uh to clarify: I was calling my cat because it’s his birthday

Elmo is ready for it! Are you? 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Hell yeah with the Celtic music during Rod Stewart’s performance! I know everyone who watched Sinners was getting down to it. Ifykykyk #AMAs #AmericanMusicAwards

#AMAs

DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW WHERE I WAS MAY 26

can’t relate

I can’t believe @Moes_HQ would start the year by getting rid of Kaiser salsa

all I want for Christmas is for the dunkaccino to come back @dunkindonuts

Then Jesus said unto the sick, “you better have insurance.” Then Jesus said unto the stranger, “are you here legally?” Then Jesus said unto the hungry, “my taxes better not be paying for these loaves and fishes.” Then Jesus said unto the poor, “this is your own fault.”

Travis: “jason do you have your first touchdown ball?” Jason: “i never scored a touchdown travis. Thank you for asking” Travis: “okay….😀” THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭

Did…did they announce Artist of the Year…off camera???

“rep tv isn’t getting announced august 20th”

It’s august here in Paris,,, and these Olympians be livin for the hope of it all

hey @redbubble my order is AWOL and there is no option to speak to anyone on your team and every avenue I’ve found sends me to the unhelpful chat bot. now I’m having to be embarrassing and complain on twitter to get your attention. 0/10 experience

hey @StateFarm I don’t want more celebrities in commercials, I want lower rates

I’m so upset about this one yall

me rn: at a whole smithsonian appreciating history also me rn:

SHUT UPPPP

I have a bone to pick with @KelloggsUS today. Why are these two Raisin Bran crunch family size cereals so different? They were bought within 10 days of each other and had wildly different prices, but claim to be the same 1. Larger box, less cereal 2. Smaller box, more cereal

I feel it’s really important to tell @wingstop how not cool it is to give anyone all drums for their entire order