Because the trains have been SHIT today, I've had to get a taxi both ways, in and out the city centre. @northernassist get your fucking shit together!!.

Well, @Ticketmaster were utterly shite today, kicking me out of the queue for #oasis tickets several times since dead early this morning. Couldn't even get one, let alone two for me and my brother. Entire day wasted! Won't be using them again, that's for sure.

A couple of missionaries just called round uninvited. As I was politely shooing them away, they asked if I've heard of the book of Mormon. I told them I heard it's a very good musical, before closing the door.

Happy 31st Biffdai to @AffieLockhart you gorgeous peep! 💜

As a little treat after tidying and cleaning the house, I got myself a Parmo 😋 Haven't had one in quite a while. A different one this time though; it has mac+cheese added to it.

I ordered a lychee ice-cream in a dream last night but woke up before I could have it. Disappointed doesn't cut it 😣.

Don't go licking no lampposts today 👅

I think putting a smart plug on my electric blanket may be the single most genius thing I've ever done 🧠 🧠

Thank you everyone who came out for early birthday drinks yesterday at @PixelBars! Tagging everyone I can lol @AffieLockhart @EggKayonnaise @Rachum89 @TheRevolverine @PullFocus_.

OMFG today's the day! It's #Affies30th birthday!!.@AffieLockhart happy birthday you beautiful bastard!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Jesus, he had a whip as well? Dirty bugger 😂

Bundle for Ukraine: 992 items for $10.00 #indiegames via @itchio.

The trains can fucking do one this morning! First time taking one for work in about 18 months and it's still the bloody same! I've probably caught omicron or typhoid or some shit now.

It took from 6pm until now but I FINALLY GOT MY ORDER IN! That was 159 minutes of unbridled terror and frustration!! Definitely don't wanna do that again 😤.#Pixel6Launch

Good going #google. Your UK online store was broken for 70 minutes, had the pixel 6xl in my cart all that time, and when your site finally start responding everything is out of stock. If it's cos of scalpers, you all can go fuck yourselves!.

Trying to preorder the #pixel6xl but the #google store has completely fallen over. Stop throwing me errors! Shut up and take my money! Grrrr.

RT @England: We’re disgusted that some of our squad – who have given everything for the shirt this summer – have been subjected to discrimi….

What dya get if you cross a novice cyclist with the hottest day of the year so far?.A very sweaty bastard, that's what!!