Something terrible happened 😔 i won't be okay for a long time

I have ambitions too. I'm trying very hard to achieve some things with the little mental capacity I have left

I binged dozens of videos of people hanging themselves to see what I was doing wrong. Something was keeping me from fully locking in and doing what needed to be done. I then realised one thing all those people had that I lacked: resolve. Not every part of me wanted to die.

Back in July, my parents suggested that I commit suicide, saying they would just bury me and move on with their lives unaffected. I tried to kill myself that day and nearly succeeded, then I tried the next day and failed again.

I'm lucky that pulling hair works for me because cleanup is very easy afterwards. Just a little bit of sweeping and ur done Much easier than typical sh with 🔪 where you'd have to clean both the wounds and the spilled blood Pulling hair is very regretable in the long run tho 😔

I pulled so much hair today, there's a lot of it on the floor. I have to get a haircut ASAP before anyone notices the extreme lack of hair on the left side

Project temporarily cancelled until I figure out what's happening to me. Something isn't right and I can't stop harming myself. I'm just realising that calling it a project makes it seem like something serious lol

No updates today, a wasted Saturday 😔 a disappointment, a broken promise

This project is still very much alive and keeping me awake at night. I got it working at some point and could read a chapter of Dragon Maid, but then I learned better ways of doing things and decided to rewrite the app while it's still small. Beginner problems, right? 😅

I want to start giving progress updates for the project I'm working on, a comic reader app called Stella. Should've started this a long time ago but better late than never, right? Should I make it a thread, or many, small separate tweets posted daily?

Depends on your definition of genre, but yeah I listen to pretty much everything. There are exceptions though. I don't tolerate mainstream Western pop and hip hop

dropping this weekend!!!!!!!🤍🤍 https://t.co/tBbSjUgC8Y

i'm going to delete like 95% of my tweets when the time comes. don't screenshot anything, okay? good

Whenever I make a new friend, I develop a small crush on them for about a week or so and then things become normal again. This is problematic in many many ways. Sometimes I tell them, sometimes I dont. This is the part I hate most about myself and it makes me embarrassed to death

oh and btw, i haven't forgotten about this project and progress is being made lol. i made a sidebar (from scratch!) and now i'm working to make the reader actually usable. it will be able to read comics in CBZ format in a few days (or today if mind and body cooperate!)

i might finally get my own counsellor

i hope i die in my sleep, i don't want to wake up tomorrow. i don't want to live anymore, i'm disappointed with myself and everything if i do wake up, i hope to at least feel better

my abusers are fully locked in and working to the best of their abilities to make my life miserable, but unfortunately for them, i feel like fighting back

i'm more likely than ever to get killed this month. of course i'll try my best to stay out of harm's way, but it shouldn't come as a surprise if i stop responding.

i'm starting to get annoyed with myself. if only killing myself didn't require effort