GRAHAM
@androcygne
Followers
3K
Following
13K
Media
3K
Statuses
18K
Joined October 2021
Graham. 2004. Wrath/rot/[REDACTED] neopronouns. You can like and retweet anything I post. Bulimic. TW for paranoia, delusions, and proana content.
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What happens when you purge (lax, vomit, exercise, etc.) : a realistic thread.
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I really admire the mass psychosis EDtwt encouraged in 2021. We might never see the likes of that back.
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You are not eating plain rice with plain vegetables, I refuse to believe it.
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April Fools. Get yourself together while you still have time. You're sick of always being stuck in a cycle, so figure out why you keep letting yourself down. Stop feeding into your own desire to binge. Don't make excuses again. The only person coddling you is yourself.
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you as averagespo imagine : you love your friend, but every time you see them you can't help but to compare yourself (gender neutral) with pictures
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It wasn't even worth it. If you hadn't binged, you might have woken up to a weight that made you happy. If you hadn't binged, you wouldn't have to spend the next week making up for it. If you hadn't binged, over and over, you might have been at your ultimate goal weight now.
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You know how annoyed and worried you get over someone telling you to eat? The more you gain, the less they'll worry about you. The less people worry, the more it means you're eating normally. It doesn't take much. 3 kg turns into 5 kg into 10 kg. You're becoming normal again.
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You're hungry. Your stomach feels too empty. You make a half hearted attempt to push away the desire to eat some more, but in the end, you give in. Just one bite. You've worked hard today, after all. One bite wouldn't sabotage your progress. You deserve it.
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No one will force you to eat after you say you already ate. Look at you. You're completely healthy. You don't need anyone to force you. Sometimes, someone will slip up and say "Oh, x already ate," even though you haven't. How can you blame them? You look like you eat well.
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You're not like those other people, are you? Those people always complain about their bodies, but do they ever change? No, all they know is opening their mouth to eat and complain. You know what you want. Your head is clearer than theirs. It's not clogged up by fattening food.
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You're thirsty. You're dehydrated. You realized that all you should have done was drink more water. Your body was begging for water, not for you to gorge yourself. You would even take being sick by filling your stomach with water than this shame and pain.
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You take a bite of the food you're desperately craving. Instead of fulfilling your hunger, it only worsens it. Your body begs for more. You convince yourself again. Just one more bite. Then another. You tell yourself you'll be done once it's half gone, a quarter left.
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You have to stretch and pose to see the body you once had. Think about how that body is still hiding under those layers of fat. You need to keep going. You need to do it now to avoid this misery. Stop wasting your hopes and goals. Stop wanting, and start moving.
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Your stomach is poking out painfully. You look like a combination of yourself and the old body you hated so much. Almost normal, if it wasn't for the way your cheeks, stomach and thighs swelled with weight. It's hard to walk knowing what you did to yourself.
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Sometimes, people even tell you, "Haven't you eaten enough?". It's never enough. You're already fat and miserable. You feel stuck. You just want to eat and eat to satisfy the desperate hunger from the control you once held over your body.
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You're not going to let those mindless people eat better than you, are you? You're not going to let them lose weight faster than you. It's impossible. Those people cry and complain about their bodies because they haven't realized how to be like you. Determined. Focused. Better.
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You feel hollow, but so, so full. It's only now that the numbers begin to whirl in your head. How many calories was that? Your heart sinks. Your TDEE today wouldn't be enough to make up for everything you just ate. You feel like crying. You worked so hard today.
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And in one moment, you've thrown it all away. You want to tell yourself that it'll be okay, that you'll make up for it tomorrow. But you know how this works by now. A binge moment turns into a binge day, and then you'll be finding yourself binging the whole week.
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But you find yourself eating it all up. Still not enough. You've already eaten this much, might as well eat more so you won't be craving it tomorrow. It doesn't satisfy you at all. You get a mild rush from chewing, from the taste, swallowing it down. Afterwards, though?.
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@rentisskinny Someone would say, "X is actually Y" and everyone would just go, "makes sense, whatever you say.".
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All those clothes you told yourself you'd look cute in once you lost weight? You're even further away from fitting in them the way you want to. Lots of clothes you can't bear to wear because every time you do, you feel constricted. You look even bigger when you're clothed.
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Your discomfort with your body will only get worse. You thought you were fat before? Now, you can't even stand to look at yourself. Every moment, you'll wonder how you lived like this? Do you want to always wish that body that you thought was fat would come back?.
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You can't believe you let yourself fall into the cycle once again. You've wasted consistency, effort and pride in just one binge. You'll wake up tomorrow with your body still struggling to digest what you ate. You know that you'll wake up heavier, bloated, weighed down by guilt.
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Other people want to be like you. You don't give up. No matter how long it takes, you've always remembered your goals. You're aware of the world around you, and you don't let it poison you. See how different you are from those people that mindlessly shovel junk into themselves?.
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Do you notice how sluggish normal people are? You see it in yourself when you eat. You become weighed down, slow, stupid. That's how a normal person acts every day. They're controlled by their appetite. You're too good for that. All that sugar and fat clouded your mind.
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The sweat is the worst. Every drop of sweat rolls down the weight you've gained, and you think about how you wouldn't have to burn off all this fat hanging from your body if you stayed consistent. Rolls form where they didn't before. Sweat gets trapped in places you used to lack.
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This is sadder than losing your social life because of your eating disorder.
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The things you put into your body are something you chose. You know when to deprive yourself of something until you deserve it. You actually work for your rewards. You're stronger than meaningless feelings like hunger and cravings. Excess and indulgence are beneath you.
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You're too strong to let other people stop you from achieving what you want. Those people who don't believe in you. Those who thought you weren't serious about losing weight. They don't realize what you want is far more meaningful than their desires that they can never reach.
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You're too full again. You're conscious of every bite that's in your stomach. You can feel your body bulging at the sides. You're disgusted by yourself. You lean over the toilet. You're running out of laxatives again. You don't know how many you should take any more.
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What are you scared of? Hunger? You're too strong to let that temporary feeling control you. You were never meant to be like those other mindless people, always feeding into their desires. The pain is a test to see if you're worthy. You know you're better than everyone else.
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So, prove it to everyone. Own that feeling of hunger until you no longer feel it. Only then will you feel the fat fall off your body. Remember how eating makes you feel. Remember how you would shovel the food into your mouth like an animal. That was how brainwashed you were.
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Remember this: control is the only thing you need. Everything else is merely a distraction. Control defines your whole being. That is how you make yourself into perfection. Control will give you the satisfaction you've always wanted. Control will make you better than anyone else.
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Your effort will take the power away from every word anyone has said to belittle you. They'll do anything to feel less inferior compared to you. They can't stand to see you achieve what they can't. Unlike them, you'll keep going no matter what.
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Your throat again. Again and again, you struggle to vomit. Even when all that comes out tastes of bile, you don't feel empty enough. Your legs are shaking. Your heart strains painfully with every stream of vomit you spew. It beats against your ribs, reminding you of how.
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You tally up the numbers in your head. Calories you've eaten, how much you'll digest if you purge, how much money to spend on your next batch of laxatives, when you'll be able to buy them. You bend over, already feeling sick thinking about all the numbers.
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You're pushing yourself past your limits. In a twisted way, you feel proud of the pain. You know there's still food in your stomach, but this was all you could get out. You think about how many calories you've purged. It's not enough. With your exhausted body, you.
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You shove your fingers into your mouth. Nothing. You scrape your nails against your throat. A stream of vomit spews out, nearly choking you. You cough out more vomit and spit it into the bowl. The toilet is stained with filth. You feel sick. You shove your slimy fingers into.
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You've never settled for being average. Most people are content with never bettering themselves. They think that's the best they're going to get. Not you. You know you stand out from the rest. It shows from your effort and your attitude. You won't ever be caught being complacent.
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You remember how much those people hurt you. You've always wanted a way to get back at them, haven't you? What better way is there than becoming someone they'll envy? They wanted to make you feel small. They treated you like you didn't matter. Show them how wrong they were.
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You have to prove that you've always been better than them. No matter how they try to bring you to their level, you'll never shovel food down like they do. You'll never let your weight get out of control. You don't rely on validation like they do. Make them eat their words.
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But you've woken up now. You realise that food is a vice that needs to be controlled, just like everything else. Only then will you realise your full potential. Don't let yourself become complacent. You hate it when others complain and never change. Why should you do the same?.
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Everyone wonders how you lost all that weight. How do you stay so focused? They want to be like you, but they don't realize it's because you've put in the work, unlike them. You'll always be better than them because you think before you eat, you work before becoming content.
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Lose all the weight holding you back. You'll look back and thank yourself for every bit of effort you put. You can see how much it's paid off. You've left your old self behind. The one that was just like the rest. You're slowly realizing your potential.
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Those people rely on others to tell them what to think. That's why they think their words mean anything to you. You're above that. Your mind is pure of those desires that control everyone else. It shows in your behaviour, your face, and most of all, your body.
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Force yourself to burn off the rest. Exhaustion and hunger was all you felt. You already ate today, but your emptiness leaves you with a ravenous hunger that eats at you as you watch the number of burned calories go up. Not enough, not yet. You haven't made up for the calories.
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Imagine how satisfied you'll be when you finally reach your goals. You wouldn't be thinking about how long it took, about how hard it was. Don't let your doubts control you, let your efforts and your body speak for itself.
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Feeling your whole body move even through the exhaustion gave you a thrill. You were pushing yourself when anyone else would stop. Why wouldn't you be proud of yourself?. You loved watching the number of minutes and calories burnt go up. You were strong, for once.
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More than anything, that's what you envied them for. They didn't care at all. They didn't care how their body looked. They didn't care how others saw them. You were the complete opposite. You spent every moment aware of how you could pinch and pull your stomach.
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You deserve to reach your goals. You've always been diligent and aware of yourself. Others let the world consume them, but you're not passive and weak like that. You know you're in control of the world around you and not the other way around. You made the person you are now.
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When you feel your head start to spin, your legs begin to give out, your vision go black, that's when you know you can stop. You're out of breath. The rush of exercising comes to you, finally. You're happy, so happy, and proud of yourself. The hunger is unbearable.
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But the exhaustion wins out. You lie in bed, your whole body in pain. Your throat burns. You look at your phone. You could start a fast. You know the hunger and self-loathing would only get worse, but you could at least feel proud of yourself for abstaining from food for once.
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Make them feel gluttonous. Make them feel inadequate. Show off your restraint. Show off how you achieved everything they ever dreamed of. Wouldn't it be the best thing in the world to know that those worthless people would sacrifice everything to be in your body?.
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The exhaustion makes you wallow in your thoughts. You think about how if you hadn't eaten so much, you would have been burning more than you consumed, instead of constantly having to make up for your gluttony. You feel that you've wasted your efforts. Suffering for nothing.
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If you were more disciplined, more in control, you would be where you wanted to be. You glance to the side and pop open your laxatives and supplements. At least these would help you wake up without hating yourself. Emptiness. Emptiness was above all.
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You lay on your pillow. Tomorrow would be a better day. A day as exhausting. You would fast and feel empty without having to struggle so much. You think about the hours you would spend starving and smile. You fall asleep, dreaming of an effortless emptiness.
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Healing your relationship with food? You know that's just a fancy way of saying you don't care about yourself enough to watch what you eat, don't you? You're going to regret it, anyway. imagine how many months of progress you're going to waste, only to end up fatter?.
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