Adrian
@adrianmyreality
Followers
30,760
Following
2,320
Media
6,126
Statuses
82,173
Just here for the laughs. Reaching out to those in need. Wife/mom. Severe allergy to bullshit.
Joined January 2019
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My husband promised me wild sex tonight. Just letting y’all know I’ll be off Twitter for 3 minutes.
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How long into a marriage do men start to lose their hearing?
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My 90 year old Aunt called me from her adult community in Florida to tell me that she gave her first
blow job. I’m not okay you guys.
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When I started dating my husband he came to my house for the holidays. He saw I didn’t have a Christmas stocking because my step mother said I wasn’t part of her family. He ran out to CVS , bought one with glitter and glue and made me my first Christmas stocking.
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I just want you guys to know my son blocked me because my tweets are too outrageous. Have fun doing your laundry you millennial pussy.
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Got a dick pic in my DMs, so I replied that I’m blocking you, but autocorrect changed it to I’m blowing you, long story short, I’m on my way to the airport to pick him up.
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If you’re a married man in your 50s, please follow me, I ain’t getting laid either
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My husband wanted a quickie, I told him no way, I want the full 3 minutes or forget about it.
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When I’m not tweeting about sucking dick and banging married men, I’m taking care of cancer patients and doing a drop off at the food bank.
Check yourself before you judge.
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I’m a married woman and a mother, I don’t post nudes for everyone to see, with that being said, check your DMs
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I want to tell you about my son.
When he was 16 I had a serious heart attack, and a stroke a week later. He dropped all of his after school sports and activities. He would come home, cook, clean, do laundry and everything else. He still stayed on the honor roll. I’m blessed.
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My husband wanted a quickie. I told him no way, I want the full 3 minutes or forget about it.
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Yesterday at the pool I watched an autistic girl being rejected when she asked some kids if they want to play. They actually said no because she’s retarded, I told her I’ll be her friend and played with her. Some of you need to teach your kids some empathy.
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Don’t be so quick to judge someone based on their tweets. I work with cancer patients every day, and this is my escape from the sadness. Please check yourself before you attack someone.
Great talk, thanks.
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When I was 22 my then bf broke up with me on Valentine’s Day because he said I was too fat and he was embarrassed of me. At 5ft. and over 200lbs. it took me 2 years to lose weight and get in shape. For some of us the pain of being fat shamed never goes away.
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Men who enjoy eating pussy, have a 99% better chance of not catching the Coronavirus.
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My husband asked me for a quickie, I told him no way, I want the full 3 minutes.
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I’m a married, middle aged woman on Twitter, of course my DMS are open.
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Tonight my husband suggested we go out to this Italian restaurant by his office. He insisted we get there early because it’s always crowded. I got all dressed up and met him there. Dumb fuck didn’t know it was a funeral home. 😂😂 True story
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Had the sex with my husband this morning, now I’m gonna be 5 minutes late to work
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My skinny friend invited the hubby and I for dinner. She made me a salad and told me not to eat the bread, cause it will make me fatter.
So I jerked off her husband under the table then wiped his jizz on her cloth napkin.
Bon appetit bitch.
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My skinny friend texts me every day to tell me that she’s eating clean and exercising to get her summer body ready. She sends pics of herself in a bikini. So I text her back pics of my homemade brownies and me deep throating her husband’s cock.
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I’m thinking about getting my asshole bleached, but I don’t know if my husband would look good as a blonde.
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I just ordered 2 pizzas to be delivered. Do you think
$8.00 and a hand job is a good tip.
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My husband says he has a homemade test for the Coronavirus. If I suck his dick every day for a week and I don’t have any coughing or chest congestion, I’m negative. The results should be available this Friday.
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My dentist called to cancel my appointment because she doesn’t have childcare for her son now that school is closed. She’s a single parent, so I offered to watch her son being I’m working from home. Babysitting starts tomorrow.
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I’m a healthcare worker and I’m scared. I can’t sleep, my heart is racing and I’m running on adrenaline and coffee. If you think being quarantined is bad, try being hooked up to a ventilator, gasping for air, without any of your loved ones at your side. Please stay safe everyone.
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My grown ass millennial son has me blocked because my tweets are too sexually explicit and offensive. So I created an alt porn account, and now I’m liking and retweeting all his tweets.
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Having sex with older men is really hot. I love it when I’m banging them missionary and their Life Alert is is dangling in between my tits.
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I got a dm from a man telling me he wants to jerk off on my face. I told him once the quarantine is lifted I’d love to take him up on his offer. It’s really nice to have something to look forward to once we flatten the curve.
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I’m not hot enough to have an Only Fans Account, but for $20.00 I’ll show up at your job and tell all your coworkers you have a huge cock.
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I was at the grocery store today and there was only 1
rotisserie chicken left. I saw a man approach it the same time as me. So I asked him if he saw the size of the woman’s titties at the deli counter, and as he looked for her I grabbed the chicken.
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My husband’s on a business trip and just called to tell me he had a steak dinner and was going back to the room to rent some porn and jerkoff. And to think I felt bad about fucking his brother.
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The sexiest men on Twitter are the ones who tweet funny and sexual content, but know how to respond to a serious tweet with kindness and compassion.
That’s the kinda guys I like.
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The mailman told my husband he banged every woman on the block, except for 1, I told him it had to be Carol next door, she’s really not friendly
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If you’re looking for a domestic goddess, I have big boobs and a crock pot. Hit me up.
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The hubby suggested I should start working out, so I suggested he should start sucking his own dick.
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My husband said the doctor told him I can suck out his kidney stone. After 3 days of trying, I think he lied to me.
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My skinny friend keeps sending me pics of her 6 pack abs, so I send her pics of me deep throating her husband’s cock.
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My 90 year old aunt called me from her adult community in Florida to tell me she rode her boyfriend’s face, I’m not ok you guys.
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Is eating pussy on a park bench considered outdoor dining?
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My neighbor has the flu, so to cheer him up I brought him some chicken soup and let him watch me masturbate. Don’t tell me I’m not a good person.
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Had a hero on our plane, this image will forever be embedded in my mind.
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My new vibrator comes with 2 settings, husband and boyfriend.
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I’m trying to clean up my act and not tweet about sex too much. So who wants to come over for some homemade waffles and eat my pussy?
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Horny middle aged woman, who loves giving head, but can’t maintain eye contact because of my cataracts.
Hit me up
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My husband said he hates eating leftovers, dude do you know how old this pussy is?
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My tweets are mostly sexual and filthy, but they make a lot of people laugh. But at least I’m not a fake ass bitch, and I’m proud of that.
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My husband went back to work today, so to celebrate I ate a cheesecake, masturbated and took a nap.
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I just found a gray hair on my vagina. Should I tell my mailman or just wait to see if he notices it himself?
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My husband- I really want to have anal
Me- Sounds good, what do you want me to shove up your ass?
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I really wanna post a pic of my ass. Please let me know if you’re turned on by a piece of meat that looks like it was beaten with a bag of nickels.
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I’m shopping with my best friend and she’s complaining about a size 2 being too big for her. I think I’m gonna have to fuck her husband.
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If there’s one thing I learned from the pandemic, it’s that a lot of us can work from home and still get the job done. This cuts down on transportation costs, less pollution, more family time, better sleep, and time to prepare healthy meals.
Just my opinion.
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I dmd some guy a pic of my clit, and all he said was
“What breed of dog is that”
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Me - Sends vagina pics to random men.
They respond- What kind of animal is that?
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I want to thank everyone who had my back today. That nasty woman harassing me, accusing me of promoting child porn. All of my followers know I only go after married men, especially my friends husband’s. Seriously, I appreciate all of you. ❤️
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Today was the worst day I ever had at work. A regular patient brought his elderly mother in the office in a wheelchair, he had her all propped up, he’s tells me I think she’s dead but I need the doctor to check her. She indeed was dead. I’m still in shock.
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Today is one of my favorite days of the year. I run a support group at my office called “ Cancer and Cupcakes “ We serve refreshments and give makeovers to cancer patients. Just a little something to bring happiness to those going through a tough time.
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I’ll never ask for money if I send you nudes. But for
$20.00 I’ll go to your office and scream in front of all your coworkers “ You got the biggest, best dick I ever had.”
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My husband said he wanted a quickie, I said
“NO WAY”, I want the full 3 minutes or forget about it.
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Me and the hubby made a 20 minute homemade porn video last night.
15 minutes of arguing
2 minutes taking our socks off
3 minutes of me giving him a hand job
Please check out my tl for the full unedited version.
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None of us have ever lived through a pandemic. It’s okay to be angry, overeat, sleep all day, binge watch tv, or react to situations in a way you normally wouldn’t. Whatever way you deal doesn’t make you any more or less of a person. Now is not the time to judge one another.
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Last weekend I had a party at my house, found out yesterday one of the men who was here has Covid, he was already vaccinated, I told him I need to tell everyone that was here about it. He called me a gossipy bitch, I call it being a person with a moral responsibility.
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My husband hates eating leftovers, dude do you know how old this pussy is?
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I need someone to hold my tits while I run on the treadmill.
No weirdos please
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How long into a marriage do men know bras do not go in the dryer.
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Masturbating at the DMV is a great way to make new friends.
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My husband asked if I wanted a treadmill for Christmas, so if any of you hos are looking for a married man to bang, he’s available.
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I’m not the smartest, wealthiest, or prettiest, but I’m damn proud of my heart.
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I think my husband has been masturbating to Flo from Progressive Insurance
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I told my husband bad boys turn me on, so now he’s loading the dishwasher with his baseball cap on backwards.
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My husband pissed me off, so I logged onto his FB account and private messaged all his golf buddies that I want to lick their balls.
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My husband lasted 5 minutes in bed last night, now he thinks he’ll be on a Wheaties box
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Bought my husband underwear in a smaller size, now he thinks his dick got bigger.
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The nice man urinating in front of CVS called me a milf, now I’m thinking about posting nudes.
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The dentist said my teeth and gums looked great, but my vagina needs a filling.
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I don’t wanna catch the Coronavirus, but I still like sucking dick.
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Every time my neighbor mows his lawn at 7am, I just stand on my front porch naked with my coffee watching him.
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My husband’s cock ring broke, and all I can say is thank God we have a box of Cheerios.
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If you’re looking for a Twitter 10, who’s actually a real life 6, I give amazing head and have a few grey pubes. Hit me up.
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So here’s the update on the hubby. It’s a large kidney stone, 9mm, needs to be pulverized so he can pass it as sand. You’ll guys never know how much your support means to me. I appreciate y’all so much.
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I’d rather go to the store and pick up condoms for my son, than be buying diapers for a kid he’s not ready for.
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I went shopping with my skinny friend, and all she did was complain that a size small is too big on her. Now I don’t feel so bad about fuc*in her husband.
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