Me 2019: Lied to family about having gout to get out of xmas dinner. Me 2020: There’s No friggun way that the gov’t is cancelling family xmas dinner.

Legalization really enhanced the work done by the upholstery cleaning sector.

I went to Costco and they were sold out of toilet paper so I bought all the cheese #QuarantineAndChill.

As a result of Sophie feeling ill, Trudeau has decided to self quarantine on Aga Khan’s island.

I stopped my couch to 5k run challenge on sept 23rd when I was only 3 months post transplant. Was still on a high dose of prednisone and my knees were falling apart. I restarted in the new year and just completed…

What’s the over under wait time for @realDonaldTrump to take the podium?.

Every time a missile gets launched @realDonaldTrump yells “You’re Fired”.

2020 resolution. look strangers in the eye while farting.

Everyone please be cognizant that Christmas can be hard on people. This morning I had a helluva time explaining to my 4 yr old that it was because of that day in August when she was a total twat that Santa gave her a generic scooter rather than the Frozen edition she requested.

Tavares wants to be back on the ice saying “it sucks watching”. Well, Leafs nation can empathize with you bud.

RT @YukYuksCalgary: Aug 23-24 @ 8 pm we’ve got headliner @Adam_Delorey with host @BritanyLyseng and our features are switching up throughou….

Trudeau says he will not Apologize for his role in the SNC Scandal insisting that he only Apologizes for a previous governments wrong doing, events that took place over 150 years ago and the weather. #sorrytrudeau.

RT @770CHQR: This Afternoon with @RobBreakenridge:.1pm: Rev. Anna Greenwood-Lee, @keepcalgarystrong - protest at #yyccc.1:30: @DanielMyran….

I just had a craving for liver and onions. Making me believe in reincarnation as my uncle Vince came back to give me his.

The first quarter is almost done and I haven’t seen Drake yet? C’mon, what am I watching here @Raptors.

After watching his post game reaction I bet @kawhileonard is home now in his jam jams watching Sanford and Son reruns.

So excited to be heading to @HfxComedyFest I only miss one of my children!.

RT @TheFictionals: We're excited to be back on The Brett Martin Show this Friday night at @YukYuksVan! @brettmartinlive & @SamTonning lead….

rhmymy bgnmtrnt763 via @Digg.

RT @ToddShapiroShow: New Partner alert! Want to qualify for $500 worth of Bitcoin? Follow @coinberryio and sign up for a new account at htt….