Me:

But dez didn’t catch it?

This song reminds me of you (derogatory)

Mike McCarthy is getting coal in his stocking for some of these play calls

Manifesting works? #survivor

I spoke too soon apparently there’s another one #LoveisBlind4

The four horsemen of the Netflix subpar serenade apocalypse #LoveisBlind4 #loveisblind #toohottohandle

Another day spent wishing they’d bring back the survivor auction

I love Valentine’s Day simply because I am very nosy

Brett Maher for governor

The absolute chokehold this chokehold has on me right now

I heard from a reliable source today (my great aunt) that robot technology (Alexa) is possessed by the devil (doesn’t make sense to her) so be careful y’all

Barista I didn’t recognize gave me a free pastry and when I looked puzzled he said “I used to cheat off your tests in school”

Cooperrrr Russhhhhhhhh

A second cruel irony brought to you by my calendar’s weekly tip:

Me: alone and stuck in my apartment with a broken foot My fortune cookie from the dinner I ordered on doordash:

Tweet aging beautifully, go cowboys

Woman at ER: how tall are you so I can set your crutches Me: 5’2 *crutches are too short” Woman: let’s try 5’3 Me: did I grow? Woman: no you’re just disproportionate

If there is one consistency in my life it’s that the rowlett whataburger will let me down every time

I won ($2) in the megamillions last night, please be respectful of my privacy as I decide how best to adjust to this huge change in lifestyle

Using PTO for watching shark week >>>>