Alistair Canlin
@alcanlin
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A struggling writer, who might very well be the next big thing, but I'll have to leave that to you to decide
Joined May 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Some words that were spinning round my head spewed out and ended up in
#Twisted50
Get your copy
#amwriting
#horror
3
3
15
Television Show Idea: Williford & Cooper Investigate
Willifre & Cooper investigate crimes against historical figures using a time machine that Cooper invented and hides in the basement of the university
#UniversityChallenge
34
250
1K
Asked about crime against women Boris Johnson replies “What we need to do is concentrate on real crime”
His bumbling words are dangerous, and offensive to everybody
#bbcbreakfast
120
587
996
It’s not Christmas until
#CallTheMidwife
has ripped out your heart, made you sob like a bairn, and then moments later makes you soar with happiness
7
55
508
The harbinger of hate given a platform to spout more of her hate and idiocy… Suella Braverman represents a Britain that I don’t recognise, and don’t really want to live in… a small minded, backward looking island of xenophobia
#BBCLauraK
35
138
532
Was that you being a supportive boss?
Yeah, any good?
Bloody awful
One of TVs best double-acts
#broadchurch
2
83
351
When you’re bored halfway through your performance and you decide to find out how the piano works
#Eurovision
0
92
279
@SusanCalman
@keviclifton
Could you get anymore British than a ballroom dancing contest disrupted by a storm called Ophelia
#savekevin
from
#StormOphelia
3
25
277
Can anybody explain to me how
@EilishMccolgan
has not been nominated for this year’s
#BBCSPOTY
?!?!?!?
She practically ran the distance of the moon and back this year
#spoty
11
7
290
The best thing about
#KeepingFaith
is that the characters are allowed time to breathe, to grow, to be real. You care for them, you care what happens to them. The whole thing is beautiful
8
14
264
“It is not our policy to comment on intelligence”
Because there is none in this government
#BBCLauraK
31
66
278
Seriously? Craig David is singing to the Queen about that week he pulled a girl and shagged her for a few days....
#Queensbirthdayparty
2
33
225
@SoVeryBritish
The Spy Who Had A Bit Of A Soft Spot For Margaret In Accounts But Didn’t Want To Say Anything Just In Case It Made Things Awkward
1
2
226
@SoVeryBritish
Glasgow has turned up in a very flashy outfit, looking particularly gallus, and headed straight to the fridge and is drinking you out of house and home…. But you’re rather loving their banter
3
2
182
Timothy West doesn’t say a single thing in the entire scene… but he completely steals the whole thing… a superb actor
#GentlemanJack
2
8
162
As the cases of sleaze grow more and more every day the government stooges that are put up in front of the media to defend the horror show that Boris Johnson’s government has become become more and more obscure
#bbcbreakfast
#torysleaze
#borismustgo
16
46
131
It’s amazing what you can pick up from the middle aisle of Aldi
#Germany
#Eurovision
#Eurovision2023
6
20
142
It’s sad that we still need David Attenborough to remind us how we are fucking up the planet… he must be so tired of repeating the same message again and again… one day we will listen… please god one day
#PlanetEarth3
1
27
143
“I wouldn’t have used those words, but the sentiment…”
A half hearted attempt at being a politician, Grant Shapps lets himself down as a human being again and again… the sooner the despicable cronies go the better
#bbclaurak
13
30
144
Ian McEwan 'dubious' about schools studying his books, after he helped son with essay and got a C+
#IanMcEwan
#books
#publishing
9
43
120
“We need to get the jabs in people’s arms...”
Where the hell has this ludicrous phrase come from... oh yeah the buffoon-in-chief Boris Johnson
It demeans the efforts of every single health professional. Injecting a patient is not just jabbing something in somebody’s arm
#bbcqt
15
12
108
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
#PresidentialDebate
3
55
82
Television Idea: 2nd series of Williford & Cooper Investigations
Williford tries to miss use the time machine hidden in the basement of the university for his own gain. Cooper calls on the secret society of the beret to stop him before he changes history
#universityChallenge
4
18
96
#TrumpBookReport
Lolita. Young woman. Beautiful woman. Nobody respects her more than me. Not like Humbert. Weak. Low energy. No respect
0
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77
Wahey!!!
It looks like two rather rotund elderly men running away joyfully from a hysterically embarrassing prank on their friend Frank
#AntiquesRoadshow
I may need help
5
9
103
@GaryLineker
Come on! Malta defended against Scotland and lost 5-1. A 2-0 victory is poor performance by England, not Malta
5
6
74
“The one thing I wanted to do was not make a mess of things....”
Well that plan went fucking marvellously Dave
#TheCameronYears
3
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New Government Policy on deterring illegal immigrants, put up big signs saying ‘We Are Closed’ bound to deter them…
#TheSeaWasClosed
2
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83