Three years ago today I found out I was
#HIVpositive
writing this post literally is the hardest thing I have done in a while . These past three years have been full of loneliness , Anger ,sadness , regret , grief and a broken heart ❤️🩹 . I took me a whole year to tell anyone
The medicine I’m on made me gain hella weight . And not only was I still traumatized from my child hood and now this ? I never thought I would be the one . But that’s the thing you never know . I am so proud of myself for being open about my status and being a example❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I hope my story can bless atleast one person . I know what it’s like to feel broken , lonely , depressed and sad with no one to talk to and no one who understands . But i promise you life gets better and. You will heal and you will find the people who love you unconditionally ❤️🔥
I contemplated ending my own life so many times . I felt damaged beyond repair not realizing that my flaws are the very thing that made me who I am today . I want anyone feeling anyone to know that your not alone and no matter what u been through you aren’t your past
Three years ago today I found out I was
#HIVpositive
writing this post literally is the hardest thing I have done in a while . These past three years have been full of loneliness , Anger ,sadness , regret , grief and a broken heart ❤️🩹 . I took me a whole year to tell anyone
31 years old.
5 years living w HIV.
5 years undetectable.
Healthy, happy, Healed and growing everyday.
These past few years have been a struggle to say the least but I’m so happy I’m learning myself and allowing myself the space and time to heal foreal❤️
#HIV
#LGBTQIA
if I have been distant and none responsive to you I’m so sorry I literally have been trying to navigate my feelings and emotions . I have Complex PTSD -may be diagnosed in adults or children who have repeatedly experienced traumatic events, such as violence, neglect or abuse.
Moment of vulnerability. Growing up I was
#raped
and
#molested
by my older cousin from the age of 7-11 . At 13 I told my family and like most southern church families I was silenced . I was told to pray and let god heal my wounds . I did just that and still no healing
Three years ago today I found out I was
#HIVpositive
writing this post literally is the hardest thing I have done in a while . These past three years have been full of loneliness , Anger ,sadness , regret , grief and a broken heart ❤️🩹 . I took me a whole year to tell anyone
Moment of vulnerability. Growing up I was
#raped
and
#molested
by my older cousin from the age of 7-11 . At 13 I told my family and like most southern church families I was silenced . I was told to pray and let god heal my wounds . I did just that and still no healing
Thank y’all so much for the love and support I reallllly appreciate it and and sending the love right back to each and every one of you . This post has blew up more then I expected I’m sending you also so much love and light and just know this is only the beginning 🥹❤️🩹
To all the people so actively tried to date me and was healthy and I just ghosted you I’m sorry . I often self sabotage and brake my own heart before someone else can hurt me . It honestly took me forever to even feel sexually stimulated again I was not even in tune with me
@QuietAtTheStart
@fonzfranc
Man this hit me so hard . The sad part is even when I told my family about me being raped as a child they like swept it under the rug . And kinda blamed me and that was the worst time of my life
Don’t be afraid to tell your story because your trying to save face for anyone else . Your story can possibly save so many lives , I know first hand from the messages I have received this week alone that you voice is important . Be the change you want to see 🥹❤️🩹
So I gave up liquor and and am on a journey to fix my relation to food . And today if was so hard not to drink but I did it and I’m proud of myself . I’m on a journey of loving myself and learning this new version of myself at 30 and it’s hard . -never give up
GOD works in mysterious ways . I had given up on dance . I was depressed and going through so much . I wasn’t even going to audition. Thank you sindy for always believing in me and pushing me to be better .Thank you
#FatimaNoir
@iamdjdubz
@iamtiarivera
For the opportunity to…
I was wondering why I was so emotional the past few days I wanted to cry all week and this week 4 years ago I was diagnosed with
#HIV
.. often times people support but I don’t feel like nobody get me even though I know they do ….. ugh the struggle
Also I love the love im getting if y��all know anyone who can help me with my book please let me know . Or if u wanna support me in my journey of writing this book dm thank yalll 🥹❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I struggle at times with confidence , and today I realized my relationship with my mom is the root of that . She expressed how much she hated who I was and it taught me to hate it as well and now I’m at the place where I love everything that I was taught to hate about myself
In My earliest memories living in a
#singleparent
home my mom forced to go to my aunts . I cried and begged her to let me stay at her salon but no . Their where so many signs that something wasn’t right but because I was
#gay
nobody cared to pay attention to me or my well-being
I prayed and asked god “please help me hate my mom “ but after all the abuse my love for her was always unconditional . Something in me (my higher self ) spoke to me and said . “ you where born to show her what true unconditional love is. And instantly I felt a shift in me
Moral of this story we have to start speaking up against
#abuse
and stepping in when we can . It’s not easy being
#black
and
#gay
. I’m guilty for not using my voice and platform but that changes today . My coming out will be dropping soon stay tuned
#healing
People don’t know how hard these past three years have been for me . From Hiv diagnosis , loosing family , a horrible brake up , facing my past and ending my dance career took a toll on me mentally physically and emotionally . I had to really let go of everything and heal
At the age of 18 my mom wanted to kill me I felt that she hated me . Nothing I ever did was good enough and none of my prayed to God had been answered I still wasn’t cured of my gayness and the church made sure to remind me of the abomination I was every Sunday
It’s 11 pm at night I had nowhere to go but I knew I couldn’t go back home anymore . I had nothing and no one to depend on . I thank spirit for not allowing me to fall into addiction and drugs because I would have been dead by now .
It’s important for me to talk about this because people need to see how their actions can effect someone . Me and my mom have started our
#healing
journeys . I have forgiven her and am actively working on healing myself and our
#relationships
. So don’t get mad to quick
At this point I have been
#homeless
off and on since the age of 16 my mom kicked me out because I was gay of course. My self worth and identity has been shatter into pieces By this time from all the
#trauma
I started to suffer from
#Bruxism
and didn’t have. insurance or resources
I was so depressed . I didn’t even want to live anymore . The people who I love hate me . I’m fat and I just felt useless . Church couldnt heal me I tried everything my mom even tried to send me to shock therapy . I get sad even thinking about that time
@TJ_Paperstacks
@QuietAtTheStart
@fonzfranc
Thanks for the support i realized after going through that that it’s hard for me to depend on anyone emotionally . Even why I’m going through tough times I’d rather suffer in silence then to open up . And when I do open up idk how to communicate . I’m now at27 tryin to heal
After months of intense
#therapy
realized that I suffered from
#PTSD
and
#depression
. I decided to start treatment for depression . I’m m currently taking
#mirtazapine
. I just want to let my black and brown community know that it’s ok to get help
#mentalhealth
Even when you think that people are ok
#mentally
#physically
#spiritually
and
#Emotionally
you just never know . 2020 was a up hill battle of unpacking and healing . I want my
#lgbtqia
+ family to know that you are enough and it’s ok to get help . ❤️‼️
I was sitting at my moms shop I’m now a junior in highschool and she was telling her client that she gave up on me and was giving me to GOD and that she couldnt deal with my gay shit and idk why but in my depressed state . Face full of tease and heart broken I said out loud
FUCK THIS !!. She turned around and started punching me in my face and cussing me out . At this point she was in rage . I just couldn’t take the abuse anymore . I walked out her salon and she followed cussin and hitting me I just didn’t care about life anymore I wanted to die