 should be paid reparations

So there are 2 different etymologies that i'm hearing for calling passing trans women fish. It actually being "fish", as in vagina smell, or coming from "catfish". This is either sexual harassment by objectifying, or a backhanded compliment that EXPLICITLY denies true femininity.

I'm so glad this train is so empty and I can be alone right now even here. imagine you're just trying to travel and this freakish fat tra**y-thing just starts crying. would annoy everyone. I'm glad I'm alone here because the train is so empty. I'm lucky

I'm not posting this for anyone to see. obviously that's silly. but you know, what's the difference between this or just overthinking on my own? I guess it's better structured now, just the possibility of being read motivating that. it's whatever

I don't want to cry anymore. I couldn't cry for years no matter how bad it got, I thought it would feel like a release. but it just feels like a reminder that no one cares, no one will ever listen, and I'm all alone. and I can't stand up for myself alone against everyone

I think it'll be alright. I moved to a new place recently and told myself it could get better. now I'm reminded it won't, I'll be content again with any misery. probably will deactivate permanently soon. it's bad to have some human interaction when I need to learn to give it up

I'm stuck, I guess. maybe for the rest of whatever this thing I'm supposed to call my life is. don't really feel like I'm living in much of it

there's no possible hope for the future anymore. the present is unbearable, and the past is scary too even remember. I'm too exhausted to actively give up, I'm too emotionally drained to cry anymore. I'm too uncomfortable to think about anything but this. and so alone always

I suck at manifesting and I didn't even get there yet

I wouldn't cry while on a 14 hour train ride, would I? just so alone

it's truly a blessing that I'm worthless and don't matter. all my horrible trauma can be fixed by isolating myself, since then no one who actually matters will be inconvenienced by them

but, as it goes with my life, they didn't really care if was just annoying. just got chastised eventually for my panic attacks too. now I'm back all alone all day every day so no one can see how violently I wake up, or how jumpy I am at any noise. so, it no longer matters.

I was alone all day every day for so long the first time I lived with other people for half a year, again my ex and her family because she fucked up the finances and plan to rent whatever ugh nvm, they, and also me, were surprised how a single sudden movement makes me jump