AC Tatum
@actatumonline
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London
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Rio Grande do Sul
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#WWEBacklash
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Star Wars
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Madonna
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Barça
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SOUTH KOREA APOLOGIZE TO BTS
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こどもの日
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#MayTheFourthBeWithYou
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子供の日
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Drake somewhere in the booth singing “I can’t tell if you’re social distancing or distancing yourself from me socially”
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I have an air fryer and HBO Max. I literally don’t need you.
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Charcuterie ain’t nothing but some Lunchables that went to Harvard.
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“I’m from the DMV”
My brain: “this person is from the department of motor vehicles.”
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Was telling my little nephew before cell phones we had pagers and ppl had to dial a number for us to call back. And explained that sometimes instead of dialing a phone number, people would send messages like “143” which meant “I love You.” He asked if I was in the Civil War.
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Adulting is wild because you gotta wake up and fight for your life every day lmao
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BREAKING: New York Knicks vow to go on 24 game losing streak to honor the late Kobe Bryant
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That was a filler episode.
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T-pain thought the industry hated him and it turns out he just didn’t know how to access “general” Instagram DMs!!! 💀💀💀💀😂😂😂
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Beethoven was deaf and still had rhythm. That was a black man.
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She posted me to the group chat and they said I’m handsome
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Pro athletes should go to regular ppl jobs and boo the fuck out of them. Like “booooo you bagging groceries slow as fuck you fucking bum!”
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My lady was saving $5,000 to buy a new car. Little did she know, for every dollar she set aside, I took it to Guitar Center for studio equipment.
Mixtape coming soon. Take care of yourselves kings.
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You know how racist you gotta be to be the champion of slavery?
John C. Calhoun (1782-1850), champion of slavery, whose statue is being removed today in Charleston, South Carolina:
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I know the last day on earth gonna be so fun on twitter.
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Vegans, as soon as they dump some hot sauce on burnt cauliflower:
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Rip to that funny tweet I was reading right before Twitter randomly refreshed for no reason.
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We don’t talk enough about the depression that can come shortly after you actually achieve your biggest goals. It’s a real thing.
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LLC Twitter entering the timeline to monitor how everyone is spending their stimmy
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Balance: $9.00
Charge: $9.99 [Apple Music]
Balance: -0.99
Overdraft Fee: $35.00
Balance: -35.99
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Friends who correct you and say “when” every time you mention “if” while speaking about your dreams >>>
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Black people so in tune with the culture that all my guy had to do was post this and folks saying congratulations 🍾
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Y’all worried about 5G but eating the meat at Taco Bell. Make it make sense
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You can tell women’s basketball is here now because players are getting flamed exactly like the dudes now
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When I want to support somebody’s tweet but I see everybody is flaming them in the comments
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I love how New Balance is acceptable fashion now. Back in the day you would get flame broiled if you came to school with some NBs on.
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Grilled onions can take a regular meal and make it a bad bitch.
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“Yea them boys is out today y’all be careful” - a black person after seeing 1 police car
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“Stink” is the worst romantic nickname in the book. You ain’t about to call me a smelly person because it sounds cute lmaooo nah words have meaning. Call me “honey bun” 😭
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Friendly reminder that the current president took out full page ads in newspapers calling for the execution of the Central Park 5. Five innocent boys.
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Shoutout to Mexican people. Y’all snapped when y’all created food
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About to get this Tesla on Afterpay for just 2,600 installment payments of $24.99
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Y’all really be having no concept of how good these players are in real life
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If the bengals call tomorrow yo ass gon be dressed like Tony the Tiger 😭😭😭😂😂😂😂 stop playin
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Not saying anything during the entire zoom meeting and then saying “bye everybody” enthusiastically at the end >>>>>>>
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I still can’t get over how they berated Kaepernick all those years for “disrespecting the flag,” only to turn around and make the flag into a black & blue, authoritarian hate symbol.
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Found out recently that my family is the heir to about 150 acres of land in Arkansas that we were forced to abandon after the Reconstruction Period. The University of Arkansas Pine Bluff reached out to us as a result of a federal program to return land. I go visit next week!
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Have y’all come to grips yet with the fact that summer is a wrap?
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“You looking sharp big bro, don’t hurt ‘em like that!”
“I’m just trying to be like you big homie”
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Me watching her eyes light up at the flowers I bought from the grocery store
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ATTN: if you live in LA or Chicago, please don’t do this
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Fun fact: when I wrote music I did a bunch of stuff with Tatyana Ali. She probably has a catalogue of 200 unreleased songs. She loves to record but she hates the music industry so she will never come out as an artist
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This me in traffic the day they announce everything’s back to normal
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😩
Biden wants Americans to wear a mask for 100 days. Who’s in?
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Your 30s are really just your 20s with more structure, more money, and the ability to spot people who don’t fit into your life.
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This song hit the streets so hard they used to play it on regular radio next to Jay-Z and DMX
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Did Trump campaign on anything to help black people on 2016? What about 2020? …. no?
Tell the truth, y’all don’t want Trump to win because you know he’s gonna help Black people. 🤷🏾♀️
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“Your credit score is looking downright spectacular. Have you considered looking into home loans?”
The credit score = 540
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JPMorgan Chase took $1.5 Billion in overdraft fees during 2020, in the middle of a pandemic. Keep in mind, they got bailout money from the government and a portion of it was specifically designed to stop them from doing this.
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Me: “No don’t worry about me everything is gucci I promise”
Me Deep down:
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Dreams and Nightmares
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The News: “If everyone follows these 5 simple steps, things could be back to normal by late April, early Ma—“
Me:
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Me, logging on to work today while a random girl makes $150K popping popcorn with a flat iron on tiktok
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“Please hold your applause until the end of the graduation ceremony”
Black people as soon as their relative’s name gets called:
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To be able to lay up on a Saturday with your bills paid, enjoying whatever leisurely activities you like, is a luxury we should never take for granted.
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Anthony Hamilton music make me wanna go build a railroad with one hammer.
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“We not doing that” = a black person refusing to accept the current state of affairs
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Drake album ain’t for me. Only so many times I can hear you sing-rap about popping adderall, buying random women Mercedes, and having your homies shoot your enemies. It’s starting to become the McDonald’s of rap.
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Usher did that one tiny desk and folks stopped mentioning his name for Verzuz overnight Lmaoo. The distinction was made clear.
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Whoever ate trick daddy ass started Covid 19
Naw Trick Daddy gotta chill bruh 😂😂😂 “Yeah, I get ate out!”
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Buy U a Drank by T-Pain is such a nostalgic song. I feel like it instantly takes you to a time & place where everything was fun and easy going.
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The Ford Bronco marketing team has a chance to do the best throwback Thursday video of all time.
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White privilege is being able to get $1.1 Billion into debt in the first place...
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Crazy part is Google isn’t “Google” anymore. Just a bunch of paid for ranked hits. You really gotta dig for the most accurate information.
"TiKtOk Is My GoOgLe" yeah that was one of the many problems. yall slow as hell
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Primary care physician: “you’ve put on 25 pounds since we’ve last met. Is everything okay?”
Me:
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No. But my attitude will be entirely different lol
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It’s wild because Slim is one of the richest dudes in the industry and 99.9% of people don’t even know what his voice sounds like. Definition of stacking and staying out the way .
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They went down there to see the Titanic and ended up creating the sequel
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“Kelly Rowland is an adjustable 6 on a scale of 1 to 10”
“I’ve never seen a dark skinned 10”
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The “grill master” is a dying breed. Everybody wanna smoke blunts and drink casamigos but nobody wanna throw a slab of ribs on the grill 😒
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The news that 75% of American families can’t afford an average home is way more scarier to me than the aliens.
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“Hey, they cooking you in the quotes. I’m not sure if you saw” is funny every time because you know damn well they saw.
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“Hey, not sure if y’all noticed but France is paying its citizens around 80% of their salaries until they find work”
U.S. Government:
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They stormed the Capitol with confederate flags. 5 people died. And some of those same people are back at work this week approving/disapproving loans, providing medical care to minorities, teaching students, etc ... Frightening.
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Trying to figure out how ima buy 13 people Christmas gifts with $60
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Food prices are insane. I’m in the grocery store getting the off-brand version of everything. Give me the Lieutenant Crunch cereal I don’t care.
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On a side note, I think it’s kinda dope how Phil Lewis’ Twitter account has basically become the hood’s CNN. I literally get a solid 75% of my news from this guy
A tire fell off a United Airlines plane after takeoff from San Francisco International Airport, damaging cars below, officials said
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Chick-fil-a server: “now did you want the chicken sandwich by itself or…”
Me:
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