Ja Loka
@_fels1
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mi casa es su casa|| @iamfels1
Nairobi, Kenya
Joined January 2017
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Pinned Tweet
"If your parents count on you, don't play the same game with those who count on their parents."
-The End-
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You have a serious problem if you don't find anything wrong with a village having 1 hospital, 2 schools, zero factory, and 60 churches.
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There is no point discouraging graduates. Let people go to school, study, get degrees and celebrate their wins. It's better to have papers and no job instead of having none. Destiny can only he delayed, but can never be denied.
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Kuna age fulani ukishafika, ongea tu ukweli. Wewe ni mtu mkubwa, hakuna mtu atakupiga juu umesema ukweli. Twì hamwe?
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This is always the case until a married woman has a househelp who wants to wear miniskirts, booty shorts and crop tops.
Children , especially a girl child must wear whatever she is comfortable to wear without being scared of what men will say or do
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When you find a poor man eating chicken, either the chicken is sick or the man is sick.
-Ndhiwa Elders-
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Last weekend, Dr Oludhe walked into club Alleyways in Kisumu, ordered for Martell Vsop worth 10k and after drinking, he was asked to pay. He told the waiters to arrange themselves. The management told the bouncers to escort him out of the premises and give him a slight warning.
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"Life has humbled so many parents who thought their children were better than others."
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“My past is my past” choir members always make it sound as if old men finding them usable is a flex.
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Sometimes, it is cheaper and more sustainable to keep on buying milk than to buy a cow.
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Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."
Magi onge!
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Veronica Shikuku Mung'asia Shikwekwe (Vera Sidika), daughter of Wilbeforce Matendechere Shikwekwe from Bukhembe village, will soon be a common user of Patanisho. On a bad day, the wind will blow and the anus of the chicken will be seen.
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Nairobi ukijaribu kuacha pombe even for a month, you lose at least 50% of your friends.
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Unless something is done fast, he may end up a hardened criminal.....there is sufficient concrete evidence to support that.
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Ruto has just lost a one man debate. When bad luck chooses you as a companion, even a ripe banana can remove your teeth.
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Suddenly, most people have forgotten that Prof. Wajackoyah the 5th has a woman running mate. Selective amnesia!
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Once you buy a used car with many previous owners who misused it, you have to accept that you will not be the only driver. Mechanics will drive it most of the time and it will spend nights at the workshop. It will also drain you financially and emotionally.
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Rigathi didn't have to say "family is the basic unit of a society" yet he knows very well that the opponent is a veteran single mother. Condescending!
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You don't have to feel offended when a friend doesn't come through for you financially, either through a loan or mchango. Adulting is not easy. Bills and responsibilities are weighing them down.......they are not fake friends.
This earth is HARD!
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Dame yako saa hii amevaa t-shirt refu, anabishana na salaried guy kama atapika mayai kwanza ama aendee P2. Text yako ya jana hajajibu. Be strong. Chakula kitamu hakipikwi na kuni moja!
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It is just wrong to appear for lunch in a Brazilian weave and latest iPhone, then expect me to pay your bill......you look expensive, act it.
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Vijana wamejaza magari kwa barabara lakini bado kwa KRA wanafile NIL returns. Ukiwauliza how come, they always answer "Ni God manze".
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Leo mbogi itakusifu vile ukona madem wengi, madem wenzako pia watakushow vile wakona wababaz wakona pesa na wanawaspoil, but kesho ni mama yako atakusifu hosi vile umemaliza kikombe moja ya uji bila kutapika.
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Black dad stays in the office after working hours with two step daughters.
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Sakaja sounds informed, vivacious, articulate, exuberant and eloquent. I keep wondering why Mike Sonko has papers while Sakaja doesn't.
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Every day women crave for the lifestyle of sex workers but don't want the social reputation that comes with it.
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A President in Kenya earns a salary of less than Ksh. 100 million in five years. Why the hell would someone spend Ksh. 4.4 billion to get that job? Sounds ridiculous and preposterous.
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Kama bibi yako anafanya kazi kwa bank or media house, wewe hauna bibi. Rudi ukae kwa kiwanja na sisi.
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It’s 2022 and Muslims should also embrace technology and buy alarm clocks or set alarms on their classy phones. There is really no sense in appointing someone to be yelling at the whole estate at 4 am in the name of waking them up to go pray.
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I have watched a sad video of President Ruto telling bodaboda riders that the price of charging their electric motorbikes will be $5, which is equal to Ksh. 8 ONLY.
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Only poverty can make someone argue that second-hand clothes (mtumba) are better than brand new clothes.
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Akothee is visiting one of her baby daddies in Europe, just a few weeks after her grand wedding to Omosh the 7th. Anyway, the owner of the well does not queue for water.
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Your rich uncle has been unable to link you to a job, but you think voting for someone just because s(he) is from your tribe will change your life.
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Once you try living outside Nairobi for sometime, you get to realize that life in Nairobi is overrated. Congested, extortion and a lot of things are just expensive for no valid reason.
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After retiring from adult industry in 2015, Mia Khalifa got into relationships, got engaged, married, divorced, became a feminist, a career coach, relationship expert, and in 2024 went back to the adult industry. Being a ho3 is not a phase. Once a scout, always a scout!!
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A woman posting half-naked photos of herself and a man posting his material possessions both have the same intention.
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Members of parliament - Don't need degrees
Governors - Don't need degrees
Senators - Don't need degrees
Cabinet Secretaries - Don't need degrees
Clerks, Secretaries, accountants and cooks - Need degrees and 30 years' experience.
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If you can't pay your employees a deserving wage, at least pay them on time.
-the end-
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I will tell you next week.
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Which websites do you guys make money on that actually pays? Clean money. Please share.....
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1. Increase University fee
2. Decrease HELB loan
3. Ensure graduates remain unemployed so that they are enslaved by politicians
4. Tell them BBI will increase HELB repayment grace period.
This country is sick. Classical case of stitching the anus to cure diarrhea 😢😢
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Semi-illiterate Oscar Sudi going to parliament and making laws should not come as a surprise. Rashid Echesa was sitting in Cabinet with only a birth certificate, Joho has been running a county with a D- & Raila even became a Prime Minister with a certificate in welding. UTAPELI!!
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I wonder why a father would curse his son never to win the presidency. 30 years of chasing shadows. Prepare for WSR presidency. It's a wrap!
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Kuna jamaa ako na mzinga ya Jameson whiskey 1 liter, anauliza kama kuna mtu anaweza mbadilishia na Toughees black shoes, no 5.
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If ODM and UDA believe in giving youths opportunities, let them start by nominating them as their presidential candidates.
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Ruto's story will be told for generations. A man who came from a humble background to head a state. A man who won against all odds, single-handedly defeating the dynasties and giving hope to all future generations, that what a man can conceive and believe, he can achieve.
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Nairobi has many beautiful women within their prime. The problem is that most of them are single. You try dating her for a weekend and you quickly learn why she is single and why she should continue being single.
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Finally! One of my best days. Woke up 26. Happy Birthday to yours truly. Much appreciation to everyone who has been part of the journey. (No prayers please, just beer).
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Being a voter in Kenya next year will be very challenging. Baba is convincing voters that he has just one bullet, Ruto is poor, Wanjigi is young, and Gideon is an orphan.
Waol gi uwii!
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If you don't have money or are on a tight budget, stay at home. It is better than going out and being turned by your peers into an errand boy who calls girls for them, collects jackets from the car and takes their phones to be charged at the counter, as you call them 'kiongos'.
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So painful seeing waitresses looking more beautiful than the woman you came with.
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The woman you're busy spending money you don't have on, has more savings and investments than you. Focus on yourself!
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The Deputy President, Ruto is part of the government that has lowered the price of unga from Ksh. 230 to Ksh. 100. Let us give credit where it is due.
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In a system where people wear face mask and get into banks unrecognized, you people believe 3 terror suspects escaped from Kamiti and were caught within 2 days, all the three still together? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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African Presidents have hundreds of body guards in Africa but in the west, they feel safe without them. Why do our leaders fear fellow hewers of wood and drawers of water?
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“At some point in your childhood, you and your friends went outside to play together for the last time and nobody knew it”
Good morning!
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A club owner tells me that he keeps losing waitresses every month to men who come to the bar to drink water or soda. Men who don't take alcohol mercilessly drink women in large quantities.
Kiawa!
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What if roles were reversed and it was DJ Evolve who had shot Babu? Where would Evolve be at the moment? Would the DJ still be coming on Twitter and threatening more potential victims?
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Americans wondering why Kenyans are struggling to count 14.2 millions votes after 5 days yet they counted 158.4 million votes within a day in 2020.
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Avoid being friendly with the neighbors' kids. Don't even allow them in your house or carry them in your car if you find them stranded by the roadside. This may sound callous but still the right thing to do.
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Saying 'Kenya Kwisha' instead of 'Kenya Kwanza' is not a slip of the tongue. The Chief Hustler is clearly surrounded by many moles.
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14th February always comes every year as a reminder that most men pay to be in relationships.
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Men still kneeling to propose to ladies in 2022 is one of the most absurd things happening out there. If you think you have a future with her, get her pregnant and let her decide whether she will be your wife or a single mother. Simple!
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Why make kids do 3 terms in 6 months, without even breaks? Why the rush yet the government doesn't even have jobs to absorb them once they graduate? Even parents don't know which year of study and term their kids are currently in.
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I feel for thousands of Kenyans stuck out there along Thika Road, embracing the cold, the hunger, the anger and the discomfort. The price we have to pay for putting a crown on a clown's empty head, expecting him to think and act like a king.
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You see these girls in their 20s appearing semi-naked on every Night Club's Facebook page photos, who sample all ceilings in the city and live their best lives, you will meet them in Church in their 30s, overused and bitter, but born again.
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Youth unemployment being one of the biggest elephants in the room, one person is solving it by giving graduates handcarts and wheelbarrows while the other is giving them Ksh. 6000 each and lowering the price of alcohol to 200 bob. Death by hanging or by an electric chair?
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If it slips out and you can return it in without using your hand, jua unasoma gazeti jioni.
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They want to close bars located near residential places but forget that churches make noise in the same areas. Noise is Noise buana.
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Kenyan club owners are shameless. You purchase an expensive Whiskey or Cognac and they escort it to your table with those pretty girls in uniforms, carrying flickering lights and dancing for it yet deep down they know the liquor is FAKE!
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On the contrary, every time Raila loses elections and goes to court, we end up improving our electoral systems and ensure that IEBC becomes more accountable and transparent. That is a win in my book!
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Be cautious if you marry when you're financially stable; you will marry an economic refugee. A lot of women are looking for help, not love.
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If you know you have shared your Netflix logins with others, kindly have it paid on time so that you don't inconvenience them. Be a responsible adult!
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One sign of poverty in Nairobi ni kuskia kelele za kanisa from your house on Sunday morning.
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Mtoto wa Raila bado hajaamka kuja Twitter kutusi Ruto lakini wewe ushaanza. Do you think the next government will benefit you more than him? You see why politicians prefer you remain jobless? Kino!
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Once your phone starts getting charged only from specific positions, there is a high possibility that the charging port is faulty. It is time to get a new phone!
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Nabii donates a Ksh. 6 million car to a retiring AIC Reverend while the prayerful wife is asking Kenyans to fast and donate the 200 bob to fellow starving Kenyans instead. Kiawa!
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Beware of born-again, unhappy, unmarried, childless women in their 30s and 40s!
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Kama mtu hakutaki, hakutaki. There is nothing like "playing hard to get". It only wastes your time and money. Respect yourself, delete the number and focus on the next prey. Mlio wa debe ni sauti moja!
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A sitting president who holds a political rally on a working day, fully attended mainly by thousands of youths, regardless of whether they support him, should be ASHAMED of himself.
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Unanunulia mtu pombe na pesa yako yenye umetafuta na jasho yako alafu anatapika, unatapika nini?
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Problem with ladies in their early and mid 20s is that they assume a man who doesn't call or text them everyday doesn't love them. Jaber, a man can call you once a week and still values you. Prime years just come with other priorities and responsibilities.
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If you have ever been to a bar or night club and witnessed what happens to women during and after such sessions, you would never wish to have a woman who drinks alcohol.
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The last time President Ruto visited my village, he came for a fundraising, carrying a full envelope of money. The last time Raila visited, he came to a funeral carrying only a fly-whisk.
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Borrowed money is not refunded through sex. Moan all you want, but don't forget to refund the money as earlier agreed.
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This might be controversial but the truth is that once you are out of campus, no woman is going to love you for who you are.
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Married men and their 'wives' are also queuing with us at the food section in Naivas to buy cooked supper. Where are we headed as a nation?
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"One day you will be divorced, and the only things you will be left with as a man are shares in SACCOs and shares in the stock market, invest there.... those plots you are struggling to build will take you to the grave earlier than u think."
-Anonymous-
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"Hustler fund is a form of Fuliza but not so exploitative."
That is not different from thanking a rapist for using a condom.
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Get to TikTok and behold, you'll see a generation of 'men' raised by single mothers.
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Single motherhood seem to be the next pandemic this country will have to deal with. If you randomly throw a stone in Nairobi CBD today, and you are lucky not to hit a single mother, it will probably hit a lawyer.
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Men who don't take alcohol are lethal and dedicated full-time womanizers. They drink women in very large quantities!
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