☁︎ - 𝕙𝐞𝐚𝐯𝚢 w̲̼̲e̲̼̲a̲̼̲t̲̼̲h̲̼̲e̲̼̲r̲̼̲
@_grey__cloud
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀isn't it fine to give up , ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀if you forgot what you were fighting for ?
.ᐣ
Joined November 2023
ᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠand is it really so much to ask ᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠ ⠀for someone who'll stay , ᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠ⠀and some peace of mind ?
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⠀“ massive headache all damn day... I can't stand this stress... ”
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❝ʜᴇʏ ɴᴏᴡ, ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴇᴀꜱʏ? ᴛᴏʀᴛᴏɪꜱᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.❞ ↻+♡ #UmaMusumeRP / #MVRP
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆ ʟᴇɢᴇɴᴅᴀʀʏ ᴜᴍᴀ ɹǝʇsʞɔıɹ⊥ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆
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⠀“ I don't want my life to be life for life's sake, and nothing else... when I die, I would at least want for there to be something left for me to look back on, anything for me to say... 'well, maybe some of it was worth it'. I don't want to rot away... ”
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⠀“ …how much of me is left? how deep can the hole be dug? is whatever I continue to live for, as infinitesimal as those things are, enough to sustain that process forever? will I never get to fully break? I don't… want to be empty… I've seen how empty a person can become… ”
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⠀“ no longer what I used to be... no longer able to expand outward... my memories, both good and bad, all completely disappear, and whatever past actions I might have made, any enjoyment of anything, any lessons I might have learned, just further amount to nothing... ”
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⠀“ I instead continue to bury it completely... and when I run out of room within myself, this... figurative garbage can that I am—I don't let it out, I simply let it burn into me. deeper, and deeper... like a corrosive acid, and I become all the more hollow... ”
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⠀“ both being ways for their problems to disappear... scorched earth. even if more problems come later... but to finally burn up like that, for it to completely boil over to the point of no return... why have I never been able to do that? why could I never bare my wounds? ”
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⠀“ seen by myself, or by others... hah, as usual... it'd be completely in-character for me for it to be completely unseen. I envy people who... finally just, completely explode. or break down. they either destroy everything around them... or themselves. ”
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⠀“ but you just can't be crushed. even if you want your back to finally break, for it to snap your neck and end it... it just doesn't happen. did I maybe just break a long time ago? was it just, so silent, so slow and gradual... it was completely unable to be seen? ”
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⠀“ and whatever force is behind it... it's not because it doesn't want to. or, maybe it doesn't. whatever it's doing... it's completely ignorant that you can feel anything, regardless of the noise you make, or how you struggle. its goals, if any, are completely invisible. ”
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⠀“ …it just feels worse, even worse than it did before. emotionally, physically... there isn't anything you can do. not to stop it, not to prove a point. it'll just stay the same, no matter when you think you've done something. anything. it's so... exhausting... ”
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⠀“ even if not that, then just to convey in someway, either to yourself or whatever is pushing on you, that you can't take it... and then, like your resistance meant nothing, it pushes you back down effortlessly—and with that burst of strength, with the help of gravity... ”
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⠀“ it's just so... annoying, it makes you so mad how it never goes away, it just keeps pushing, pushing... and then, you get angry enough to start gritting your teeth, angry enough to make your muscles tense, and you try, you try to push yourself up to get it off... ”
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⠀“ you save your strength... and then, it keeps nudging occasionally. hurting you more. still not enough to do anything that much worse, but enough to wake you up. enough to stop you from getting comfortable, as little comfort as you could already have in your situation. ”
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⠀“ I feel like... I'm under a hydraulic press. it never actually crushes me, it just constantly pushes down hard enough that there's no way you can ever move, and that bit of pain, just enough to make you groan but not to scream... then, you can't even do that anymore. ”
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⠀“ what good is not being able to break? all I see it as... is that it means there's always something left to drag out of you. that as long as you remain the same, responding the same ways, doing nothing to stop the thing that's wearing you down... nothing is actually wrong. ”
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⠀“ --ah, um... ...walking...? ...I don't really have a lot of options, or at least, I'm not able to come up with any... ”
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀Oh , well , there are countless things to try , what have you considered ? ⠀⠀
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