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eric curtin Profile
eric curtin

@_ericcurtin

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eric curtin

eric curtin
Joined June 2016
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
4 years
what is your favorite HDMI port on your tv? mine is 2
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
(saluting my gf immediately after sex) thank you for ur cervix
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
having a gender reveal party tomorrow for the hamster i just got at petco. nothin crazy just gonna flip it over and see if it has a dick or whatever
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
french ppl be like bonjour fellas today we chasing this baguette
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
living w roommates month 1: i bought us a new rug and some plants! dont worry about paying me its for all of us :) month 6: can u venmo me 37 cents for using my ketchup
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
hi im nose pierce little shirt big pants doc marten boots internet girl, and this is my terrible boyfriend, dickies pants curly hair wall puncher minimal shower boy
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
one time at a party I heard someone say “there’s 3+ girls here with chunky Fila shoes on. It’s fuckin up the energy. I’m bout to just start stealing shit”
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
imagine trying to explain this joke to someone who’s never been on the internet before
@esleyeaton
wesley
6 years
Burger going to visit grape after surgery
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
hot (and very funny) person: having sex with a short guy?? umm couldn’t be me 😂😂 4788 ♻️ 12,467 ❤️ REPLIES: reply guy: ok, I’m short but this is freaking hilarious. hot girl: YES!! Literally let’s kill them all sis IHOP corporate account: short men? No. Short stacks? Yes.
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
2 years
they hate to see a silly goose winning
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
one time a girl asked me to send her a jerkoff video so i was like aight and i sent it and she was like “omg i meant of you jacking off not you jacking someone else off” me and my homie were so embarrassed
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
just said fuck it n walked into trader joes with an erection
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
i caught the flowers at mr ratburns gay rat wedding
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
[my son walks in the house late, eyes red] me, concerned: son.... have you been freeing your mind at night again
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
2013 twitter: Imagine being the kid who got benched when AirBud went in the game! Lol. 2018 twitter: ✨ thread of all the times my stepdad got drunk and accidentally hit the garage door with his ford f-150:
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
we regret to inform you that bare minimum twitter is at it again
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
did everyone else have that one kid in their town who was a little too good at guitar hero
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
me: kris jenner in the "thank u, next" video is suuuuch a mood honestly lol my grandpa: i was in a war
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
therapist: hey me: me: me: me: me: me: im going to fuck the babadook
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
instagram somehow knows exactly who you want to have sex with and they make their IG stories appear first. always
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
4 years
noticed this tweet is going big and since i dont have anything to promote ill just say my leg has been hurting recently like in a weird place. not too bad i can deal with it mostly but sometimes im just like "whats up with my leg" lol so i wanted to let you guys know that. thanks
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
i walk around like everything is ok but deep down my name jeff
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
Chicken can't afford an umbrella
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
me in 2005: i bet by 2018 we will have flying cars 2018: they did surgery on a grape
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
robber: gimme ur money millennial: ok so i dont have anything right now cause im freelance and i get paid bi-monthly but 2 weeks from now i should be getting a check in the mail from one of the companies i work for unless they send it late
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
u ever been so fuckin high u end up at jo-ann fabrics
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
musk: i got u a gift.. grimes: is this... an invader zim hoodie?!?! elon: :) grimes: this is so fucking EPIC
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
executioner: any last words? logic: im biracial
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
3 years
movie plot where a group of friends is racing against the clock to make a viral video so they can plug their friends gofundme link to get surgery. they’re just attempting trick shots for like a week and then the friend dies
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
everyone loves racism watchdog, the dog that barks at racism! *five minutes later* we regret to inform you all this account does is spread racist ideas onto a much larger audience
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
why do restaurants have to come up with dumb ass names for their menu items.. got me sayin “Yeah let me have uhh the Grandmas wacky home style skillet” Bitch I Will Kill All Of Us Right Now I Have A Bomb
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
college dropouts be like damn I have smoking weed due this friday
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
[me on ellen] ellen: corn me: corn? [corn starts pouring in from the ceiling and filling the room] ellen: corn me: what?? the crowd: WE WANT CORN! ellen: 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
remember that vine that was like 👁 👁 👃🏼 ) ( 👄 𝙞 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙖 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨. 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩 :)
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
after sex I’m stealing from her purse
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
once i heard the government shut down i immediately ripped the tape off my laptop camera and went ballistic on my meat
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
choking during sex is overrated how about you pay off my credit card debt
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
it was certainly a frat move... but was it a 𝙩𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙡 frat move? experts weigh in tonight at 10
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
4 years
day 4 quarantine with gf: so apparently women have the ability to “orgasm,”
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
i used to laugh at actual jokes now i just laugh when people spell mcdonalds like “macdondalds”
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
me: im sad 🔁4 ❤️6 quote tweet: this is a whole ass mood 🔁50,789 ❤️100K
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
fuck ur zodiac sign, i wanna see your dad naked wait
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
gf: can we please just have sex me, practicing kickflips on the carpet: no
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
laughing at the idea of someone from stan twitter in court trying to appeal a speeding ticket like “ummmmm 🙄🙄🙄 ok??? i wasn’t even speeding but go off i guess???”
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
nodding my head like yeah AND moving my hips like yeah?? in this economy? i dont think so
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
call of duty search and destroy voice while im going from missionary to doggy: switching sides
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
@alteratyeshiva @Nike this is epic brother. epic shoe burning. this is the one that will finally bring nike down 😈 thanks for sharing
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
day 308 without sex: nothing is wrong. im actually becoming stronger. yesterday i threw a prius off a bridge
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
when logic is about to nut he definitely yells out “who can relate!”
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
5 years
wife has been spending a lot of time with her personal trainer Zack
@khloekardashian
Khloé
8 years
My neck! My back! My .....
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
im so weird.. sometimes when im hungry ill literally eat food idk probably just me tho lmao 1.4M 🔁 600M ❤️
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
“so what we get drunk? so what we smoke weed? we’re just having fun we dont care who sees.” -elon musk
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
7 years
┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in this ┃╱╱╲╲ house ╱╱╭╮╲╲ we ▔▏┗┛▕▔ ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ house ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
yea sex is cool but have you ever sat in your room alone and listened to the wii menu song
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
2 years
obama voice: uhhhhhh let me BeReal
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
today's tea: ╭╯ ╭╯╭╯╭╯ ████████████ ═╮ █ my ass █ | █ be looking █ | █ stupid thick █ | ███████████ ═ ╯ ◥█████████◤
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
oh thats ur gf???? 🤔🤔🤔🤔 then why she in my dm saying she wanna hit me up side the head with a shovel 😳😂😂😂
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@_ericcurtin
eric curtin
6 years
just found out wiz khalifa smokes weed. so many years wasted listening to his music. ill no longer be supporting him
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